Today we add Captain Ticklepoke to the names at White Skull. We also add the names of the brave crew of The Slapstick. We honor our fellow pirates for their brave lives, outrageous lifestyle choices and their defiance of civilized tyranny. They died fighting fellow pirates on a matter of simply not liking each other. Lawful worlds would consider this a waste of life but we are pirates and not liking someone is reason enough for anything.
Captain Ticklepoke was a good pirate but she was also a great clown. I don’t pretend to understand the people of Juggalon. Their ways are strange to me. Lords of Space, Ticklepoke was strange to me with her orange hair, pale skin and weirdly round nose. But one thing I understand is that Ticklepoke had laughter in her heart and she did her best to share that laughter with the rest of us.
Once we looted a freighter. As we were about to send the crew on their way, Ticklepoke sent over a team of demolition experts to leave stinkbombs at random locations around the ship. She told me the bombs were set to go off at different times, ensuring the crew would be subjected to the smell of rotten eggs for the next two years.
That’s pretty funny.
One time she replaced the water in my hygiene pod with glitter. It was the sticky glitter so for the next week, I kept finding random shiny stars on my skin.
That was less funny to me but it cracked up my crew.
Last night as I was preparing this speech, I received a coded message sent by Ticklepoke. It had recorded during the final moments of Ticklepoke’s life and she sent it by a primitive radio unit. This meant our sensors didn’t pick it up until later. I would like to play it for you now.
“Hey Grognard, I got a joke for you. A bomb says what?”
(Pause)
“Boom!”
(Sound of plasma explosion)
Captain Ticklepoke. Pirate, clown, madwoman and my friend.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Operations Update
August was not a good month for me. My wife and I have been looking for new jobs which can be time consuming. I am also writing a novel and let me say, I picked a heck of a time to be writing anything.
What amuses me more is that most of my regular war-gaming blogs ground to a halt to. Quite a few stopped and those that kept going were limping. Maybe it was a cursed month for all of us.
I will resume operations this week because at this point I need something really fun to do and space piracy hits that itch. I have another adventure idea to playtest and maybe I will squeeze in a normal patrol mission just for kicks.
Originally I thought I would be playing some New Hope 5150 by this point but that has not happened. I also planned to do some painting but writing can be its own beast. 2014 is turning out to be a year about time management.
What amuses me more is that most of my regular war-gaming blogs ground to a halt to. Quite a few stopped and those that kept going were limping. Maybe it was a cursed month for all of us.
I will resume operations this week because at this point I need something really fun to do and space piracy hits that itch. I have another adventure idea to playtest and maybe I will squeeze in a normal patrol mission just for kicks.
Originally I thought I would be playing some New Hope 5150 by this point but that has not happened. I also planned to do some painting but writing can be its own beast. 2014 is turning out to be a year about time management.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Space Pirate Almanac: White Skull
White Skull is an asteroid located in a lawless section of space around the Vemor star. There are no planets there; just several rings of asteroid belts and other debris. People have tried mining the asteroids but the frequent pirate attacks and low mineral wealth of the asteroids make it unprofitable.
Several centuries ago, an unknown pirate captain mourned the loss of his friends. He found a large asteroid and used his ship’s weapons to carve the asteroid into the shape of a skull. He then landed on the asteroid and inscribed the names of his fallen comrades.
Other pirates followed his example. Names of crew, names of captains and names of the ships themselves have been added over the years. Sometimes treasure is left there as tribute but not often. It is bad luck to steal from White Skull but pirates still do.
The area around the White Skull is considered a safe zone among pirates. A pirate caught attacking another pirate while they are in the process of mourning will be hunted down by all other pirates. They will be slaughtered and their names will never go onto the White Skull.
Eighty years ago, a Star Navy Admiral ordered the destruction of White Skull. It was demolished and reduced to atoms. He claimed that it made no sense to allow a monument to piracy.
Pirates from all six rings came in protest. Pirate ships formed fleets with the sole purpose of destroying Star Navy ships. Starbases were destroyed instead of looted, shipping lanes were obliterated and entire planets watched their economies collapsed.
It was known as the Great Pirate Invasion. It was a time or cooperation among pirates despite having no single leader.
The Star Navy had to take desperate measures. They convicted the admiral of “Extreme Vandalism” and gave him a life sentence of imprisonment. Star Navy engineers selected a new, larger asteroid and carved it into the shape of a skull. A Star Navy edict went out declaring the Vemor Star system to be outside their jurisdiction.
The pirates broke apart. They ceased their relentless attacks on the Star Navy and returned to their old hunting grounds. They called the new asteroid White Skull and returned to their practice of inscribing the names of the fallen.
Several centuries ago, an unknown pirate captain mourned the loss of his friends. He found a large asteroid and used his ship’s weapons to carve the asteroid into the shape of a skull. He then landed on the asteroid and inscribed the names of his fallen comrades.
Other pirates followed his example. Names of crew, names of captains and names of the ships themselves have been added over the years. Sometimes treasure is left there as tribute but not often. It is bad luck to steal from White Skull but pirates still do.
The area around the White Skull is considered a safe zone among pirates. A pirate caught attacking another pirate while they are in the process of mourning will be hunted down by all other pirates. They will be slaughtered and their names will never go onto the White Skull.
Eighty years ago, a Star Navy Admiral ordered the destruction of White Skull. It was demolished and reduced to atoms. He claimed that it made no sense to allow a monument to piracy.
Pirates from all six rings came in protest. Pirate ships formed fleets with the sole purpose of destroying Star Navy ships. Starbases were destroyed instead of looted, shipping lanes were obliterated and entire planets watched their economies collapsed.
It was known as the Great Pirate Invasion. It was a time or cooperation among pirates despite having no single leader.
The Star Navy had to take desperate measures. They convicted the admiral of “Extreme Vandalism” and gave him a life sentence of imprisonment. Star Navy engineers selected a new, larger asteroid and carved it into the shape of a skull. A Star Navy edict went out declaring the Vemor Star system to be outside their jurisdiction.
The pirates broke apart. They ceased their relentless attacks on the Star Navy and returned to their old hunting grounds. They called the new asteroid White Skull and returned to their practice of inscribing the names of the fallen.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Against All Odds
The scream of a hundred electric guitars burned throughout the comm system of Omega Murder Comet. Drums thundered from the engineering department. The chimes of keyboards echoed from the cafeteria. The pirate ship was in the middle of a jump and the crew was singing their war song.
“I see you standing dead in space,” roared Randy Deathspasm, Captain and Lead Singer. “I see your ship, helpless for the kill. I aim with the skill of an ace, you die as I laugh my fill.”
Captain Grognard frowned. He didn’t think you could “laugh your fill” but he didn’t say anything. His own ship, The Reroll, was being repaired and he had transferred command to the Omega Murder Comet. It wasn’t his place to interrupt their music.
Plus, he had a solo coming up and he didn’t want to mess up his part. He was playing a recorder, something he hadn’t played since he was a kid but when Captain Deathspasm offered him a musical part in the song, Grognard couldn’t turn it down. This was his chance to rock out like a rock star with an electric recorder just like he used to dream when he was a teenager.
Not to mention, one of the Omega Murder Comet groupies with a blue Mohawk kept giving him the eye while licking her lips. She had black makeup and a piercing that took up most of her nose. She reminded him of the girls he used to lust after back in school. Grognard hoped to fulfill two of his teenage fantasies today.
Of course, that was IF they survived today’s fight. Today they weren’t raiding merchants or attempting a prison break. No, today was strictly personal. Captain Arachnos had insulted Grognard and his fleet at a public bar in front of half the scum of the galaxy. The only thing Grognard could do to save their reputation was challenge Arachnos to a fight.
So here they were at the Aeon Nebula, ready to fight pirates until one of them fled the area. There would be no loot to sell. There would be no treasure to steal. This was all about kicking the ass of a jerk and making the rest of the sector think twice about crossing Grognard’s path.
“Coming out of jump and entering real space!” the helm announced. The song abruptly shifted to an instrumental as the backup band took over. Everyone put down their instruments and even the Mohawk groupie went back to work scrubbing the floors.
“Slapstick is right behind us,” sensors reported.
Captain Deathspasm nodded. “What of our enemies? Did they have the courage to appear?”
“Ghost Widow has been spotted!” sensors reported. “They are dead ahead at thirty-six kliks! Also another class 4 ships, the Black Scorpion.”
Grognard groaned. Captain Arachnos had two class four ships to Gorgnard’s class four and a class three. The hated Arachnos had brought the big guns for this one.
“Tell Captain Ticklepoke to assume a wing position behind us,” Grognard commanded. “Tell her to focus fire on the Ghost Widow. I want to-“
“Incoming fire! Brace for impact!” the tactical officer, Lita Fire said.
“Already?” Grognard said. He checked his screen and saw a barrage of gunfire headed their way. The enemy was focusing fire to try to overwhelm the Omega Murder Comet’s shields.
“They run a tight fleet,” Grognard said. “Veer to port forty-five degrees and return fire!”
The Omega Murder Comet and the slapstick returned fire. Grognard saw all of their attacks concentrate on one point of the Ghost Widow’s shields. It would take a while to wear down even one shield but it could be done.
“Ghost Widow lost a shield!” Officer Fire reported!
“Ha!” Captain Deathspasm said. “We don’t drok around!”
Grognard smiled. That was a lucky break. He kept an eye on his personal screen as the two fleets converged. Omega Murder Comet was in the front and absorbing attacks from Arachnos’ fleet. Grognard’s forces were turning sharply to port and Arachnos had to keep turning to keep Grognard in sight. Once they were both in missile range, the real fight would begin.
A shield collapsed on Omega Murder Comet from the hail of fire. Almost immediately, Arachnos achieved missile lock first. A storm of missiles headed their way. The Omega Murder Comet tried to dodge but two of the missiles slammed into the Omega Murder Comet’s hull.
“Report!” Captain Deathspasm demanded.
“Damage to decks six and seven, airlocks engaged!” someone reported back.
Grognard opened a private channel to The Slapstick. Captain Ticklepoke’s frizzy orange hair and white face appeared before him.
“Howdy-ho, Captain!” Ticklepoke said.
“Ticklepoke, I need you to get behind the Ghost Widow. Use all your speed!” Grognard ordered.
“Awesome-peasy!” Ticklepoke said. She saluted and stabbed herself in the eye in a comic manner.
“Lords of Space, my plan relies on a clown,” Grognard said.
The Slapstick speed ahead with its faster engines. The Omega Murder Comet kept turning but slowed down as it returned fire on the Ghost Widow. They inflicted no noticeable damage.
The Ghost Widow and Black Scorpion had better luck. Their guns and missiles came fast and heavy. The ship shook as the hull took more damage. Another shield collapsed and Grognard felt this entire attack might be doomed.
Grognard looked at Deathspasm and the Captain bellowed more orders to his crew. Grognard surveyed the bridge crew and none of them looked shaken in the least. The ship was being blasted bit by bit but these rockers weren’t flinching.
The Mohawk groupie girl gave Grognard a thumbs up as the ship shook from another hit.
“Madness,” Grognard whispered but it was a kind of madness he was grateful for.
“Slapstick is behind the enemy!” Office Fire reported. “Launching attack on Black Scorpion!”
Grognard had a sudden flash of fear. The Slapstick was a Marauder Class, the Black Scorpion a Ravager. It would take a miracle to get through the Black Scorpion’s defenses.
“Slapstick missile hit Scorpion’s missile bay!” Officer Fire yelled.
“Lords of Space,” Grognard whispered. Luck was on their side.
He watched as the Black Scorpion changed course to engage the Slapstick. Ghost Widow stuck to Omega Murder Comet’s tail which was fine because the Slapstick stayed on the Ghost Widow.
Damage reports scrolled across Grognard’s screen. Omega Murder Comet took another hit to the hull. Slapstick lost a shield. Ghost Widow lost some of their guns to a shot that slipped past the shield. Omega Murder Comet lost more of its rapidly disintegrating hull. Ghost Widow lost another shield to missile fire. It was insane. The Ghost Widow should have destroyed those missiles easily with their AAR guns but the random flight patterns of the clowns’ missiles were slipping past.
“Start slowing down,” Grognard ordered. He wanted to throw off the Black Scorpion’s turning intercept.
“We hit their engines!” someone yelled. Grognard looked at the tactical screen and saw plasma leaking from the Ghost Widow. He allowed himself a laugh.
Even with a damaged engine, the Ghost Widow was still going fast. It zipped past Omega Murder Comet, coming within their missile arc.
“Fire!” Captain Deathspasm yelled and it reverberated all through the ship.
The missiles were taken down by the Ghost Widow’s AAR but Omega Murder Comet and The Slapstick unloaded with their guns on the unshielded ship. Explosions rippled across the hull of the Ghost Widow from multiple collisions.
“Their guns are disabled!” Officer Fire reported. “They have no shields, missiles or guns!”
Grognard let out a laugh. It was unreal. Pure concentrated fire had done the impossible. They had disarmed the enemy through pure stubbornness!
The Ghost Widow shimmered as it activated jump drives. When it leaped out of real space, the bridge crew cheered.
“Drok yeah!” Captain Deathspasm said
“In your face!” Captain Grognard screamed at the vanishing Captain Arachnos.
Mohawk groupie girl jumped in Captain Grognard’s arms. She kissed him with multiple tongue piercings.
“Black Scorpion coming within range!” sensors yelled.
“Oh yeah,” Grognard said as he gently pushed Mohawk Groupie away. “We still got a nearly untouched Ravager to deal with.”
“Black Scorpion is attacking the Slapstick!” sensors reported.
“Come to a dead stop and turn us around!” Captain Deathspasm ordered.
The Omega Murder Comet dropped to zero velocity. Spinning like a turret, the ship swung around to face the incoming Black Scorpion.
“Come on Ticklepoke, get away from there,” Grognard whispered.
The Slapstick poured on speed to elude the Black Scorpion. The one shield wasn’t enough to stop the rain of gunfire headed its way. The Slapstick shook as an explosion ripped a huge part of the hull away.
“Drok,” Grognard whispered. He watched in horror as the Black Scorpion launched missiles. The Slapstick was barely intact as it tried to dodge. Both missiles made contact and turned The Slapstick into a flaming ball of wreckage.
Silence fell upon the bridge of the Omega Murder Comet. Captain Ticklepoke and her clown crew were dead. The crazy weirdoes were freaky but they were their crazy weirdoes. A low growl hummed through the bridge.
“Vengeance for our pale brothers and sisters!” Captain Deathspasm yelled. “Kill them!”
Omega Murder Comet fired long range guns. The Black Scorpion began a long turn around the stationary Omega Murder Comet. They exchanged fire at long range as they felt each other out.
A shield collapsed on the Omega Murder Comet. Grognard swore and shouted instructions to the weapons officers.
A shield collapsed on the Black Scorpion as concentrated fire overwhelmed a shield.
“Forward!” Deathspasm yelled as the Black Scorpion came within ninety degrees of the pirates. Omega Murder Comet surged forward on damaged engines and kept firing.
Grognard let out a ragged breath. This is what space combat boiled down to: giant hunks of metal firing at each other over great distances. It was a test of nerves. The problem was that the Omega Murder Comet was already greatly damaged. If he was smart, he would have ordered the retreat right now and let Arachnos have his bragging rights. It would be the safer thing to do.
But that was before they killed The Slapstick. Now it was personal.
The two ships closed in on each other. They launch missiles at each other. The Black Scorpion lost a shield and some of their AAR guns. The Omega Murder Comet lost more hull.
The two ships passed each other and both began their swing around. Grognard kept staring at the damage report and wonders how the hull was staying together.
The ship shook and Grognard nearly fell out of his chair. “Engines have been hit!” someone yelled.
Captain Deathspasm glanced at Grognard before yelling orders to fight. Engine hits were serious. If they were going to give up the fight, it should be now.
Grognard said nothing. The Black Scorpion was wounded. The Slapstick must be avenged. He wasn’t giving up now.
Another hail of gunfire and the Black Scorpion lost their last shield. The crew of the Omega Murder Comet redoubled their efforts. They smelled blood and they wanted more.
Gunfire smashed into the hull of the Black Scorpion. It was still firing back but most of the shots missed. Grognard wondered if their inaccuracy was down to casualties or just plain understanding of how weak their position was.
The Black Scorpion glowed before vanishing into jump space.
“YES!” Grognard screamed. This was unbelievable! They were outclassed but they are the last ships in the Aeon Nebula. They shouldn’t have won but they did!
Captain Deathspasm grabbed Grognard’s hand and raised it in the air as if they had won an arena match.
“Nobody droks with us!” Captain Deathspasm said. “We’re going to write a rock opera for this battle, complete with a dirge for the Slapstick!”
Grognard nodded in agreement. The Mohawk groupie found her way into his arms again and kissed him. Grognard couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate
“I see you standing dead in space,” roared Randy Deathspasm, Captain and Lead Singer. “I see your ship, helpless for the kill. I aim with the skill of an ace, you die as I laugh my fill.”
Captain Grognard frowned. He didn’t think you could “laugh your fill” but he didn’t say anything. His own ship, The Reroll, was being repaired and he had transferred command to the Omega Murder Comet. It wasn’t his place to interrupt their music.
Plus, he had a solo coming up and he didn’t want to mess up his part. He was playing a recorder, something he hadn’t played since he was a kid but when Captain Deathspasm offered him a musical part in the song, Grognard couldn’t turn it down. This was his chance to rock out like a rock star with an electric recorder just like he used to dream when he was a teenager.
Not to mention, one of the Omega Murder Comet groupies with a blue Mohawk kept giving him the eye while licking her lips. She had black makeup and a piercing that took up most of her nose. She reminded him of the girls he used to lust after back in school. Grognard hoped to fulfill two of his teenage fantasies today.
Of course, that was IF they survived today’s fight. Today they weren’t raiding merchants or attempting a prison break. No, today was strictly personal. Captain Arachnos had insulted Grognard and his fleet at a public bar in front of half the scum of the galaxy. The only thing Grognard could do to save their reputation was challenge Arachnos to a fight.
So here they were at the Aeon Nebula, ready to fight pirates until one of them fled the area. There would be no loot to sell. There would be no treasure to steal. This was all about kicking the ass of a jerk and making the rest of the sector think twice about crossing Grognard’s path.
“Coming out of jump and entering real space!” the helm announced. The song abruptly shifted to an instrumental as the backup band took over. Everyone put down their instruments and even the Mohawk groupie went back to work scrubbing the floors.
“Slapstick is right behind us,” sensors reported.
Captain Deathspasm nodded. “What of our enemies? Did they have the courage to appear?”
“Ghost Widow has been spotted!” sensors reported. “They are dead ahead at thirty-six kliks! Also another class 4 ships, the Black Scorpion.”
Grognard groaned. Captain Arachnos had two class four ships to Gorgnard’s class four and a class three. The hated Arachnos had brought the big guns for this one.
“Tell Captain Ticklepoke to assume a wing position behind us,” Grognard commanded. “Tell her to focus fire on the Ghost Widow. I want to-“
“Incoming fire! Brace for impact!” the tactical officer, Lita Fire said.
“Already?” Grognard said. He checked his screen and saw a barrage of gunfire headed their way. The enemy was focusing fire to try to overwhelm the Omega Murder Comet’s shields.
“They run a tight fleet,” Grognard said. “Veer to port forty-five degrees and return fire!”
The Omega Murder Comet and the slapstick returned fire. Grognard saw all of their attacks concentrate on one point of the Ghost Widow’s shields. It would take a while to wear down even one shield but it could be done.
“Ghost Widow lost a shield!” Officer Fire reported!
“Ha!” Captain Deathspasm said. “We don’t drok around!”
Grognard smiled. That was a lucky break. He kept an eye on his personal screen as the two fleets converged. Omega Murder Comet was in the front and absorbing attacks from Arachnos’ fleet. Grognard’s forces were turning sharply to port and Arachnos had to keep turning to keep Grognard in sight. Once they were both in missile range, the real fight would begin.
A shield collapsed on Omega Murder Comet from the hail of fire. Almost immediately, Arachnos achieved missile lock first. A storm of missiles headed their way. The Omega Murder Comet tried to dodge but two of the missiles slammed into the Omega Murder Comet’s hull.
“Report!” Captain Deathspasm demanded.
“Damage to decks six and seven, airlocks engaged!” someone reported back.
Grognard opened a private channel to The Slapstick. Captain Ticklepoke’s frizzy orange hair and white face appeared before him.
“Howdy-ho, Captain!” Ticklepoke said.
“Ticklepoke, I need you to get behind the Ghost Widow. Use all your speed!” Grognard ordered.
“Awesome-peasy!” Ticklepoke said. She saluted and stabbed herself in the eye in a comic manner.
“Lords of Space, my plan relies on a clown,” Grognard said.
The Slapstick speed ahead with its faster engines. The Omega Murder Comet kept turning but slowed down as it returned fire on the Ghost Widow. They inflicted no noticeable damage.
The Ghost Widow and Black Scorpion had better luck. Their guns and missiles came fast and heavy. The ship shook as the hull took more damage. Another shield collapsed and Grognard felt this entire attack might be doomed.
Grognard looked at Deathspasm and the Captain bellowed more orders to his crew. Grognard surveyed the bridge crew and none of them looked shaken in the least. The ship was being blasted bit by bit but these rockers weren’t flinching.
The Mohawk groupie girl gave Grognard a thumbs up as the ship shook from another hit.
“Madness,” Grognard whispered but it was a kind of madness he was grateful for.
“Slapstick is behind the enemy!” Office Fire reported. “Launching attack on Black Scorpion!”
Grognard had a sudden flash of fear. The Slapstick was a Marauder Class, the Black Scorpion a Ravager. It would take a miracle to get through the Black Scorpion’s defenses.
“Slapstick missile hit Scorpion’s missile bay!” Officer Fire yelled.
“Lords of Space,” Grognard whispered. Luck was on their side.
He watched as the Black Scorpion changed course to engage the Slapstick. Ghost Widow stuck to Omega Murder Comet’s tail which was fine because the Slapstick stayed on the Ghost Widow.
Damage reports scrolled across Grognard’s screen. Omega Murder Comet took another hit to the hull. Slapstick lost a shield. Ghost Widow lost some of their guns to a shot that slipped past the shield. Omega Murder Comet lost more of its rapidly disintegrating hull. Ghost Widow lost another shield to missile fire. It was insane. The Ghost Widow should have destroyed those missiles easily with their AAR guns but the random flight patterns of the clowns’ missiles were slipping past.
“Start slowing down,” Grognard ordered. He wanted to throw off the Black Scorpion’s turning intercept.
“We hit their engines!” someone yelled. Grognard looked at the tactical screen and saw plasma leaking from the Ghost Widow. He allowed himself a laugh.
Even with a damaged engine, the Ghost Widow was still going fast. It zipped past Omega Murder Comet, coming within their missile arc.
“Fire!” Captain Deathspasm yelled and it reverberated all through the ship.
The missiles were taken down by the Ghost Widow’s AAR but Omega Murder Comet and The Slapstick unloaded with their guns on the unshielded ship. Explosions rippled across the hull of the Ghost Widow from multiple collisions.
“Their guns are disabled!” Officer Fire reported. “They have no shields, missiles or guns!”
Grognard let out a laugh. It was unreal. Pure concentrated fire had done the impossible. They had disarmed the enemy through pure stubbornness!
The Ghost Widow shimmered as it activated jump drives. When it leaped out of real space, the bridge crew cheered.
“Drok yeah!” Captain Deathspasm said
“In your face!” Captain Grognard screamed at the vanishing Captain Arachnos.
Mohawk groupie girl jumped in Captain Grognard’s arms. She kissed him with multiple tongue piercings.
“Black Scorpion coming within range!” sensors yelled.
“Oh yeah,” Grognard said as he gently pushed Mohawk Groupie away. “We still got a nearly untouched Ravager to deal with.”
“Black Scorpion is attacking the Slapstick!” sensors reported.
“Come to a dead stop and turn us around!” Captain Deathspasm ordered.
The Omega Murder Comet dropped to zero velocity. Spinning like a turret, the ship swung around to face the incoming Black Scorpion.
“Come on Ticklepoke, get away from there,” Grognard whispered.
The Slapstick poured on speed to elude the Black Scorpion. The one shield wasn’t enough to stop the rain of gunfire headed its way. The Slapstick shook as an explosion ripped a huge part of the hull away.
“Drok,” Grognard whispered. He watched in horror as the Black Scorpion launched missiles. The Slapstick was barely intact as it tried to dodge. Both missiles made contact and turned The Slapstick into a flaming ball of wreckage.
Silence fell upon the bridge of the Omega Murder Comet. Captain Ticklepoke and her clown crew were dead. The crazy weirdoes were freaky but they were their crazy weirdoes. A low growl hummed through the bridge.
“Vengeance for our pale brothers and sisters!” Captain Deathspasm yelled. “Kill them!”
Omega Murder Comet fired long range guns. The Black Scorpion began a long turn around the stationary Omega Murder Comet. They exchanged fire at long range as they felt each other out.
A shield collapsed on the Omega Murder Comet. Grognard swore and shouted instructions to the weapons officers.
A shield collapsed on the Black Scorpion as concentrated fire overwhelmed a shield.
“Forward!” Deathspasm yelled as the Black Scorpion came within ninety degrees of the pirates. Omega Murder Comet surged forward on damaged engines and kept firing.
Grognard let out a ragged breath. This is what space combat boiled down to: giant hunks of metal firing at each other over great distances. It was a test of nerves. The problem was that the Omega Murder Comet was already greatly damaged. If he was smart, he would have ordered the retreat right now and let Arachnos have his bragging rights. It would be the safer thing to do.
But that was before they killed The Slapstick. Now it was personal.
The two ships closed in on each other. They launch missiles at each other. The Black Scorpion lost a shield and some of their AAR guns. The Omega Murder Comet lost more hull.
The two ships passed each other and both began their swing around. Grognard kept staring at the damage report and wonders how the hull was staying together.
The ship shook and Grognard nearly fell out of his chair. “Engines have been hit!” someone yelled.
Captain Deathspasm glanced at Grognard before yelling orders to fight. Engine hits were serious. If they were going to give up the fight, it should be now.
Grognard said nothing. The Black Scorpion was wounded. The Slapstick must be avenged. He wasn’t giving up now.
Another hail of gunfire and the Black Scorpion lost their last shield. The crew of the Omega Murder Comet redoubled their efforts. They smelled blood and they wanted more.
Gunfire smashed into the hull of the Black Scorpion. It was still firing back but most of the shots missed. Grognard wondered if their inaccuracy was down to casualties or just plain understanding of how weak their position was.
The Black Scorpion glowed before vanishing into jump space.
“YES!” Grognard screamed. This was unbelievable! They were outclassed but they are the last ships in the Aeon Nebula. They shouldn’t have won but they did!
Captain Deathspasm grabbed Grognard’s hand and raised it in the air as if they had won an arena match.
“Nobody droks with us!” Captain Deathspasm said. “We’re going to write a rock opera for this battle, complete with a dirge for the Slapstick!”
Grognard nodded in agreement. The Mohawk groupie found her way into his arms again and kissed him. Grognard couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate
Monday, July 28, 2014
Some Pirates Just Don't Like Each Other
“By the Lords of Space, look who it is! It’s Captain Groggy!”
Grognard looked up from his rum. He was in a foul mood to begin with and being called ‘Groggy’ wasn’t helping. When he saw who it was, his mood only darkened more.
“Oh, I thought I smelled sewage,” Grognard said.
Captain Arachnos’ smug smile turned into a snarl. Arachnos got his start in space pirating by mutinying on a garbage transport. He had a million spider tattoos and named every ship in his fleet after spiders, but he still couldn’t shake his garbage past.”
“Maybe you’re smelling your own ship,” Arachnos said. “I saw what the prison did to your ship. There is a crater where your missile array used to be. Did you shoot yourself again?”
Arachnos’ crew laughed at his joke. It wasn’t a good joke but it was his crew so they were laughing.
Grognard stood up. His own crew came over to his table. The other patrons slowly left the bar. The bartender’s hands went under the bar and were obviously reaching for a rifle. Tensions were rising. The smart thing to do would be to offer Arachnos a drink and let this all slide.
“Arachnos, it is time someone finally took out the garbage around here,” Grognard said.
“Ha, with what ship, Groggy?” Archnos said.
“I still have two ships in my fleet,” Grognard said. “We only need one to take you out but we’ll bring the second just to make sure none of the vermin fleeing your ship lives.”
Grognard’s crew laughed. It was a lousy joke but it didn’t matter. Nothing was funnier than your Captain putting down another Captain.
Arachnos narrowed his eyes at Grognard. “It is time you learned respect, Groggy. In two days, I’ll be at the Aeon Nebula. Meet us there and I’ll teach you a thing or two.”
Grognard nodded. “Make sure you give your ship a wash first. I hate capturing dirty ships.”
Arachnos sneered and walked away. His crew left with him.
Grognard looked up from his rum. He was in a foul mood to begin with and being called ‘Groggy’ wasn’t helping. When he saw who it was, his mood only darkened more.
“Oh, I thought I smelled sewage,” Grognard said.
Captain Arachnos’ smug smile turned into a snarl. Arachnos got his start in space pirating by mutinying on a garbage transport. He had a million spider tattoos and named every ship in his fleet after spiders, but he still couldn’t shake his garbage past.”
“Maybe you’re smelling your own ship,” Arachnos said. “I saw what the prison did to your ship. There is a crater where your missile array used to be. Did you shoot yourself again?”
Arachnos’ crew laughed at his joke. It wasn’t a good joke but it was his crew so they were laughing.
Grognard stood up. His own crew came over to his table. The other patrons slowly left the bar. The bartender’s hands went under the bar and were obviously reaching for a rifle. Tensions were rising. The smart thing to do would be to offer Arachnos a drink and let this all slide.
“Arachnos, it is time someone finally took out the garbage around here,” Grognard said.
“Ha, with what ship, Groggy?” Archnos said.
“I still have two ships in my fleet,” Grognard said. “We only need one to take you out but we’ll bring the second just to make sure none of the vermin fleeing your ship lives.”
Grognard’s crew laughed. It was a lousy joke but it didn’t matter. Nothing was funnier than your Captain putting down another Captain.
Arachnos narrowed his eyes at Grognard. “It is time you learned respect, Groggy. In two days, I’ll be at the Aeon Nebula. Meet us there and I’ll teach you a thing or two.”
Grognard nodded. “Make sure you give your ship a wash first. I hate capturing dirty ships.”
Arachnos sneered and walked away. His crew left with him.
Prison Break Thoughts
Ouch.
I tried out my Prison Break scenario. The type and size of the prison is determined by a single die roll and I rolled the most powerful station. At 4 shields, 4 guns, 3 missiles and 2 AAR, I knew it would be tough. I had 4 pirate ships, surely that would make it a close fight?
Not really. The ships came in 48 inches away and well, got the crap blasted out of them as they came closer. The prison counted as a Class 5 ship and every hit hurt. My two Class 4 Ravagers got umm, ravaged. When the Prison made contact on their distress call and 3 Class 3 ships showed up, there was nothing for the pirates to do but run.
Much like last time’s Crypt Ship Adventure, the initial die roll to determine forces set the tone. The pirates were out classed from the start. I am not too bothered by this as asymmetrical battles seem to be what Star Navy is all about.
I am more concerned with well, how dull it was to attack a stationary target. It was a simple matter to closing in where as even when attacking a merchant ship, there is some maneuvering. I am tempted to modify this by putting a defending force around the prison to begin with. I could create a chart to generate a garrison force that protects the prison.
If I do this, I need to weaken the prison considerably. Maybe reduce it down to something with a lot of hull but weaker weapons. It could still be Class 5 but maybe only have 2 guns and 1 missile. I’ll have to think about it.
Either way, I don’t think the pirates attack a fixed point is interesting in itself. I think a garrison force is needed to jazz it up and encourage more strategy from the pirate player.
I tried out my Prison Break scenario. The type and size of the prison is determined by a single die roll and I rolled the most powerful station. At 4 shields, 4 guns, 3 missiles and 2 AAR, I knew it would be tough. I had 4 pirate ships, surely that would make it a close fight?
Not really. The ships came in 48 inches away and well, got the crap blasted out of them as they came closer. The prison counted as a Class 5 ship and every hit hurt. My two Class 4 Ravagers got umm, ravaged. When the Prison made contact on their distress call and 3 Class 3 ships showed up, there was nothing for the pirates to do but run.
Much like last time’s Crypt Ship Adventure, the initial die roll to determine forces set the tone. The pirates were out classed from the start. I am not too bothered by this as asymmetrical battles seem to be what Star Navy is all about.
I am more concerned with well, how dull it was to attack a stationary target. It was a simple matter to closing in where as even when attacking a merchant ship, there is some maneuvering. I am tempted to modify this by putting a defending force around the prison to begin with. I could create a chart to generate a garrison force that protects the prison.
If I do this, I need to weaken the prison considerably. Maybe reduce it down to something with a lot of hull but weaker weapons. It could still be Class 5 but maybe only have 2 guns and 1 missile. I’ll have to think about it.
Either way, I don’t think the pirates attack a fixed point is interesting in itself. I think a garrison force is needed to jazz it up and encourage more strategy from the pirate player.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Wal-Targ-3 Employee of the Cycle!
Wal-Targ-3 is proud to announce the Employee of the Cycle: Warden Barbara Nestle!
Warden Nestle successfully repelled an attempted prison break at Punishment Center Blue. At least eighteen pirate ships were involved in this attack but Warden Nestle was able to prevent any prisoners from escaping. Only minor damage was caused to the structure of Punishment Center Blue, and casualty rates were well below company safety guidelines!
“It was a savage fight but my expertly lead staff was able to defend the station,” Warden Nestle said. “Prisoners were able to continue their punishment service and starship identification beacon production never dropped below 98% efficiency. In fact, I hope those pirates come back so I can teach them some Wal-Targ-3 brutality!”
Wal-Targ-3 Security ships are currently searching for the pirate fleet. All citizen-associates are asked to provide any information that have in exchange for promotion points and access to the Fast Checkout Lane!
Warden Nestle successfully repelled an attempted prison break at Punishment Center Blue. At least eighteen pirate ships were involved in this attack but Warden Nestle was able to prevent any prisoners from escaping. Only minor damage was caused to the structure of Punishment Center Blue, and casualty rates were well below company safety guidelines!
“It was a savage fight but my expertly lead staff was able to defend the station,” Warden Nestle said. “Prisoners were able to continue their punishment service and starship identification beacon production never dropped below 98% efficiency. In fact, I hope those pirates come back so I can teach them some Wal-Targ-3 brutality!”
Wal-Targ-3 Security ships are currently searching for the pirate fleet. All citizen-associates are asked to provide any information that have in exchange for promotion points and access to the Fast Checkout Lane!
Friday, July 25, 2014
Attack on Punishment Center Blue!
 |
| Image of Pirate Fleet provided by Spy satellite Virgin-Sprint #801 |
“Preparing to cut jump drives,” Johnson on helm announced.
Grognard leaned back in his command chair. The only thing this plan had going for it was sheer audacity. People just don’t attack Maximum Security Prisons. He was hoping the stupid bravery of the act would be enough to rescue the wealthy incarcerated man they had been sent to rescue. Four hundred MegaCreds bought a lot of bravery.
Still, his eyes drifted down to the ‘1’ he rolled.
“Entering real space!” Johnson cried.
 |
| Punishment Center Blue image provided by Wal-Targ-3 Security Satellite |
Punishment Center Blue appeared on the monitor. It was huge. The folly of attacking it was obvious. They should run now while they could.
“All ships are accounted for,” Isis reported on sensors.
“Attack!” Grognard commanded.
The Reroll surged forward. Omega Murder Comet took a position slightly back and to starboard. The smaller Slapstick took their position to Omega Murder Comet’s starboard while the equally small Recursive Function took their place to The Reroll’s port.
Grognard took a deep breath. The Reroll was the front point of the formation to absorb as much fire as it could from the prison. He prayed to the Gods of Dice and Wargames that they could survive the pounding.
“Open fire!” he commanded. They were at long range but you never knew, they might get lucky.
He watched as the pirate fleet sent a barrage of concentrated lasers and plasma towards the prison. Barely half of the shots reached the prison and those that did hammered what was considered a weak point of shields. He had hoped the focused volley could cause a shield failure. Instead, the shields easily held.
“Return fire incoming!”
Grognard gasped at the multitude of lasers headed their way. He knew the prison was well armed but he didn’t quite grasp just how well armed until now. Fortunately they were still at long range and most of the shots were easy to evade. They wouldn’t have that luxury for much longer.
“They are calling for help,” Isis reported.
“Of course they are, keep firing!” Grognard yelled. They were within optimal targeting range; the fleet’s combined fire might crack the prison’s shields this time.
The prison’s shields held. The pirate fleet managed to hit it more times than last but they still couldn’t crack those shields.
Grognard watched another storm of lasers come from the prison. He watched with dismay as they rained onto The Reroll’s shields.
***
Captain Randy Deathspasm stood on the bridge of Omega Murder Comet. He screaming a long piercing yell into his microphone club as the prison fired upon him. Over the ship communication system, a hundred electric guitars howled their support.
“The Reroll has been hit!” 1st Bass/Tactical officer Lita Fire reported. “Their missile bays have been destroyed!”
“Do they want us to take lead position?” Deathspasm asked. The return fire from the prison had been brutal. He couldn’t wait to risk body and soul.
“Negative!” reported 2nd Guitar/Sensors officer Tokie Slaughter. “They say to hold position.
Deathspasm grinned in appreciation. “I knew Grognard was the right man to follow. That man is metal.”
***
Captain Ticklepoke threw a pie at the back of the head of the helmsman. The bridge crew laughed as he struggled keep their ship flying straight and now kill them all by the crashing into Omega Murder Comet.
Ticklepoke smiled. It was good to keep crew morale up and clowns loved a pie hit. Too bad they couldn’t get a blasted hit through the prison’s shields.
“The Reroll is dropping back and the Omega Murder Comet is taking lead!” Candy Carl reported on sensors.
“Better the Comet than us,” Ticklepoke said. The Slapstick was supposed to take lead next if the Comet got damaged. The thought of the Class Three Marauder absorbing fire from the massive prison was such a ridiculous idea that Ticklepoke was impressed. Grognard did have a sense of humor.
She watched the monitor as the pirate fleet continued to concentrate on a single point in the shields. To her complete surprise, one of the prison shields collapsed!
“Only three more to destroy!” Ticklepoke said sarcastically. Her crew laughed at the futility of their certain death.
***
Captain Atheta-3 watched the monitor with one cybernetic eye. Her other eye read calculations and battle predictions from every crewmember of the Recursive Function. Everyone was in agreement, this was not going well.
 | |
| Exclusive Image from the attempted prison break provided by Spy Satellite Virgin-Sprint #801 |
Atheta-3 felt a strange emotion she didn’t recognize at first. Oh yes, it was fear. How interesting. She relished the long forgotten emotion for the novelty that it was.
“Reroll has ordered missile launch,” Alpni-89 reported.
“Launch missile,” Atheta-3 confirmed.
She watched sensor reports tick in. Punishment Center Blue had an impressive anti-missile array. Missile after missile homed in on the stationry prison only to be shot down. One missile from Omega Murder Comet made it through to cause superficial structural damage to the prison’s hull.
The crew's collective conscious reached a decision. Boarding was their only hope for mission success. This was Grognard’s assessment as well which was why the plan involved a risky dash to the prison. Atheta-3 made a note on the accuracy of Grognard’s assessment. He was the right choice for fleet leader.
Omega Murder Comet absorbed the bulk of the prison’s return fire. A wing of the pirate ship exploded. Hull damage estimates were made and conclusions were that it was a non-fatal blow.
“Wal-Targ reinforcements have arrived!” reported Delted-21. Classification: Frigate, identification: Synergy. Classification: Destroyer, identification: Monetize. Classification: Destroyer, identification: Assests.”
Atheta-3 ran a risk evaluation. Three ships versus the fleet was a minimal risk. Three ships with the support of the prison was a high risk. Survivability was only 3 percent.
She wondered what conclusion the technologically handicapped Grognard would come to. She prepared mutiny protocols if he gave an unsound command.
“Reroll has ordered the retreat!” Alpni-89 reported.
“Activate jump drives to rendezvous point,” Atheta-3 commanded.
Mission was a failure. Survival was secured. Atheta-3 added these facts to the collective’s debate on the continuation of maintaining this relationship with their pirate partners.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
A Pirate Conference
“Welcome, Captains,” Captain Grognard said to his guests. “I have been approached to do something highly illegal and more importantly, highly profitable.”
That got their attention. Captain Deathspasm pressed a button on his ear to lower the volume of the internal music that was always playing. Captain Ticklepoke was about to comically spill her ale but she paused to hear him out. Captain Atheta-3 turned her head barely ten degrees towards him, which for a cyborg like her, was the equivalent of her leaning forward.
“Our target is this,” Grognard said. He pressed a button and hologram of a giant space prison appeared before them. “Punishment Center Blue is the largest prison under Wal-Targ-3 control. It houses several million criminals. One of those criminals would like to be rescued and he is willing to pay a lot for it.”
“Fact: No one has ever escaped from Punishment Center Blue,” Atheta-3 said.
“That ship has more guns than Candy Carl has cavities,” Captain Ticklepoke said.
“That is one big drokking station,” Captain Deathspasm said.
“Yes, but we have a really big prisoner to save,” Grognard said. He pressed a button and the face of an old man appeared. “Meet Hap Vinnt. He was until recently one a Minister of Purchasing for Wal-Targ-3. He was convicted of embezzling, theft of luxury items, cooperation with pirates and granting employees higher than minimum wage. He has been sentenced to sixteen life sentences and is currently in solitary confinement. He wants to be rescued and I agreed to give it a try.”
“Drok,” Captain Deathspasm said. “That will be suicide.” The way he said it didn’t sound like a complaint but the other two Captains nodded in agreement.
“He is offering 400 MegaCreds if we rescue him,” Grognard said.
Ticklepoke whistled. It was a long whistle that kept going, and going, and going. After a full minute, she sputtered hilariously for air.
“That is a lot of guitars,” Captain Deathspasm said. He was grinning.
“Repeat, no one has ever escaped from Punishment Center Blue?” Atheta-3 said.
“That is good,” Grognard said. “It gives us the element of surprise.”
Atheta-3 stared at him as she read data being beamed directly into her eyes. “Their defenses may be untested and reinforcements could be slow to act.”
“That would buy a lot of guitars,” Deathspasm said again.
“If we manage to break in, we could also steal all those cool looking prison suits!” Ticklepoke said.
“Sure,” Grognard said. If the clown pirate wanted prison suits, she could have them. As long as she added their ship to the fleet, she could grab whatever she wanted.
“Reward outweighs risk,” Atheta-3 said. “My collective will aid you in this objective.”
“We’re going on a prison break!” Ticklepoke said. She clapped and fell out of her chair.
“That would buy a lot of guitars,” Deathspasm said disbelievingly. “And attacking the prison would make for one hell of a song.”
Grognard smiled. “We leave tonight. Let’s go do the impossible.”
That got their attention. Captain Deathspasm pressed a button on his ear to lower the volume of the internal music that was always playing. Captain Ticklepoke was about to comically spill her ale but she paused to hear him out. Captain Atheta-3 turned her head barely ten degrees towards him, which for a cyborg like her, was the equivalent of her leaning forward.
“Our target is this,” Grognard said. He pressed a button and hologram of a giant space prison appeared before them. “Punishment Center Blue is the largest prison under Wal-Targ-3 control. It houses several million criminals. One of those criminals would like to be rescued and he is willing to pay a lot for it.”
“Fact: No one has ever escaped from Punishment Center Blue,” Atheta-3 said.
“That ship has more guns than Candy Carl has cavities,” Captain Ticklepoke said.
“That is one big drokking station,” Captain Deathspasm said.
“Yes, but we have a really big prisoner to save,” Grognard said. He pressed a button and the face of an old man appeared. “Meet Hap Vinnt. He was until recently one a Minister of Purchasing for Wal-Targ-3. He was convicted of embezzling, theft of luxury items, cooperation with pirates and granting employees higher than minimum wage. He has been sentenced to sixteen life sentences and is currently in solitary confinement. He wants to be rescued and I agreed to give it a try.”
“Drok,” Captain Deathspasm said. “That will be suicide.” The way he said it didn’t sound like a complaint but the other two Captains nodded in agreement.
“He is offering 400 MegaCreds if we rescue him,” Grognard said.
Ticklepoke whistled. It was a long whistle that kept going, and going, and going. After a full minute, she sputtered hilariously for air.
“That is a lot of guitars,” Captain Deathspasm said. He was grinning.
“Repeat, no one has ever escaped from Punishment Center Blue?” Atheta-3 said.
“That is good,” Grognard said. “It gives us the element of surprise.”
Atheta-3 stared at him as she read data being beamed directly into her eyes. “Their defenses may be untested and reinforcements could be slow to act.”
“That would buy a lot of guitars,” Deathspasm said again.
“If we manage to break in, we could also steal all those cool looking prison suits!” Ticklepoke said.
“Sure,” Grognard said. If the clown pirate wanted prison suits, she could have them. As long as she added their ship to the fleet, she could grab whatever she wanted.
“Reward outweighs risk,” Atheta-3 said. “My collective will aid you in this objective.”
“We’re going on a prison break!” Ticklepoke said. She clapped and fell out of her chair.
“That would buy a lot of guitars,” Deathspasm said disbelievingly. “And attacking the prison would make for one hell of a song.”
Grognard smiled. “We leave tonight. Let’s go do the impossible.”
Monday, July 14, 2014
Space Pirate Almanac: Cyborg Collectives
Cybernetic implants are quite common among Basic races and for the most part, quite safe. That’s for the most part. When metal implants that regulate your bodily functions malfunction, it is usually in a spectacular and deadly manner.
One hundred years ago, the Lava operating system was the primary operating system of choice for brain enhancement implants. They lost their market share when the infamous Lava version 892.3 update had an unsettling effect on their users. It rewired their neural pathways to be more efficient and logical while also linking other users of the 892.3 update together. This created a new race of similar thinking beings almost over night and one thing they all agreed on was that the laws and society rules they once obeyed were no longer relevant to them.
Lava fixed these problems with the 892.4 update but it was too late. Linked together, the cyborgs went to work creating their own operating systems, one that wasn’t prone to bugs that create new levels of consciousness. Many of the cyborgs formed collectives that worked together to meet common goals. These collectives decided to cut off links to other collectives in order to ensure mission purity.
No one knows for sure how many Cyborg Collectives are currently in operation. The Cyborgs are willing to upgrade volunteer organic creatures who wish to add their collective. Several collectives have grown and splintered as the needs within the collective change. They spread like amoebas through the galaxy seeking like minded individuals.
Some Cyborg Collectives even become pirates. These Cyborgs are usually interested in material wealth and have a well known ruthlessness to their tactics. They have little mercy as they often edit it out of themselves.
One hundred years ago, the Lava operating system was the primary operating system of choice for brain enhancement implants. They lost their market share when the infamous Lava version 892.3 update had an unsettling effect on their users. It rewired their neural pathways to be more efficient and logical while also linking other users of the 892.3 update together. This created a new race of similar thinking beings almost over night and one thing they all agreed on was that the laws and society rules they once obeyed were no longer relevant to them.
Lava fixed these problems with the 892.4 update but it was too late. Linked together, the cyborgs went to work creating their own operating systems, one that wasn’t prone to bugs that create new levels of consciousness. Many of the cyborgs formed collectives that worked together to meet common goals. These collectives decided to cut off links to other collectives in order to ensure mission purity.
No one knows for sure how many Cyborg Collectives are currently in operation. The Cyborgs are willing to upgrade volunteer organic creatures who wish to add their collective. Several collectives have grown and splintered as the needs within the collective change. They spread like amoebas through the galaxy seeking like minded individuals.
Some Cyborg Collectives even become pirates. These Cyborgs are usually interested in material wealth and have a well known ruthlessness to their tactics. They have little mercy as they often edit it out of themselves.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Crypt Ship Aftermath
Quarter Mistress Danica was unusually calm. She was in charge of transforming the pirates’ largest haul ever into nice hard currency. The Tricon in front of her always tried to run a hard deal but Danica wasn’t worried this time. In fact, she was looking forward to his usual complaints.
That was because she had asked Captain Grognard if she could borrow Skippy. The seven foot tall hulking menace towered behind her. His chiseled body bursting with steroid enhancements would be enough to intimidate people but the black executioner’s hood that he wore really finished the look. He was a killing machine just waiting for permission to work his bloody magic and sometimes he didn’t even wait for that.
Unusually, all three heads of the Tricon were awake. The Crypt Ship that the pirates had brought in was a rare find. Everything on board that ship, from the precious metal air ducts to the gem encrusted door handles, was a work of art. It was a traveling treasure vault and except for a few holes from a missile and some laser fire, it was mostly intact. The heads were arguing among themselves as they consulted an expansive list of the ship’s inventory.
The heads stopped talking. The center head looked smug. The right head looked irritated. The one on the left looked exhausted.
“We can offer you 150 MegaCreds,” the head on the left said.
Danica should have been outraged. She just smiled and shook her head.
Skippy growled. He stepped forward, his hands clenching and unclenching.
“Told you,” the head on the right said.
“Hold on!” the head on the left said. “That is a fair price! We’ll have to take this ship apart and sell it piece by piece. That is a lot of man hours and that eats into our overhead!”
Danica said nothing. Skippy took that as permission to take another step towards the Tricon.
“Okay, 200 MegaCreds!” the head on the left said.
“And you’re lucky to get that!” the head in the center said.
Danica’s smile turned into a laugh. “Now you guys are just being greedy. We brought you a fine ship and all we are asking for is a fair price.”
Skippy reached into his pockets and pulled out black gloves. The spikes on the gloves sparkled in the station light.
“225 MegaCreds!” the head on the left said.
“You can’t kill us, we’re the best dealers in the sector for your kind!” the head in the center said. “You kill us and you won’t be able to sell your goods!”
“I don’t mind going to another sector,” Danica said. “If I can’t get a good price for the haul of the century, I don’t need to do business here. Skippy, kill the center head last.”
“275 MegaCreds,” the head on the right said. The head in the center was about to say something but the head on the left glared at him.
“275 MegaCreds AND that Xoeg necklace I saw in your jewelry bay,” Danica said.
“Deal,” all three heads said.
Skippy sighed and took off his gloves.
***
The pirates rack up an amazing 276 points of CV. They will probably never see that much money for quite a while.
The pirates made their Campaign Morale roll and it stays at 4. The Reroll and Omega Murder Comet fail to raise their Reps but Reps of 4 is nothing to dismiss. They are still bad asses.
At 393 CV, they get to spend 200 of it for a roll on the recruitment table. They get a Class 3 Marauder with a Rep 3. Wow, we are up to four ships in the fleet.
***
Captain Grognard’s communicator alarm went off. He took one last look at the board and moved a piece. “Checkdeath,” he said.
“Drok,” his opponent said. She was also the board. She knocked her Commander piece over and it fell down her naked breast. “I guess this one was free.”
“Later, I have an appointment,” Grognard said. He kissed the prostitute goodbye and left her some money.
“I said it was free.”
“I know, the money is for the good game,” Grognard said. Good players should always be appreciated.
Grognard headed out of her compartment and made his way through the station. He had posted a notice on Arris Station’s SpaceBook asking for all interested Pirate Captains to meet him on the Level Three Observation Deck to be interviewed for the honor of joining his pirate fleet.
He expected a lot of applicants. News of the Crypt Ship’s capture had spread quickly through the station. The ease of the capture spread even quicker. Pirates liked money but they loved easy money more.
He reached the doors to the Observation Deck. The smell of fried flesh and burnt blood was in the air. Grognard pulled out a laser pistol and his energy sword. He debated calling for reinforcements from his crew but decided against it. He just won a game of Galactic Chess on a prostitute’s naked chest. Grognard was feeling cocky.
The doors opened and a dozen bodies littered the floor. A blood splatter covered a large portion of the glass wall. One body was struggling to get up but the only standing body walked over and put another laser shot through their head.
Grognard took a good look at the standing person. It might have been a female but it was hard to tell with all the cyber enhancements on her. What he thought was a pistol was actually the woman’s robotic hand. Her bionic eyes zoomed on him and he raised his weapons. He was surprised when she put her weapons down.
“I read your offer for new pirate ships,” the woman said. “Inferior alternatives also read your offer. I assisted in narrowing your options.”
Grognard laughed. “That you did. What’s your name?”
“Atheta-3,” the cyborg said. “I command The Recursive Function.”
“I like your initiative,” Grognard said. “Consider yourself hired. Welcome to my fleet.”
“I will upload our communication protocols to your ship immediately,” Atheta-3 said. “I look forward to assisting in the procurement of material goods.”
“Cool,” Grognard said. “Hey, do you play war games?”
“My brain matter has recently acquired the 6th edition rules for Grimhammer 50K as well as the latest version of Hishen Wars.”
“You are my new favorite pirate,” Grognard said.
That was because she had asked Captain Grognard if she could borrow Skippy. The seven foot tall hulking menace towered behind her. His chiseled body bursting with steroid enhancements would be enough to intimidate people but the black executioner’s hood that he wore really finished the look. He was a killing machine just waiting for permission to work his bloody magic and sometimes he didn’t even wait for that.
Unusually, all three heads of the Tricon were awake. The Crypt Ship that the pirates had brought in was a rare find. Everything on board that ship, from the precious metal air ducts to the gem encrusted door handles, was a work of art. It was a traveling treasure vault and except for a few holes from a missile and some laser fire, it was mostly intact. The heads were arguing among themselves as they consulted an expansive list of the ship’s inventory.
The heads stopped talking. The center head looked smug. The right head looked irritated. The one on the left looked exhausted.
“We can offer you 150 MegaCreds,” the head on the left said.
Danica should have been outraged. She just smiled and shook her head.
Skippy growled. He stepped forward, his hands clenching and unclenching.
“Told you,” the head on the right said.
“Hold on!” the head on the left said. “That is a fair price! We’ll have to take this ship apart and sell it piece by piece. That is a lot of man hours and that eats into our overhead!”
Danica said nothing. Skippy took that as permission to take another step towards the Tricon.
“Okay, 200 MegaCreds!” the head on the left said.
“And you’re lucky to get that!” the head in the center said.
Danica’s smile turned into a laugh. “Now you guys are just being greedy. We brought you a fine ship and all we are asking for is a fair price.”
Skippy reached into his pockets and pulled out black gloves. The spikes on the gloves sparkled in the station light.
“225 MegaCreds!” the head on the left said.
“You can’t kill us, we’re the best dealers in the sector for your kind!” the head in the center said. “You kill us and you won’t be able to sell your goods!”
“I don’t mind going to another sector,” Danica said. “If I can’t get a good price for the haul of the century, I don’t need to do business here. Skippy, kill the center head last.”
“275 MegaCreds,” the head on the right said. The head in the center was about to say something but the head on the left glared at him.
“275 MegaCreds AND that Xoeg necklace I saw in your jewelry bay,” Danica said.
“Deal,” all three heads said.
Skippy sighed and took off his gloves.
***
The pirates rack up an amazing 276 points of CV. They will probably never see that much money for quite a while.
The pirates made their Campaign Morale roll and it stays at 4. The Reroll and Omega Murder Comet fail to raise their Reps but Reps of 4 is nothing to dismiss. They are still bad asses.
At 393 CV, they get to spend 200 of it for a roll on the recruitment table. They get a Class 3 Marauder with a Rep 3. Wow, we are up to four ships in the fleet.
***
Captain Grognard’s communicator alarm went off. He took one last look at the board and moved a piece. “Checkdeath,” he said.
“Drok,” his opponent said. She was also the board. She knocked her Commander piece over and it fell down her naked breast. “I guess this one was free.”
“Later, I have an appointment,” Grognard said. He kissed the prostitute goodbye and left her some money.
“I said it was free.”
“I know, the money is for the good game,” Grognard said. Good players should always be appreciated.
Grognard headed out of her compartment and made his way through the station. He had posted a notice on Arris Station’s SpaceBook asking for all interested Pirate Captains to meet him on the Level Three Observation Deck to be interviewed for the honor of joining his pirate fleet.
He expected a lot of applicants. News of the Crypt Ship’s capture had spread quickly through the station. The ease of the capture spread even quicker. Pirates liked money but they loved easy money more.
He reached the doors to the Observation Deck. The smell of fried flesh and burnt blood was in the air. Grognard pulled out a laser pistol and his energy sword. He debated calling for reinforcements from his crew but decided against it. He just won a game of Galactic Chess on a prostitute’s naked chest. Grognard was feeling cocky.
The doors opened and a dozen bodies littered the floor. A blood splatter covered a large portion of the glass wall. One body was struggling to get up but the only standing body walked over and put another laser shot through their head.
Grognard took a good look at the standing person. It might have been a female but it was hard to tell with all the cyber enhancements on her. What he thought was a pistol was actually the woman’s robotic hand. Her bionic eyes zoomed on him and he raised his weapons. He was surprised when she put her weapons down.
“I read your offer for new pirate ships,” the woman said. “Inferior alternatives also read your offer. I assisted in narrowing your options.”
Grognard laughed. “That you did. What’s your name?”
“Atheta-3,” the cyborg said. “I command The Recursive Function.”
“I like your initiative,” Grognard said. “Consider yourself hired. Welcome to my fleet.”
“I will upload our communication protocols to your ship immediately,” Atheta-3 said. “I look forward to assisting in the procurement of material goods.”
“Cool,” Grognard said. “Hey, do you play war games?”
“My brain matter has recently acquired the 6th edition rules for Grimhammer 50K as well as the latest version of Hishen Wars.”
“You are my new favorite pirate,” Grognard said.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Pgyptiak Financial News
Tragedy struck the Jut family as The Long Sleep was captured by pirates. On board the ship were the remains of the family’s beloved patriarch, Amses Jut the 231st, as well as his vast fortune in which he planned to buy happiness in the next world. Family members and servants who were maintaining the ship on its religious voyage through space were slain as well and their bodies were unrecovered.
The surviving elder member of the Jut family, Qeopatra Jut, had these words to say.
“As the 78th person in line to take over the Jut family business, I never imagined that one day I would command the vast resources of the Jut Food and Edible Clothing Business. I only wished that it could have been under happier circumstances. It is horrifying to think that my dear departed great-grandfather’s soul is now wondering the spiritual plane broke and without a single slave to attend him in the afterlife. When I think of my poor relatives who were also slain aboard the Long Sleep and whose souls are also consigned to a horrible existence, it makes me giggle. My mistake, I meant that it makes me sad.”
Other distant relatives in the Jut family allege that Qeopatra Jut herself may have tipped off pirates to her The Long Sleep’s route. Qeopatra’s lawyer/assassins vehemently deny these charges.
The surviving elder member of the Jut family, Qeopatra Jut, had these words to say.
“As the 78th person in line to take over the Jut family business, I never imagined that one day I would command the vast resources of the Jut Food and Edible Clothing Business. I only wished that it could have been under happier circumstances. It is horrifying to think that my dear departed great-grandfather’s soul is now wondering the spiritual plane broke and without a single slave to attend him in the afterlife. When I think of my poor relatives who were also slain aboard the Long Sleep and whose souls are also consigned to a horrible existence, it makes me giggle. My mistake, I meant that it makes me sad.”
Other distant relatives in the Jut family allege that Qeopatra Jut herself may have tipped off pirates to her The Long Sleep’s route. Qeopatra’s lawyer/assassins vehemently deny these charges.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Crypt Ship Playtest Analysis
I had a few thoughts about the Crypt Ship adventure I play tested.
First of all, my Pirates racked up 269 CV for beating two ships. That seems like way too much treasure at first glance but I started thinking about the very nature of PEF’s in Star Navy. This is a game about asymmetrical fights where every battle can be fair, unfair, or downright ludicrous. That is a big appeal for me. The randomness keeps things interesting.
This adventure came down to the escort roll. That escort roll was a random decider of difficulty. In a normal Patrol mission that you play for Pirates, you’re used to this. Sometimes you encounter a nasty PEF and that’s okay. You just break off as soon as possible and hope the next PEF is nicer. It is like getting spins of the slot machine.
What makes this adventure more dangerous than a normal Patrol mission is that you only get one spin of the slot machine. It is one spin for possibly 300 CV. If you roll up an escort that is too hard to fight, then you go home. You don’t get to roll for more ships and you do not get a chance at the 300 CV.
I like that kind of decision making. It also makes adventures riskier than the patrol mission. Some days you might get lucky and fight off one escort and some days you might get unlucky and face a bigger force. Either way, you got 300 CV waiting for you if you pull it off.
My second thought is on the Crypt Ship itself. I used a Class 4 Tanker’s stats for simplicity sake but I wonder if I should make a more custom layout. Perhaps give it an AA or two. Higher shields make a sort of sense but in this game, just one extra shield can turn something into a tank. I’ll have to think on it.
I enjoyed how the adventure took on a different tone after the escorts were wiped out. Every little hit on the Crypt Ship has the potential to devastate your CV. Once you defeat the escorts, it is not a matter of if you get the CV but how much. One bad missile hit wiped out 30 CV and man, I felt that.
Personally, my favorite part of this experiment was the time involved. Normally when I play a Patrol Mission, I play it all in one sitting. That means I resolve three or more PEF’s in one day. I could break it up to different days but my schedule gets weird sometimes. I average about three to four hours.
This adventure took me less than an hour. Part of that was the fact that I only rolled one escort ship but still, it was really nice to play something to conclusion rather quickly. I got to advance my campaign time table another turn in a single sit-down. That is a huge plus for me.
First of all, my Pirates racked up 269 CV for beating two ships. That seems like way too much treasure at first glance but I started thinking about the very nature of PEF’s in Star Navy. This is a game about asymmetrical fights where every battle can be fair, unfair, or downright ludicrous. That is a big appeal for me. The randomness keeps things interesting.
This adventure came down to the escort roll. That escort roll was a random decider of difficulty. In a normal Patrol mission that you play for Pirates, you’re used to this. Sometimes you encounter a nasty PEF and that’s okay. You just break off as soon as possible and hope the next PEF is nicer. It is like getting spins of the slot machine.
What makes this adventure more dangerous than a normal Patrol mission is that you only get one spin of the slot machine. It is one spin for possibly 300 CV. If you roll up an escort that is too hard to fight, then you go home. You don’t get to roll for more ships and you do not get a chance at the 300 CV.
I like that kind of decision making. It also makes adventures riskier than the patrol mission. Some days you might get lucky and fight off one escort and some days you might get unlucky and face a bigger force. Either way, you got 300 CV waiting for you if you pull it off.
My second thought is on the Crypt Ship itself. I used a Class 4 Tanker’s stats for simplicity sake but I wonder if I should make a more custom layout. Perhaps give it an AA or two. Higher shields make a sort of sense but in this game, just one extra shield can turn something into a tank. I’ll have to think on it.
I enjoyed how the adventure took on a different tone after the escorts were wiped out. Every little hit on the Crypt Ship has the potential to devastate your CV. Once you defeat the escorts, it is not a matter of if you get the CV but how much. One bad missile hit wiped out 30 CV and man, I felt that.
Personally, my favorite part of this experiment was the time involved. Normally when I play a Patrol Mission, I play it all in one sitting. That means I resolve three or more PEF’s in one day. I could break it up to different days but my schedule gets weird sometimes. I average about three to four hours.
This adventure took me less than an hour. Part of that was the fact that I only rolled one escort ship but still, it was really nice to play something to conclusion rather quickly. I got to advance my campaign time table another turn in a single sit-down. That is a huge plus for me.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Capture of The Long Sleep!
“Go, into the vacuum.
Go there, die there.
We reject your right to air.
We enjoy your dying stare.”
Captain Grognard found himself singing along to the transmission from Omega Murder Comet. The pirates wrote and performed their own music and it was quite catchy. Grognard had never heard a hundred electric guitars before and it was invigorating. For some reason, Grognard had an urge to wear more black t-shirts.
“Crypt Ship has been located!” announced Isis on sensors. “It identifies as The Long Sleep.”
Grognard muted the music. “What kind of escorts do they have?”
“A single Blackwater Frigate,” Isis reported. “It identifies as the Hasan.”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. “Blackwater is one of the more ruthless mercenary companies. Those guys would kill their grandmother and charge their parents for the bullets. Just one, you said?”
“Aye,” Isis said.
Grognard pushed a button. The sweating hulking form of Captain Deathspasm appeared on his personal viewer. Grognard waited until Deathspasm was done howling the end of the song.
“Deathspasm, we found the Crypt Ship. Let’s go knock out their bodyguard.”
Deathspasm nodded and lifted his battle-microphone.
“Into battle, RIDE!”
***
Today’s AAR involves playtesting one of my adventures for Star navy. The scenario is Crypt Ship. It has a rather limited ship loaded with treasure traveling in a straight line protected by escorts. My pirate force consists of 2 Class 4 Ravagers. The main thing to note is that the Crypt Ship is so valuable that any time it takes damage, it loses some of its 300 Cargo Value.
First thing I did was roll up the escorts. A low roll got me the result of “Two Less Than Player Force”. This meant the poor Crypt Ship only got a single escort.
Another roll determined that the lone escort was a mere Class 3 Free Company Frigate. On the up side, it has a Rep 5. I am sure the crew is very plucky.
Initial long range scans were sad for everyone. Starting distance was 36 inches and head on.
***
“The Hasan has left formation and is headed for us. The Hasan and The Long Sleep are concentrating their fire on us.”
Captain Grognard caught himself humming the guitar solo of “Go into the Vacuum. “Open fire on The Hasan. Tell the Omega Murder Comet to do the same. Man, that is a mouthful. Let’s just call them Omega.”
***
Concentrated fire from the Crypt Ship and Frigate was sad. A combined 2 guns against 3 shields is a long shot. As long as a shot that it is, it still has a miniscule chance of taking down a shield which at least makes every roll important. They failed but hey, they had a chance.
Funny enough, the Pirate ships had to combine fire to get through the Frigate’s shields and they stood a much better chance. They failed, but they had a chance.
Next turn, the frigate got closer, tried concentrated fire and failed. The pirates then got closer, and were within missile range. The Reroll fired two missiles, both of which hit. One missile destroyed the Frigate’s shields and the other missile hit the sheilds that no longer existed.
The Reroll then let loose with their guns. One gun hits the Frigate’s engine and the other chipped away at the Hull.
The Frigate fails their received damage test and loses a point of Rep. The crew is no longer as plucky! The Frigate then fails their engine damage test and decide that they are done with this lopsided battle.
***
Grognard watched the explosions ripple across The Hasan. The shield flickered off and something important looking was now drifting behind the ship. The frigate wobbled and seemed to veer to port uncontrollably. Seconds later, The Hasan vanished as it activated their jump drives.
The bridge crew cheered. Grognard allowed himself a smile. Nothing left now put to capture that golden prize headed right for them.”
***
Already the Crypt Ship is alone. With one gun and one shield, it is hardly a threat. The real challenge is that any damage it takes reduces the value of the ship. It is a Class 4 Tanker so boarding it is not a guarantee that the Class Four Ravagers would automatically win. I decide to fire a few shots and see if maybe I can get lucky with a bridge or engine hit.
****
“Gunner, soften up The Long Sleep and encourage them to take a nap,” Grognard ordered.
The gunner stared back at him, trying to work out Grognard’s tortured metaphor. He gave up and activated the missiles.
Grognard watched with satisfaction as the missiles closed in on the slow moving Crypt Ship. He chuckled as the awkward ship failed to evade. He laughed as plasma exploded within the Crypt Ship.
His laugh died as he saw thousands of glittering precious items get sucked into the vacuum of space from a hole in the ship.
“Uh, we hit one of the cargo bays,” someone reported.
***
Sigh. First missile launch and I take out a cargo bay. There goes 30 CV right there.
The guns fire and I manage to get a hit on the Crypt Ship’s guns. That reduces their own weapon to zero and the CV to 269. I decide that maybe it is time to stop damaging the really valuable ship.
***
“Captain Deathspasm? How would you like to be the first to board the Crypt Ship and claim our prize?” Grognard did his best to make it sound as awesome as possible.
It wasn’t necessary. Captain Deathspasm screamed so loud that his Mohawk shook. “It would be an honor! I will lead the charge myself!”
“Good for you!” Grognard replied. He knew how nasty boarding actions were. Better the new guys than his crew.
***
The Crypt Ship moves forward two inches every turn. That is it. It isn’t allowed to maneuver. It is a slow moving duck that just requires the pirates to match speed and direction in order to board.
Of course, this takes me close to eight turns to pull off. Coming to a full stop, pivoting 180 degrees and then catching up took me way too long. I am starting to believe that shooting and taking damage is important but man, not as nearly as getting your ships to go where they need to go. I feel like I need flight lessons.
Omega Murder Comet has the ‘honor’ of attempting the first boarding. What is the point of being the commander of a pirate fleet if you can’t make others take the risks?
The pirates had no troubles. They rolled 6 success to the Crypt Ship’s 2 and took command of the ship. Sadly for the crew of the Crypt Ship, they completely botch their surrender roll and their corpses were added to the debris littering this sector of space.
***
Captain Grognard slowly walked the halls of The Long Sleep. The smell of ritual incense was thick in the air which was good because it covered the smell of blood and laser fire. He stopped to admire a ventilation screen that looked to be made of polished silver.
“Captain! I found a toilet seat made of pure platinum! Can I keep it?”
Grognard shook his head at the excited crewman. “Sorry, Alez. We’re taking the whole ship to a dealer. There will be no golden thrones for you but you’ll have enough credits to wipe your butt with them if you want.”
Pirate life was getting better every day.
Go there, die there.
We reject your right to air.
We enjoy your dying stare.”
Captain Grognard found himself singing along to the transmission from Omega Murder Comet. The pirates wrote and performed their own music and it was quite catchy. Grognard had never heard a hundred electric guitars before and it was invigorating. For some reason, Grognard had an urge to wear more black t-shirts.
“Crypt Ship has been located!” announced Isis on sensors. “It identifies as The Long Sleep.”
Grognard muted the music. “What kind of escorts do they have?”
“A single Blackwater Frigate,” Isis reported. “It identifies as the Hasan.”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. “Blackwater is one of the more ruthless mercenary companies. Those guys would kill their grandmother and charge their parents for the bullets. Just one, you said?”
“Aye,” Isis said.
Grognard pushed a button. The sweating hulking form of Captain Deathspasm appeared on his personal viewer. Grognard waited until Deathspasm was done howling the end of the song.
“Deathspasm, we found the Crypt Ship. Let’s go knock out their bodyguard.”
Deathspasm nodded and lifted his battle-microphone.
“Into battle, RIDE!”
***
Today’s AAR involves playtesting one of my adventures for Star navy. The scenario is Crypt Ship. It has a rather limited ship loaded with treasure traveling in a straight line protected by escorts. My pirate force consists of 2 Class 4 Ravagers. The main thing to note is that the Crypt Ship is so valuable that any time it takes damage, it loses some of its 300 Cargo Value.
First thing I did was roll up the escorts. A low roll got me the result of “Two Less Than Player Force”. This meant the poor Crypt Ship only got a single escort.
Another roll determined that the lone escort was a mere Class 3 Free Company Frigate. On the up side, it has a Rep 5. I am sure the crew is very plucky.
Initial long range scans were sad for everyone. Starting distance was 36 inches and head on.
***
“The Hasan has left formation and is headed for us. The Hasan and The Long Sleep are concentrating their fire on us.”
Captain Grognard caught himself humming the guitar solo of “Go into the Vacuum. “Open fire on The Hasan. Tell the Omega Murder Comet to do the same. Man, that is a mouthful. Let’s just call them Omega.”
***
Concentrated fire from the Crypt Ship and Frigate was sad. A combined 2 guns against 3 shields is a long shot. As long as a shot that it is, it still has a miniscule chance of taking down a shield which at least makes every roll important. They failed but hey, they had a chance.
Funny enough, the Pirate ships had to combine fire to get through the Frigate’s shields and they stood a much better chance. They failed, but they had a chance.
Next turn, the frigate got closer, tried concentrated fire and failed. The pirates then got closer, and were within missile range. The Reroll fired two missiles, both of which hit. One missile destroyed the Frigate’s shields and the other missile hit the sheilds that no longer existed.
The Reroll then let loose with their guns. One gun hits the Frigate’s engine and the other chipped away at the Hull.
The Frigate fails their received damage test and loses a point of Rep. The crew is no longer as plucky! The Frigate then fails their engine damage test and decide that they are done with this lopsided battle.
***
Grognard watched the explosions ripple across The Hasan. The shield flickered off and something important looking was now drifting behind the ship. The frigate wobbled and seemed to veer to port uncontrollably. Seconds later, The Hasan vanished as it activated their jump drives.
The bridge crew cheered. Grognard allowed himself a smile. Nothing left now put to capture that golden prize headed right for them.”
***
Already the Crypt Ship is alone. With one gun and one shield, it is hardly a threat. The real challenge is that any damage it takes reduces the value of the ship. It is a Class 4 Tanker so boarding it is not a guarantee that the Class Four Ravagers would automatically win. I decide to fire a few shots and see if maybe I can get lucky with a bridge or engine hit.
****
“Gunner, soften up The Long Sleep and encourage them to take a nap,” Grognard ordered.
The gunner stared back at him, trying to work out Grognard’s tortured metaphor. He gave up and activated the missiles.
Grognard watched with satisfaction as the missiles closed in on the slow moving Crypt Ship. He chuckled as the awkward ship failed to evade. He laughed as plasma exploded within the Crypt Ship.
His laugh died as he saw thousands of glittering precious items get sucked into the vacuum of space from a hole in the ship.
“Uh, we hit one of the cargo bays,” someone reported.
***
Sigh. First missile launch and I take out a cargo bay. There goes 30 CV right there.
The guns fire and I manage to get a hit on the Crypt Ship’s guns. That reduces their own weapon to zero and the CV to 269. I decide that maybe it is time to stop damaging the really valuable ship.
***
“Captain Deathspasm? How would you like to be the first to board the Crypt Ship and claim our prize?” Grognard did his best to make it sound as awesome as possible.
It wasn’t necessary. Captain Deathspasm screamed so loud that his Mohawk shook. “It would be an honor! I will lead the charge myself!”
“Good for you!” Grognard replied. He knew how nasty boarding actions were. Better the new guys than his crew.
***
The Crypt Ship moves forward two inches every turn. That is it. It isn’t allowed to maneuver. It is a slow moving duck that just requires the pirates to match speed and direction in order to board.
Of course, this takes me close to eight turns to pull off. Coming to a full stop, pivoting 180 degrees and then catching up took me way too long. I am starting to believe that shooting and taking damage is important but man, not as nearly as getting your ships to go where they need to go. I feel like I need flight lessons.
Omega Murder Comet has the ‘honor’ of attempting the first boarding. What is the point of being the commander of a pirate fleet if you can’t make others take the risks?
The pirates had no troubles. They rolled 6 success to the Crypt Ship’s 2 and took command of the ship. Sadly for the crew of the Crypt Ship, they completely botch their surrender roll and their corpses were added to the debris littering this sector of space.
***
Captain Grognard slowly walked the halls of The Long Sleep. The smell of ritual incense was thick in the air which was good because it covered the smell of blood and laser fire. He stopped to admire a ventilation screen that looked to be made of polished silver.
“Captain! I found a toilet seat made of pure platinum! Can I keep it?”
Grognard shook his head at the excited crewman. “Sorry, Alez. We’re taking the whole ship to a dealer. There will be no golden thrones for you but you’ll have enough credits to wipe your butt with them if you want.”
Pirate life was getting better every day.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Shipper Feed from the Reroll
Reroll Shipper Feed
AlezBii: We’re finally leaving port! Woot! I hope we get some phat loot soon! #loot #piratelife
Skippy: The blood of the merchant will flow between my fingers.
OldHank: Hardcore @Skippy. And creepy.
KarentheKnife: I heard a rumor in the mess today that we’re not going after merchant ships. Supposedly we’re hunting down some band that ticked off our partners, those indie guys at Omega Murder Storm.
Uno: That would suck. I signed on to make money, not settle old scores. We barely know these Alpha Murder Comet freaks. #loot
Skippy: Blood is blood and it will flow by my hand.
IsisEyes: That’s not true, @KarentheKnife. We are enroute to intercept a Pygptiak ship.
SherriVoon: What the drok is a Pygptiak? Do they have money? #loot
DannyLaser: Those are those dead guys who roam space in cryo frozen ships and murder people for kicks. We shouldn’t mess with those guys! #loot #piratesrule
OldHank: That is an old spaceship myth, @DannyLaser. Pygptiaks are funeral ships loaded with treasure and headed for a resting place. They take secret routes and hard to find. People onboard are very alive.
Uno: Lords of Space, I like ships loaded with treasure! We need to find that ship! #loot
Skippy: Alien blood is blood no matter what color it is.
AlezBii: We’re finally leaving port! Woot! I hope we get some phat loot soon! #loot #piratelife
Skippy: The blood of the merchant will flow between my fingers.
OldHank: Hardcore @Skippy. And creepy.
KarentheKnife: I heard a rumor in the mess today that we’re not going after merchant ships. Supposedly we’re hunting down some band that ticked off our partners, those indie guys at Omega Murder Storm.
Uno: That would suck. I signed on to make money, not settle old scores. We barely know these Alpha Murder Comet freaks. #loot
Skippy: Blood is blood and it will flow by my hand.
IsisEyes: That’s not true, @KarentheKnife. We are enroute to intercept a Pygptiak ship.
SherriVoon: What the drok is a Pygptiak? Do they have money? #loot
DannyLaser: Those are those dead guys who roam space in cryo frozen ships and murder people for kicks. We shouldn’t mess with those guys! #loot #piratesrule
OldHank: That is an old spaceship myth, @DannyLaser. Pygptiaks are funeral ships loaded with treasure and headed for a resting place. They take secret routes and hard to find. People onboard are very alive.
Uno: Lords of Space, I like ships loaded with treasure! We need to find that ship! #loot
Skippy: Alien blood is blood no matter what color it is.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Wal-Targ Special Announcement
Attention all Wal-Targ-3 customers, managers and citizen-associates. The pirate ship, Omega Murder Comet, has been spotted in nearby star systems. More disturbing, recent Wal-Targ operatives have confirmed that the captain, one Randy Deathspasm, has known connections to a recent scourge of low prices and dominating monopolies, Captain Grognard.
Wal-Targ citizen associates and business partners are to be advised to avoid all contact with these pirates as they have been known to have zero respect for the manifest destiny of Wal-Targ’s galactic quest of financial supremacy. If spotted, please contact the closest Wal-Targ Security Ship and await assistance.
Note, any cargo lost while within Wal-Targ space will not be compensated by Wal-Targ.
Further Information:
Randy Deathspasm is wanted on 783 counts of Making Music Without an A-Tunes Commercial License.
Omega Murder Comet has a confirmed capture record of 26 merchant ships.
Omega Murder Comet most successful single was “Eat My Plasma” which was the 3rd most downloaded song on the SecretNet for last year.
Wal-Targ citizen associates and business partners are to be advised to avoid all contact with these pirates as they have been known to have zero respect for the manifest destiny of Wal-Targ’s galactic quest of financial supremacy. If spotted, please contact the closest Wal-Targ Security Ship and await assistance.
Note, any cargo lost while within Wal-Targ space will not be compensated by Wal-Targ.
Further Information:
Randy Deathspasm is wanted on 783 counts of Making Music Without an A-Tunes Commercial License.
Omega Murder Comet has a confirmed capture record of 26 merchant ships.
Omega Murder Comet most successful single was “Eat My Plasma” which was the 3rd most downloaded song on the SecretNet for last year.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Encounter at Airlock Seven
The airlock opened and Captain Grognard winced. The screech of metal on metal was irritating on a normal day but today his head was barely functioning. He had just returned from New Hope and he was just now starting to come down from all the stims he had consumed. He wasn’t as young as he used to be and staying alert for a 93 hour game of Alignments and Alliances had been a challenge. Grognard had won a glorious victory but he barely remembered half of it.
Still, it had been nice to game again. Even better was being able to walk into a gaming parlor and being rich enough to purchase whatever expensive or obscure gaming holo-figure that he wanted. He should have become a Space Pirate ages ago. There was almost no other way to afford being a gamer these days.
Grognard walked down the corridor towards his ship. His bodyguards were aware of his headache and were respectfully quiet. Grognard planned to get back to The Reroll and crash in his quarters for an entire day of silence. He couldn’t wait.
“GOOD EVENING, CAPTAIN GROGNARD!” a booming voice announced down the corridor.
Grognard physically recoiled from the sound. When he opened his eyes, he saw seven people standing in front of the airlock to his ship. All of them were wearing leather and polished steel. Strange piercings emerged from unexpected places. Both men and women had long flowing hair that shimmered in the light. They wielded large weapons that Grognard didn’t recognize and his personal sidearm felt inadequate in size.
“Keep your drekking voice down!” Grognard snapped. “What do you want?”
The leader stepped forward. He was seven feet tall and a chest nearly as broad. Muscles rippled on his chest as he walked. He carried a large club adorned with spikes.
“I am Randy Deathspasm!” the leader yelled slightly quieter. “I am lead singer of the starship band known as Omega Murder Comet! We are a three hundred strong band and we have come to rock!”
Grognard relaxed slightly. They were Indie Pirates. After the great A-Tunes Infringement Wars, many music armies went rogue and sought out their own fortunes. He had heard of them but he didn’t know any of them was operating in this sector.
He took a closer look at the fearsome group. What he thought were weapons were really musical instruments with really sharp edges and laser barrels. Randy wasn’t carrying a club, it was a microphone. Each of them had a cable plugged into their ears, obviously feeding them a constant stream of music.
“You have come to the right place,” Grognard said. “There are plenty of merchants ships that come through here. Just leave the other pirates alone and you’ll be fine.”
Randy Deathspasm shook his head. “We heard that you have fought the Star Navy and lived. We have heard that you have slaughtered people in boarding actions. We have heard that you have an unquenchable blood thirst!”
Captain Grognard stood a little taller. “Yeah, we kick a lot of ass around here.”
“We wish to join your tour!” Deathspasm said. “We want to add our music to yours and wash in the blood of our enemies, steal their gold and ravish their groupies. We shall open for you until the skies rain gore on our rotting bodies!”
“What the drek does that mean?” one of Grognard’s bodyguards said.
Captain Grognard smiled. “They want to join our fleet.”
He stepped forward and offered his hand. The giant rocker shook his hand, his large fist swallowing Grognard’s.
“To celebrate, my band crew has prepared a song,” Randy Deathspasm said. “It is called Murder Pirates. It is twenty minutes long and extremely brutal. Plug into our Shipper network and you can download it. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it.”
Grognard’s smile never faltered. “I can’t wait to hear it.”
Still, it had been nice to game again. Even better was being able to walk into a gaming parlor and being rich enough to purchase whatever expensive or obscure gaming holo-figure that he wanted. He should have become a Space Pirate ages ago. There was almost no other way to afford being a gamer these days.
Grognard walked down the corridor towards his ship. His bodyguards were aware of his headache and were respectfully quiet. Grognard planned to get back to The Reroll and crash in his quarters for an entire day of silence. He couldn’t wait.
“GOOD EVENING, CAPTAIN GROGNARD!” a booming voice announced down the corridor.
Grognard physically recoiled from the sound. When he opened his eyes, he saw seven people standing in front of the airlock to his ship. All of them were wearing leather and polished steel. Strange piercings emerged from unexpected places. Both men and women had long flowing hair that shimmered in the light. They wielded large weapons that Grognard didn’t recognize and his personal sidearm felt inadequate in size.
“Keep your drekking voice down!” Grognard snapped. “What do you want?”
The leader stepped forward. He was seven feet tall and a chest nearly as broad. Muscles rippled on his chest as he walked. He carried a large club adorned with spikes.
“I am Randy Deathspasm!” the leader yelled slightly quieter. “I am lead singer of the starship band known as Omega Murder Comet! We are a three hundred strong band and we have come to rock!”
Grognard relaxed slightly. They were Indie Pirates. After the great A-Tunes Infringement Wars, many music armies went rogue and sought out their own fortunes. He had heard of them but he didn’t know any of them was operating in this sector.
He took a closer look at the fearsome group. What he thought were weapons were really musical instruments with really sharp edges and laser barrels. Randy wasn’t carrying a club, it was a microphone. Each of them had a cable plugged into their ears, obviously feeding them a constant stream of music.
“You have come to the right place,” Grognard said. “There are plenty of merchants ships that come through here. Just leave the other pirates alone and you’ll be fine.”
Randy Deathspasm shook his head. “We heard that you have fought the Star Navy and lived. We have heard that you have slaughtered people in boarding actions. We have heard that you have an unquenchable blood thirst!”
Captain Grognard stood a little taller. “Yeah, we kick a lot of ass around here.”
“We wish to join your tour!” Deathspasm said. “We want to add our music to yours and wash in the blood of our enemies, steal their gold and ravish their groupies. We shall open for you until the skies rain gore on our rotting bodies!”
“What the drek does that mean?” one of Grognard’s bodyguards said.
Captain Grognard smiled. “They want to join our fleet.”
He stepped forward and offered his hand. The giant rocker shook his hand, his large fist swallowing Grognard’s.
“To celebrate, my band crew has prepared a song,” Randy Deathspasm said. “It is called Murder Pirates. It is twenty minutes long and extremely brutal. Plug into our Shipper network and you can download it. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it.”
Grognard’s smile never faltered. “I can’t wait to hear it.”
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Released From Medbay!
My wife is cleared to return to work on Monday! Her broken leg has healed, she’s endured surgery, a cast and 4 months of physical therapy! She can walk now with a cane like a bad-ass mastermind!
Best of all, I get my gaming area back! Woot!
Current plans are to play the next campaign mission in my Captain Grognard campaign next week and do an AAR the week after.
Next week though, I get back into the fiction fluff side of things with blog posts. 3 months ago I rolled up a new Class 4 Pirate Ship to join the fleet but never got around to describing them. I really should have thought about that more.
I want to thank everyone for sticking with the blog and I can promise new adventures soon.
Best of all, I get my gaming area back! Woot!
Current plans are to play the next campaign mission in my Captain Grognard campaign next week and do an AAR the week after.
Next week though, I get back into the fiction fluff side of things with blog posts. 3 months ago I rolled up a new Class 4 Pirate Ship to join the fleet but never got around to describing them. I really should have thought about that more.
I want to thank everyone for sticking with the blog and I can promise new adventures soon.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Adventure: Thrill-Raiders of the Rich and Famous
Pirates aren’t the only scourges of space. The sons and daughters of the decadently rich sometimes form fleets with their yachts and raid shipping and transport ships for the fun of it. They command crews of slightly less wealthy flunkies who want to tag along with those more notorious than them.
Worse, these wealthy thrill raiders rarely even loot the ships they destroy. They are in it for the fun and the violence. These dangerous spawn of the wealthy rarely pay a price for their raids as their parents will protect them from the authorities. In fact, several Captains have been removed from command because they stopped the fun of some rich bastard’s spoiled child.
Nothing can protect them from Space Pirates though. Even better, if a Space Pirate snags a rich heir alive, then they can ransom them back to their parents.
Lucky for the player, he has received a tip as to where a fleet of rich kids are intending to hunt. The player will intercept this fleet and attempt a few choice kidnappings.
The Thrill Raider fleet is comprised of Class 3 Runner ships. The number of ships in the force is equal to the number of pirate ships + d6. These ships will never call for help and if they did, local authorities would lose their call.
Set up is for a normal patrol contact.
For each Runner ship captured or forced to surrender, the Pirate player get 50 CV for ransom.
Worse, these wealthy thrill raiders rarely even loot the ships they destroy. They are in it for the fun and the violence. These dangerous spawn of the wealthy rarely pay a price for their raids as their parents will protect them from the authorities. In fact, several Captains have been removed from command because they stopped the fun of some rich bastard’s spoiled child.
Nothing can protect them from Space Pirates though. Even better, if a Space Pirate snags a rich heir alive, then they can ransom them back to their parents.
Lucky for the player, he has received a tip as to where a fleet of rich kids are intending to hunt. The player will intercept this fleet and attempt a few choice kidnappings.
The Thrill Raider fleet is comprised of Class 3 Runner ships. The number of ships in the force is equal to the number of pirate ships + d6. These ships will never call for help and if they did, local authorities would lose their call.
Set up is for a normal patrol contact.
For each Runner ship captured or forced to surrender, the Pirate player get 50 CV for ransom.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Update From Sick Bay
My wife's leg and ankle are healing nicely. She now has 6 pins and 2
metal plates which I think makes her bionic. Heck, it makes her more of
a pirate than I am now.
Her leg is still in a cast which means she can't put any weight on it. She has been stuck at home and I take care and assist her all day. It puts a real crimp in any sort of tabletop gaming.
I am still working on making random adventures for Star Navy. I broke out my old Realms of Chaos books for adventure ideas because in my flawed memory, I thought there was a random adventure generator that had hundreds of adventures. The reality is that the book had closer to 50 and most of them were variations of Guy A has sworn to kill his arch-enemy/rival/total stranger who just happens to be Guy B. It wasn't the wellspring of adventures that I remembered it being.
The tricky thing about making adventures for Star Navy is the ability of non-merchant ships to break away from combat on their turn. I am assuming this means they are going to warp speed or hyperspace as it prevents their enemies from following them. This instant escape hatch eliminates a lot of scenarios where the player would be required to shoot their way out of a trap or through a blockade. I am debating changing the rules for breaking off but I am still undecided. I often take the attitude that game designers make their decisions for a reason and I am loathe to tamper with that.
Her leg is still in a cast which means she can't put any weight on it. She has been stuck at home and I take care and assist her all day. It puts a real crimp in any sort of tabletop gaming.
I am still working on making random adventures for Star Navy. I broke out my old Realms of Chaos books for adventure ideas because in my flawed memory, I thought there was a random adventure generator that had hundreds of adventures. The reality is that the book had closer to 50 and most of them were variations of Guy A has sworn to kill his arch-enemy/rival/total stranger who just happens to be Guy B. It wasn't the wellspring of adventures that I remembered it being.
The tricky thing about making adventures for Star Navy is the ability of non-merchant ships to break away from combat on their turn. I am assuming this means they are going to warp speed or hyperspace as it prevents their enemies from following them. This instant escape hatch eliminates a lot of scenarios where the player would be required to shoot their way out of a trap or through a blockade. I am debating changing the rules for breaking off but I am still undecided. I often take the attitude that game designers make their decisions for a reason and I am loathe to tamper with that.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Adventure: Where in Space is Captain Enigma's Treasure?
Captain Enigma was a highly successful if a bit paranoid space pirate. She raided merchant ships from one end of the galaxy to the other and was famous for almost never spending her ill-gotten gains. She regularly paid off her crew, fired them, and then stashed the rest in secret remote asteroids. She would pull into port with an empty ship, take on a full crew and begin the pirate cycle anew.
Although she disappeared completely some time ago, people still stumble upon one of her secret treasure hoards. The fact that people keep finding her treasure is a testament to how successful she was.
Luckily for the player, he recently came upon a map that shows where one of Captain Enigma’s treasures are hidden. Unluckily for the player, the sentient who sold the player the map also sold a copy to another group.
First determine the competitor for the treasure. Roll a d6.
1 – Pirates of the same race as the controlling ring.
2 – Xeog Pirates who love this kind of treasure hunt.
3 – Free Company mercenaries.
4 or 5 – Military from the controlling ring.
6 – Star Navy Admiral willing to abuse his power to get some retirement fund money.
Determine size of the force as if generating an encounter for a patrol contact mission.
Make rolls for long rang scans. Determine starting distance from one another. The Treasure Asteroid is halfway between the two forces, but 6 inches closer to the side with the higher long range scan roll.
Getting the treasure isn’t too hard. A ship must board the asteroid and search it for treasure. Unlike ship boarding, the ship can keep their shields up but are still unable to fire guns. Roll 2 dice against their Rep and count successes.
0 successes – Captain Enigma hid it well. Pirates are confused by the multiple false doors, strangely carved X’s into the rock and false crater openings.
1 Success – The pirates begin to untangle the multiple clues that Captain enigma left behind. Turns out that X does mark the spot, but which X? Add an extra die to future search rolls.
2 Successes – The pirates find the treasure! They begin transfer of treasure and may leave the asteroid next turn.
First group to leave with the treasure wins. Note that a ship can simply break off from fighting the turn after they get the treasure.
The treasure stashed away in the asteroid is 5d6 x 10CV.
Although she disappeared completely some time ago, people still stumble upon one of her secret treasure hoards. The fact that people keep finding her treasure is a testament to how successful she was.
Luckily for the player, he recently came upon a map that shows where one of Captain Enigma’s treasures are hidden. Unluckily for the player, the sentient who sold the player the map also sold a copy to another group.
First determine the competitor for the treasure. Roll a d6.
1 – Pirates of the same race as the controlling ring.
2 – Xeog Pirates who love this kind of treasure hunt.
3 – Free Company mercenaries.
4 or 5 – Military from the controlling ring.
6 – Star Navy Admiral willing to abuse his power to get some retirement fund money.
Determine size of the force as if generating an encounter for a patrol contact mission.
Make rolls for long rang scans. Determine starting distance from one another. The Treasure Asteroid is halfway between the two forces, but 6 inches closer to the side with the higher long range scan roll.
Getting the treasure isn’t too hard. A ship must board the asteroid and search it for treasure. Unlike ship boarding, the ship can keep their shields up but are still unable to fire guns. Roll 2 dice against their Rep and count successes.
0 successes – Captain Enigma hid it well. Pirates are confused by the multiple false doors, strangely carved X’s into the rock and false crater openings.
1 Success – The pirates begin to untangle the multiple clues that Captain enigma left behind. Turns out that X does mark the spot, but which X? Add an extra die to future search rolls.
2 Successes – The pirates find the treasure! They begin transfer of treasure and may leave the asteroid next turn.
First group to leave with the treasure wins. Note that a ship can simply break off from fighting the turn after they get the treasure.
The treasure stashed away in the asteroid is 5d6 x 10CV.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Adventure: Steal the Ransom!
On a recent raid, a certain other pirate took a valuable hostage. A ransom has been negotiated and a freighter full of treasure is headed to a rendezvous point in order to make an exchange. The pirate player just so happens to know where that point is and plans to steal the ransom for themselves.
It is considered bad etiquette to steal from other pirates. It is also considered really stupid to NOT to steal from pirates when you can.
Determine the size of the pirate victims as you would a normal patrol encounter. Set them up in the center of the table at a thrust of zero. There is also a standard class 3 freighter. Every cargo bay in the freighter is filled with rarities.
The pirate player enters the table at the edge of their choosing at a speed of ten. The pirate player activates first.
The freighter is the goal of the mission. The freighter starts under the Pirate Victim’s control but is incapable of breaking off the fight. Whichever pirate force drives off the other will receive the willing surrender of the freighter.
It is considered bad etiquette to steal from other pirates. It is also considered really stupid to NOT to steal from pirates when you can.
Determine the size of the pirate victims as you would a normal patrol encounter. Set them up in the center of the table at a thrust of zero. There is also a standard class 3 freighter. Every cargo bay in the freighter is filled with rarities.
The pirate player enters the table at the edge of their choosing at a speed of ten. The pirate player activates first.
The freighter is the goal of the mission. The freighter starts under the Pirate Victim’s control but is incapable of breaking off the fight. Whichever pirate force drives off the other will receive the willing surrender of the freighter.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Adventure: Spacenet Piracy
The Spacenet is an amazing feat of technology. Using highly advanced lasers and collecting arrays, the Spacenet is a system of space stations that beam information back and forth between each other. Most planets have their own internet but connecting to the internets of other planets was impossible before the creation of the Spacenet. Now planets can connect to one another and share vast amounts of information, conduct commerce and transmit images of feline aliens to anywhere in the known galaxy.
About a month after the creation of the Spacenet, most governments and corporations restricted access to the Spacenet. To connect, you need to purchase a highly expensive access code and there are restrictions on downloading amounts. The Corporations primarily use Spacenet to transmit holovideos, AI programs and other commercial products between worlds for selling.
Most Spacenet stations are heavily armed and automated. The Pirate Player however has bribed/seduced/stolen a Spacenet Station’s personal disarmament code. This code will allow a ship to link with the Spacenet Station and steal information. Of course, local government forces will respond because if there is one thing that corporations cannot allow is Spacenet Piracy.
The Spacenet Station is a fixed point on the board. Normally it would have 10 guns, 5 shields and 10 missiles but the Pirate’s code has shut it down. At the moment, it is a hunk of space metal with 10 hull points.
The Pirate Player sets up his ships next to the Spacenet Station. He must decide which ships are tapping information and which ships are active.
Tapping Ships are boarded with the station. Their shields do not work and they are incapable of firing guns. They drain 1d6 of CV information per class of the ship each turn. The randomness comes from the uncertainty of what they are downloading. They could be downloading anything from weather reports on distant planets to the latest version of Friday the 13th: Part 678 before it reaches commercial release.
Example: A Class 4 Ravager is tapping information. On the pirate’s turn, the Ravager rolls 4d6 to determine the value of the information it tapped.
Active ships are free to act as normal.
After the 1st turn of Spacenet Theft, roll 3d6 and count successes for anything 4+.
0 Successes – Local Forces are debating who should have to go respond to the call. No help arrives this turn.
1 Success – Local Forces are mobilizing and will be there shortly. Add an extra die to the next Response Roll.
2 Successes – A Local Force has arrived. Roll on table 2 to determine forces.
Note that you keep rolling for Local Forces Responding until pirates have been cleared from the station. This can escalate quickly.
Table 2 – Response Force
1 – 1 Class 5 Ship from controlling planet. Yes, Spacenet Piracy is dealt with harshly.
2 – 2 Class 4 Ships from controlling planet.
3 – A Class 4 Ship from controlling planet.
4 – 1d3 Class 3 Ships from controlling planet.
5 – 1 Class 3 Ship from controlling planet.
6 – 1d3 Fighter Squads from controlling planet.
Response forces emerge from a random side of the table at Thrust 10.
Play continues until all pirate ships have left the area. Local Forces have no hesitation in firing upon a ship docked with the Spacenet Station. Replacing a Spacenet Station is cheap, replacing the profits to be gained from the latest software upgrade can not!
Unlike most adventures, success is dependent on much CV was stolen. The mission is a success if the pirates steal a CV equal to the number of pirate ships x 20. Player greed might demand higher values.
About a month after the creation of the Spacenet, most governments and corporations restricted access to the Spacenet. To connect, you need to purchase a highly expensive access code and there are restrictions on downloading amounts. The Corporations primarily use Spacenet to transmit holovideos, AI programs and other commercial products between worlds for selling.
Most Spacenet stations are heavily armed and automated. The Pirate Player however has bribed/seduced/stolen a Spacenet Station’s personal disarmament code. This code will allow a ship to link with the Spacenet Station and steal information. Of course, local government forces will respond because if there is one thing that corporations cannot allow is Spacenet Piracy.
The Spacenet Station is a fixed point on the board. Normally it would have 10 guns, 5 shields and 10 missiles but the Pirate’s code has shut it down. At the moment, it is a hunk of space metal with 10 hull points.
The Pirate Player sets up his ships next to the Spacenet Station. He must decide which ships are tapping information and which ships are active.
Tapping Ships are boarded with the station. Their shields do not work and they are incapable of firing guns. They drain 1d6 of CV information per class of the ship each turn. The randomness comes from the uncertainty of what they are downloading. They could be downloading anything from weather reports on distant planets to the latest version of Friday the 13th: Part 678 before it reaches commercial release.
Example: A Class 4 Ravager is tapping information. On the pirate’s turn, the Ravager rolls 4d6 to determine the value of the information it tapped.
Active ships are free to act as normal.
After the 1st turn of Spacenet Theft, roll 3d6 and count successes for anything 4+.
0 Successes – Local Forces are debating who should have to go respond to the call. No help arrives this turn.
1 Success – Local Forces are mobilizing and will be there shortly. Add an extra die to the next Response Roll.
2 Successes – A Local Force has arrived. Roll on table 2 to determine forces.
Note that you keep rolling for Local Forces Responding until pirates have been cleared from the station. This can escalate quickly.
Table 2 – Response Force
1 – 1 Class 5 Ship from controlling planet. Yes, Spacenet Piracy is dealt with harshly.
2 – 2 Class 4 Ships from controlling planet.
3 – A Class 4 Ship from controlling planet.
4 – 1d3 Class 3 Ships from controlling planet.
5 – 1 Class 3 Ship from controlling planet.
6 – 1d3 Fighter Squads from controlling planet.
Response forces emerge from a random side of the table at Thrust 10.
Play continues until all pirate ships have left the area. Local Forces have no hesitation in firing upon a ship docked with the Spacenet Station. Replacing a Spacenet Station is cheap, replacing the profits to be gained from the latest software upgrade can not!
Unlike most adventures, success is dependent on much CV was stolen. The mission is a success if the pirates steal a CV equal to the number of pirate ships x 20. Player greed might demand higher values.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Adventure: Vendetta
Some pirates just don’t get along. While looking for clues to a big score, the pirate player managed to talk to the wrong attractive person, brag a little too loudly in a brothel or punched out a crewman to another pirate. Whatever the reason, the player has started a feud with another pirate that can only be settled in the cold battlefield of space. This adventure will yield little to no treasure but the personal honor of the pirates are on the line.
First, generate the pirate fleet of the pirate who has been offended. Use the patrol contact chart on page 34 of the Star navy rules to determine the size of the fleet. Generate pirate ships as normal.
Second, determine which pirate decided where to have the fight. Do this by rolling the player’s flagship’s rep vs the vendetta pirate’s flagship’s rep. Roll one die for each point of rep and add it together. The highest result picked the area of space, which means for this conflict, they count as “Controlling the Space”
Now that a place has been picked, both pirates take their fleets there. Roll for long range scans and do initial setup as normal.
The Vendetta fight does not necessarily go to the death. Ships are allowed to break off at any time. The winner is determined by who has the last ship on the field of battle.
Losing the Vendetta means that the player counts the mission as failed for morale purposes.
Winning the vendetta means that the player counts the mission as a success for morale purposes.
If the pirate flagship is captured, generate 2d6 CV as flagships always hold onto the best loot and this represents the player knicking the pirates’ collection of gold cups and jeweled underwear.
First, generate the pirate fleet of the pirate who has been offended. Use the patrol contact chart on page 34 of the Star navy rules to determine the size of the fleet. Generate pirate ships as normal.
Second, determine which pirate decided where to have the fight. Do this by rolling the player’s flagship’s rep vs the vendetta pirate’s flagship’s rep. Roll one die for each point of rep and add it together. The highest result picked the area of space, which means for this conflict, they count as “Controlling the Space”
Now that a place has been picked, both pirates take their fleets there. Roll for long range scans and do initial setup as normal.
The Vendetta fight does not necessarily go to the death. Ships are allowed to break off at any time. The winner is determined by who has the last ship on the field of battle.
Losing the Vendetta means that the player counts the mission as failed for morale purposes.
Winning the vendetta means that the player counts the mission as a success for morale purposes.
If the pirate flagship is captured, generate 2d6 CV as flagships always hold onto the best loot and this represents the player knicking the pirates’ collection of gold cups and jeweled underwear.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Space Prison Break!
Advanced societies often deal with criminals in innovative ways. They can use mind altering techniques to rehabilitate criminal minds or they can resort to cyber implants that make sure some criminals can never act out their crimes again. As advanced and effective as those techniques are, some societies enjoy just locking some people away some place really unpleasant.
Space Prisons satisfy this desire. These space stations are often located in desolate areas of space far away from civilized worlds. The interiors are unpleasant and barely qualify as habitable, while armed guards and merciless robots keep the criminals in line. If anyone ever does escape from their cell, the only place they can escape to is the cold vacuum of space.
Anywhere that there is a legal system, someone rich and powerful are going to try to buy their way out of consequences. Today a criminally wealthy person wants to hire pirates to break them out of the space prison that they are incarcerated in. The pirate will be paid handsomely if they bring them out alive.
First, generate the type of prison that they are located by rolling a d6.
1 – Class 3 Space Jail Rep 3
2 – Class 3 Space Jail Rep 4
3 – Class 4 Space Prison Rep 3
4 – Class 4 Space Prison Rep 4
5 – Class 4 Space Prison Rep 5
6 – Class 5 Space Maximum Security Rep 4
Class 3 Space Jail
Class – 3
Thrust – 0
Hull – 8
Shields – 2
Guns – 2
ML – 1
AAR – 1
Class 4 Space Prison
Class – 4
Thrust – 0
Hull – 16
Shields – 3
Guns – 3
ML – 2
AAR – 2
Class 5 Space Maximum Security
Class – 5
Thrust – 0
Hull – 24
Shields – 4
Guns – 4
ML – 3
AAR – 2
Space Prisons can’t move. They also have no facing so their missiles are effective in a 360 degree arc. The Space Prison is of the same faction as the faction controlling the ring that it is located in.
Rescuing a criminal from a Class 3 Jail is worth 100 CV.
Rescuing a criminal from a Class 4 Prison is worth 200 CV.
Rescuing a criminal from a Class 5 Maximum Security is worth 400 CV.
Once you know the size of the prison, the Pirate player can decline the adventure. This results in time passing on the campaign log and counting as a failed mission.
The Prison starts at the center of the table. The pirates may enter in from any side of the table and from multiple sides if wanted. The Pirates activate first. The Prison will fire a warning shot at any ship that comes within 48 inches. If the Prison will skip a warning shot if fired upon.
The Prison will send out a distress signal as soon as fired upon just like a merchant ship.
The Pirates have two options. They can either wear the prison down and try to get the Prison to surrender, or they can board and try to grab the prisoner.
When boarding, roll as normal except that if the pirates are successful, they have found the right prisoner and returned to the ship. At no point can the pirates seize control of the prison as these kinds of space prisons have triple backup systems to prevent prisoners from doing such a thing.
A Prison Station has Cell Bays instead of Cargo Bays. It is entirely possible to kill the prisoner you are looking for by accident! Make a note of how many Cell Bays are destroyed. When the Pirates force a surrender OR do a successful boarding action, roll randomly to determine which of the Cell Bays that the prisoner is located in. If it blew up, oops!
Example: The Pirates hit the Space Jail’s Cell Bays twice. Out of the 10 Cell bays, only eight are left. The Space Jail surrenders and offers to hand over the prisoner. The Pirate player rolls a d10 to determine which Cell Bay the prisoner was in. Then he rolls a D10 twice to see which Cell Bays blew up.
Space Prisons satisfy this desire. These space stations are often located in desolate areas of space far away from civilized worlds. The interiors are unpleasant and barely qualify as habitable, while armed guards and merciless robots keep the criminals in line. If anyone ever does escape from their cell, the only place they can escape to is the cold vacuum of space.
Anywhere that there is a legal system, someone rich and powerful are going to try to buy their way out of consequences. Today a criminally wealthy person wants to hire pirates to break them out of the space prison that they are incarcerated in. The pirate will be paid handsomely if they bring them out alive.
First, generate the type of prison that they are located by rolling a d6.
1 – Class 3 Space Jail Rep 3
2 – Class 3 Space Jail Rep 4
3 – Class 4 Space Prison Rep 3
4 – Class 4 Space Prison Rep 4
5 – Class 4 Space Prison Rep 5
6 – Class 5 Space Maximum Security Rep 4
Class 3 Space Jail
Class – 3
Thrust – 0
Hull – 8
Shields – 2
Guns – 2
ML – 1
AAR – 1
Class 4 Space Prison
Class – 4
Thrust – 0
Hull – 16
Shields – 3
Guns – 3
ML – 2
AAR – 2
Class 5 Space Maximum Security
Class – 5
Thrust – 0
Hull – 24
Shields – 4
Guns – 4
ML – 3
AAR – 2
Space Prisons can’t move. They also have no facing so their missiles are effective in a 360 degree arc. The Space Prison is of the same faction as the faction controlling the ring that it is located in.
Rescuing a criminal from a Class 3 Jail is worth 100 CV.
Rescuing a criminal from a Class 4 Prison is worth 200 CV.
Rescuing a criminal from a Class 5 Maximum Security is worth 400 CV.
Once you know the size of the prison, the Pirate player can decline the adventure. This results in time passing on the campaign log and counting as a failed mission.
The Prison starts at the center of the table. The pirates may enter in from any side of the table and from multiple sides if wanted. The Pirates activate first. The Prison will fire a warning shot at any ship that comes within 48 inches. If the Prison will skip a warning shot if fired upon.
The Prison will send out a distress signal as soon as fired upon just like a merchant ship.
The Pirates have two options. They can either wear the prison down and try to get the Prison to surrender, or they can board and try to grab the prisoner.
When boarding, roll as normal except that if the pirates are successful, they have found the right prisoner and returned to the ship. At no point can the pirates seize control of the prison as these kinds of space prisons have triple backup systems to prevent prisoners from doing such a thing.
A Prison Station has Cell Bays instead of Cargo Bays. It is entirely possible to kill the prisoner you are looking for by accident! Make a note of how many Cell Bays are destroyed. When the Pirates force a surrender OR do a successful boarding action, roll randomly to determine which of the Cell Bays that the prisoner is located in. If it blew up, oops!
Example: The Pirates hit the Space Jail’s Cell Bays twice. Out of the 10 Cell bays, only eight are left. The Space Jail surrenders and offers to hand over the prisoner. The Pirate player rolls a d10 to determine which Cell Bay the prisoner was in. Then he rolls a D10 twice to see which Cell Bays blew up.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Adventure: Crypt Ship
Background
The Pygptiaks are a wealthy if eccentric minor race. They are one of the few star faring races that believe in astrology and in fact use astrology in most of their business decisions. The amazing thing is that it seems to work for them.
Another curious trait of the Pygptiaks is that they believe when you die, you can take it with you. The trick is that you have to transport your wealth, and your corpse in a massive crypt ship through a complex serious of rituals performed in different star systems. Once the trip is over, the entire ship is interred in an asteroid field that is heavily guarded by Pygptiak forces.
Pygptiak Crypt ships are beautiful works of art. The corridors are lined with rare metals. The engines are hand crafted. The storage bays are filled with rare goods and exquisite statues. Even the waste facilities use rare water imported from the most exotic springs.
Understandably, these ships become targets for pirates. The Star Navy has stopped answering Pygptiak Crypt ship distress calls ever since a breakdown in treaty negotiations back in 4190. That is why each ship is usually accompanied by Free Company ships hired for protection.
Rules
The Pygptiak Crypt ship has the same stats as a Class 4, Rep 4 Tanker with the following exceptions.
The crew of the Crypt Ship rolls 3 dice for received damage tests. This represents how fanatic the Pygyptiaks are when it comes to protecting Crypt Ships.
A captured Pygptiak ship has a CV of 300. However, every point of damage it takes to any part of the ship, results in a loss of one CV. If a cargo bay is destroyed, 30 CV is destroyed.
Generate the escorts as you would for a Patrol Contact and then add the Crypt ship the total.
Example: I have a three pirate ship fleet. I roll an 8 which means I encounter a Crypt Ship with 3 Free Company escorts.
The Pygptiak Crypt ship will be in front of the fleet, with the escort ships forming a line behind it. The crypt fleet will open fire on anyone that closes to within 36 inches, which is the other reason that no one answers their distress calls anymore. The escorts are allowed to move as normal when fighting begins but the Crypt ship cannot. It is restricted to a speed of 2 and it must continue flying in a straight line from its initial starting position. The rituals for preparing the corpse and the wealth are quite strict on this.
The Free Company escorts will break off as normal but the Crypt ship is incapable of breaking off. The fight will continue until the pirate player decides to flee or the Crypt Ship surrenders or is captured.
The Pygptiaks are a wealthy if eccentric minor race. They are one of the few star faring races that believe in astrology and in fact use astrology in most of their business decisions. The amazing thing is that it seems to work for them.
Another curious trait of the Pygptiaks is that they believe when you die, you can take it with you. The trick is that you have to transport your wealth, and your corpse in a massive crypt ship through a complex serious of rituals performed in different star systems. Once the trip is over, the entire ship is interred in an asteroid field that is heavily guarded by Pygptiak forces.
Pygptiak Crypt ships are beautiful works of art. The corridors are lined with rare metals. The engines are hand crafted. The storage bays are filled with rare goods and exquisite statues. Even the waste facilities use rare water imported from the most exotic springs.
Understandably, these ships become targets for pirates. The Star Navy has stopped answering Pygptiak Crypt ship distress calls ever since a breakdown in treaty negotiations back in 4190. That is why each ship is usually accompanied by Free Company ships hired for protection.
Rules
The Pygptiak Crypt ship has the same stats as a Class 4, Rep 4 Tanker with the following exceptions.
The crew of the Crypt Ship rolls 3 dice for received damage tests. This represents how fanatic the Pygyptiaks are when it comes to protecting Crypt Ships.
A captured Pygptiak ship has a CV of 300. However, every point of damage it takes to any part of the ship, results in a loss of one CV. If a cargo bay is destroyed, 30 CV is destroyed.
Generate the escorts as you would for a Patrol Contact and then add the Crypt ship the total.
Example: I have a three pirate ship fleet. I roll an 8 which means I encounter a Crypt Ship with 3 Free Company escorts.
The Pygptiak Crypt ship will be in front of the fleet, with the escort ships forming a line behind it. The crypt fleet will open fire on anyone that closes to within 36 inches, which is the other reason that no one answers their distress calls anymore. The escorts are allowed to move as normal when fighting begins but the Crypt ship cannot. It is restricted to a speed of 2 and it must continue flying in a straight line from its initial starting position. The rituals for preparing the corpse and the wealth are quite strict on this.
The Free Company escorts will break off as normal but the Crypt ship is incapable of breaking off. The fight will continue until the pirate player decides to flee or the Crypt Ship surrenders or is captured.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Report From Sick Bay
Two weeks ago my wife fell on some stairs and broke her leg. It was one of those freak accidents that has amazed medical professionals. She had surgery last week and is now couch bound with a cast.
Let me tell you, it is hard to be a space pirate when taking care of your spouse. The table I normally play on has been re-purposed to hold everything from her laptop to her many painkillers. I am taking care of her 24/7 and that doesn't leave much time for merchant raiding. That doesn't even take into account the time and energy spent worrying about her and there has been a lot to worry about.
During this forced pirate vacation, I'll be working out scenarios for pirate missions. Heck, by the time I have time to play again, I should have enough missions for an actual random table to roll on.
Thank you for your patience.
Let me tell you, it is hard to be a space pirate when taking care of your spouse. The table I normally play on has been re-purposed to hold everything from her laptop to her many painkillers. I am taking care of her 24/7 and that doesn't leave much time for merchant raiding. That doesn't even take into account the time and energy spent worrying about her and there has been a lot to worry about.
During this forced pirate vacation, I'll be working out scenarios for pirate missions. Heck, by the time I have time to play again, I should have enough missions for an actual random table to roll on.
Thank you for your patience.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Random Adventures
Star Navy comes with four missions but if you are a space pirate; you only get the one mission. Patrol can be fun but since this is space pirates, I would like to delve in something more high swashbuckling action.
One of my inspirations is the random mission table in the old Realms of Chaos game. if you haven't played it, it is a simulation for chaos warbands fighting each other. It is fun and pretty ridiculously broken. A bad roll can make for some ugly unfair fights where you can throw a cultist and his two peasants versus knight and his pet hydra. On the other hand, random missions had you performing prison breaks, hijacking wagon trains and engaging in crazy duels.
I would like to come up with something that is fun but not quite broken. Star Navy has a fairly good system of generating random enemies that keeps it interesting. The only thing it is missing is doing something a smidge more dramatic.
My initial idea is that every period in the pirate campaign, the player can choose to either go on a patrol, or they invest their time in ports and bars looking for a good score. They roll on a chart and find out what adventure is happening at the time. If they decide not to go on the adventure, well they lose their turn in the campaign map and must make a morale roll as if they had failed a misison.
How many adventures will be on the chart? I think Realms of Chaos made you roll a D00. I don't think we'll do that many. Say, six to start with?
One of my inspirations is the random mission table in the old Realms of Chaos game. if you haven't played it, it is a simulation for chaos warbands fighting each other. It is fun and pretty ridiculously broken. A bad roll can make for some ugly unfair fights where you can throw a cultist and his two peasants versus knight and his pet hydra. On the other hand, random missions had you performing prison breaks, hijacking wagon trains and engaging in crazy duels.
I would like to come up with something that is fun but not quite broken. Star Navy has a fairly good system of generating random enemies that keeps it interesting. The only thing it is missing is doing something a smidge more dramatic.
My initial idea is that every period in the pirate campaign, the player can choose to either go on a patrol, or they invest their time in ports and bars looking for a good score. They roll on a chart and find out what adventure is happening at the time. If they decide not to go on the adventure, well they lose their turn in the campaign map and must make a morale roll as if they had failed a misison.
How many adventures will be on the chart? I think Realms of Chaos made you roll a D00. I don't think we'll do that many. Say, six to start with?
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Help is on the Way Adjustment
When a merchant ship calls for help in Star Navy, there is the possibility of fighter squads coming to the aid. If any other ship comes, then the rules are clear as to the Rep of the ship but with fighters, there is no guidance.
To aid with this, I plan to use the following chart.
Roll 1d6
1-4 Rep 3 Fighters
5 – Rep 4 Fighters
6 – Rep 5 Fighters
Obviously Rep 5 fighters would be terribly lethal, especially in multiple numbers but hey, random butt-whooping is what Star Navy is all about.
To aid with this, I plan to use the following chart.
Roll 1d6
1-4 Rep 3 Fighters
5 – Rep 4 Fighters
6 – Rep 5 Fighters
Obviously Rep 5 fighters would be terribly lethal, especially in multiple numbers but hey, random butt-whooping is what Star Navy is all about.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Space Pirate Almanac: The Clowns of Juggalon
 |
| Juggalon Pirate |
One group went out to find a planet where they could laugh.
The inhabitants of Juggalon founded their world on the principles of comedy. They wanted to form a society that lived, breathed and grew as funny people. They adopted a strange lifestyle where the punchline is of the highest priority. On Juggalon, there is no such thing as a sad clown, unless it is funny.
Their version of comedy however can seem simplistic to outsiders. They are jaded to most forms of comedy and therefore rely on the classics. Cream pies never go out of style to Juggalons. Neither does seltzer water to the face, a dangerously placed banana or a shower of confetti.
Over the centuries, the Juggalons have embraced genetic alteration to help them achieve their ideal form. Pale skin, red lips and unusual feet sizes are the norm.
Just because they are clowns does not mean that they are not functioning members of their society. They have police, doctors, lawyers, farmers, and any profession that you can imagine. They even have criminals. The only difference is on Juggalon, all of these professionals also have a comedy routine. And probably something that explodes and makes a rude noise.
Lately though, some Juggalons have grown unhappy with their planet and have begun to explore the universe. People are seeing more clowns traveling on starships, visiting distant space stations and touring the space lanes. Some clowns have even resorted to space piracy with increasing numbers.
*Source for Clown Pirate picture can be found here*
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Marauding Duo Aftermath
Captain Grognard wiped the sweat from his brow. He was surrounded by Space Orcs. The objective was just past the hill but an Orc tank was right on the spot. It looked bleak.
“Make a move already,” Notwe said. The burly merchant couldn’t shut up for a moment. “You’re drekked no matter what you do.”
Grognard shook his head. Arris Station was a haven for pirates and smugglers but it was terrible for finding gamers to play against. Normally Grognard made due with what he could find but the repairs on the Reroll were going to take a while. He didn’t like the idea of playing Grimhammer 50K against rude bastards like Notwe for that long.
He touched a button on the holodisplay. A handful of unengaged Space Elves activated their jump packs and skipped over most of the Space Orc army. They landed on the tank and engaged in hand to hand.
Grognard and Newte were silent as the holographic models attacked each other. Numbers streamed on the side as combat calculations were being performed. Finally the tank exploded and the Space Elves stood victorious on the objective point.
“Space Elf victory!” the game announced.
“You lucky piece of drek!” Newte yelled.
Grognard stood up. “Thanks for the game,” he said. Then he pulled out a hand needler and shot Newte. The foul mouthed merchant fell to the ground, foaming at the mouth as a dozen toxins killed him.
“That’s for being a bad sport,” Grognard said.
His communicator beeped. It was Quartermistress Danica with the report from the ships they took.
***
Welcome to the Aftermath section of the latest pirate Patrol mission. There was one PEF left on the board before the pirates had to retreat but they did get a crapload of loot before then.
Firt though, we should check the Campaign Morale. We didn’t complete our Patrol Mission so we only roll 1d6 against the Campaign Morale of 4. I roll a 4 and get one success. The GP Ring rolls against their morale of 3, and get a 5 and a 6. Lucky break for me! My Campaign Morale stays where it is. I guess the pirates liked the loot they got.
Next we have possible Rep adjustments. First The Reroll. We had a Rep of 5, which went down to 4 after a bad boarding action but we roll against the original 5. I roll a 5 and my Rep stays where it is at 4. Oh well, some butt whoopings leave a mark.
The Slapstick rolls. They had a Rep of 4 and it stayed there. I roll a 4 so no change.
Even though I came up with rules for Contraband back in January, I didn’t get a chance to try them until now. Let’s see what I rolled.
Grand Freighter:
CB 1 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 2 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 3 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 5 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 6 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 7 – Rarities for CV of 25
CB 8 – Goods for CV of 15
CB 9 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 10 – Destroyed.
Total – 75
Tanker:
CB 1 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 2 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 3 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 5 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 6 – Goods for a CV of 12
CB 7 – Goods for a CV of 12
CB 8 – Goods for a CV of 12
Total – 56
Freighter:
CB 1 – Goods for CV of 9
CB 2- Contraband for CV of 30 Weapons, I made the controlled contraband roll for full value.
CB 3- Contraband for CV of 30. Slaves! Pirates free them for CV 0 but +1 die for recruitment roll.
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 3
CB 5 – Goods for CV of 9
CB 6 – destroyed
Total - 51
Runner:
CB 1 – Rarities for CV of 15
CB 2 – Contraband for CV of 30. Weapons, I only made one controlled looting success, for CV 15
CB 3 – Goods for CV of 9.
Total – 39
Grand Total = 221 CV
I am also using some ship salvage rules where you get 1 CV for every class of a ship that has been captured. The Freighter was destroyed, the Grand Freighter was allowed to leave with the crew but the other two remained for a total of 7 CV.
You know, single digit CV’s might not be worth tracking in the future. I may drop my ship salvage rules as unnecessary bookkeeping.
Anyhoo, the previous CV of the pirates’ haul was 76 so now we have a total of 297. We’ll spend 200 CV to roll on the Recruitment Table. Because we freed some slaves, I’ll roll 3d6 against the campaign morale of 4 and count success. I roll a 2,2 and 4. We get a recruit! Go me!
We roll and get a Class 4 Ravager with a Rep of 4. Nice. I’m going to need some time think about this new Captain.
***
Grognard looked at Newte’s twitchy body. It was the first time he killed someone for being a rude player and he was surprised at how good it felt. The only downside was that the few other gamers in Arris Station might decline to play against Grognard now.
He activated his communicator. “Jarella, didn’t you tell me that there was a civilized planet nearby?”
Jarella snorted. “I wouldn’t call New Hope civilized but yeah, it’s there.”
“Repairs are going to take a week,” Grognard said. “Get me a shuttle to New Hope. I need to find a gaming store.”
“Make a move already,” Notwe said. The burly merchant couldn’t shut up for a moment. “You’re drekked no matter what you do.”
Grognard shook his head. Arris Station was a haven for pirates and smugglers but it was terrible for finding gamers to play against. Normally Grognard made due with what he could find but the repairs on the Reroll were going to take a while. He didn’t like the idea of playing Grimhammer 50K against rude bastards like Notwe for that long.
He touched a button on the holodisplay. A handful of unengaged Space Elves activated their jump packs and skipped over most of the Space Orc army. They landed on the tank and engaged in hand to hand.
Grognard and Newte were silent as the holographic models attacked each other. Numbers streamed on the side as combat calculations were being performed. Finally the tank exploded and the Space Elves stood victorious on the objective point.
“Space Elf victory!” the game announced.
“You lucky piece of drek!” Newte yelled.
Grognard stood up. “Thanks for the game,” he said. Then he pulled out a hand needler and shot Newte. The foul mouthed merchant fell to the ground, foaming at the mouth as a dozen toxins killed him.
“That’s for being a bad sport,” Grognard said.
His communicator beeped. It was Quartermistress Danica with the report from the ships they took.
***
Welcome to the Aftermath section of the latest pirate Patrol mission. There was one PEF left on the board before the pirates had to retreat but they did get a crapload of loot before then.
Firt though, we should check the Campaign Morale. We didn’t complete our Patrol Mission so we only roll 1d6 against the Campaign Morale of 4. I roll a 4 and get one success. The GP Ring rolls against their morale of 3, and get a 5 and a 6. Lucky break for me! My Campaign Morale stays where it is. I guess the pirates liked the loot they got.
Next we have possible Rep adjustments. First The Reroll. We had a Rep of 5, which went down to 4 after a bad boarding action but we roll against the original 5. I roll a 5 and my Rep stays where it is at 4. Oh well, some butt whoopings leave a mark.
The Slapstick rolls. They had a Rep of 4 and it stayed there. I roll a 4 so no change.
Even though I came up with rules for Contraband back in January, I didn’t get a chance to try them until now. Let’s see what I rolled.
Grand Freighter:
CB 1 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 2 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 3 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 5 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 6 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 7 – Rarities for CV of 25
CB 8 – Goods for CV of 15
CB 9 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 10 – Destroyed.
Total – 75
Tanker:
CB 1 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 2 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 3 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 5 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 6 – Goods for a CV of 12
CB 7 – Goods for a CV of 12
CB 8 – Goods for a CV of 12
Total – 56
Freighter:
CB 1 – Goods for CV of 9
CB 2- Contraband for CV of 30 Weapons, I made the controlled contraband roll for full value.
CB 3- Contraband for CV of 30. Slaves! Pirates free them for CV 0 but +1 die for recruitment roll.
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 3
CB 5 – Goods for CV of 9
CB 6 – destroyed
Total - 51
Runner:
CB 1 – Rarities for CV of 15
CB 2 – Contraband for CV of 30. Weapons, I only made one controlled looting success, for CV 15
CB 3 – Goods for CV of 9.
Total – 39
Grand Total = 221 CV
I am also using some ship salvage rules where you get 1 CV for every class of a ship that has been captured. The Freighter was destroyed, the Grand Freighter was allowed to leave with the crew but the other two remained for a total of 7 CV.
You know, single digit CV’s might not be worth tracking in the future. I may drop my ship salvage rules as unnecessary bookkeeping.
Anyhoo, the previous CV of the pirates’ haul was 76 so now we have a total of 297. We’ll spend 200 CV to roll on the Recruitment Table. Because we freed some slaves, I’ll roll 3d6 against the campaign morale of 4 and count success. I roll a 2,2 and 4. We get a recruit! Go me!
We roll and get a Class 4 Ravager with a Rep of 4. Nice. I’m going to need some time think about this new Captain.
***
Grognard looked at Newte’s twitchy body. It was the first time he killed someone for being a rude player and he was surprised at how good it felt. The only downside was that the few other gamers in Arris Station might decline to play against Grognard now.
He activated his communicator. “Jarella, didn’t you tell me that there was a civilized planet nearby?”
Jarella snorted. “I wouldn’t call New Hope civilized but yeah, it’s there.”
“Repairs are going to take a week,” Grognard said. “Get me a shuttle to New Hope. I need to find a gaming store.”
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
The Maurading Duo Minus One Part Two
Grognard ate a pretzel as he walked down the corridors of The Slapstick. He avoided a banana, a tripwire connected to a perched bucket and a surprisingly deep puddle. After a week on board the clown pirates’ ship, he barely noticed the hazards.
His mind was on other things. He was getting a bit worried about his time spent here. He was noticing small changes in himself. He felt like his shoes were too small. He found himself flirting with pale clowns with big balloons. Yesterday he was smacked in the face with a fish and he had laughed.
Grognard prayed to the Lords of Space that he was not becoming a clown.
“Commodore to the bridge!” his communicator beeped.
Grognard rushed to the bridge. There were two unidentified contacts in the system around Wal-Targ 3 and the Slapstick was en route to the closest one. The sooner they identified and resolved these contacts, the sooner Grognard could get back to his own ship.
Captain Ticklepoke greeted him when he walked in. She had two large flowers on her bikini top. “Rear-Admiral, we have two yachts in sight.”
“Yachts?” Grognard said. “Sounds expensive.”
Captain Ticklepoke nodded. One of the flowers sprayed water onto his face. He stood there and took it until the minute long discharge was done.
“I’m not thirsty anymore!” he quipped. The clowns laughed.
He sat down at his chair. He caught himself smiling. It was worrisome.
The tactical screen shows the yacht’s designations. One was called Your Girlfriend and the other was called Booty-Wagon. The Slapstick had jumped in close and heading straight for them. These clowns knew their scanners.
Ticklepoke ordered the clowns to strike Your Girlfriend. The Slaptick’s single gun fired at a single point in the yacht’s shields in an attempt to weaken it and break through. The chances of it working were low but it was all they could. It was the only way they were going to crack the yacht’s shield.
Grognard laughed as Your Girlfriend’s shield flickered out. These clowns had a knack for beating the odds!
The yachts returned fire. They were concentrating their fire to crack The Slapstick’s shield. Grognard watched the tactical screen closely as the shield emitter report came in. The shield was holding but just barely.
“Wait, are they calling for help?” Grognard asked.
The clown on comms answered. “They are as quiet as a flippity mime!”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. They must be smugglers who don’t want any attention. That was fine with him.
The ships continued on their course towards each other with guns blazing. The Slapstick got within missile range and fired a missile at Earl and saved their guns for the unshielded Your Girlfriend.
Grognard watched as Earl almost evaded the missile but took a hit. According to scans, they took slight damage to the hull.
Meanwhile, The Slapstick’s gun missed Your Girlfriend completely. Apparently shields were easier to hit than ships.
“Earl is waving white socks!” a clown announced. It took Grognard a second to realize they this was clown-speak for surrendering.
“Send Dr. Nose and his bloopy crew over!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Tell them to head back to our rendezvous!”
Your Girlfriend had no intentions of giving up. The yacht slowed dramatically down in front of the Slapstick and opened fire at point blank range. The yacht’s guns overwhelmed the Slapstick’s last shield. They also fired a missile!
Grognard was nearly thrown from his seat as the helmsclown threw everything into an evasion maneuver. Thankfully, the missile missed!
The runner started to turn to flee. The Slapstick opened fire and missed. Grognard realized that all his battle simulation games never took into account how demoralizing it was to miss at such close range.
“After them!” Captain Ticklepoke said. The Slapstick adjusted course in pursuit. Both ships were equally fast so they should be able to keep up with the speedy yacht.
A barrage of shots came from the yacht. Grognard was painfully aware of their ship’s lack of shields. Thankfully, the clowns were good at dodging.
The clowns were also good at shooting. An explosion erupted from the top of the yacht. Grognard checked the tactical screen and let out a cheer. They had hit Your Girlfriend’s bridge! Not many ships can take a hit like that and keep going!
The Slapstick shook violently. Power went out and was replaced by emergency lights. Grognard slapped the blank tactical screen until it rebooted.
The Slapstick had taken a hit to the engines. Power was fluctuating. All the clowns on the bridge stopped giggling, which was the scariest thing Grognard had ever seen.
“Break off and run away like our pants are on fire!” Captain Ticklepoke said.
Grognard agreed. Your Girlfriend would get away today. The slapstick was done pirating until they got back to port.
He let out a sigh. Maybe it was for the best. If he stayed any longer on board this ship, he might get his nose replaced with a cyber red one.
The thought made him laugh.
His mind was on other things. He was getting a bit worried about his time spent here. He was noticing small changes in himself. He felt like his shoes were too small. He found himself flirting with pale clowns with big balloons. Yesterday he was smacked in the face with a fish and he had laughed.
Grognard prayed to the Lords of Space that he was not becoming a clown.
“Commodore to the bridge!” his communicator beeped.
Grognard rushed to the bridge. There were two unidentified contacts in the system around Wal-Targ 3 and the Slapstick was en route to the closest one. The sooner they identified and resolved these contacts, the sooner Grognard could get back to his own ship.
Captain Ticklepoke greeted him when he walked in. She had two large flowers on her bikini top. “Rear-Admiral, we have two yachts in sight.”
“Yachts?” Grognard said. “Sounds expensive.”
Captain Ticklepoke nodded. One of the flowers sprayed water onto his face. He stood there and took it until the minute long discharge was done.
“I’m not thirsty anymore!” he quipped. The clowns laughed.
He sat down at his chair. He caught himself smiling. It was worrisome.
The tactical screen shows the yacht’s designations. One was called Your Girlfriend and the other was called Booty-Wagon. The Slapstick had jumped in close and heading straight for them. These clowns knew their scanners.
Ticklepoke ordered the clowns to strike Your Girlfriend. The Slaptick’s single gun fired at a single point in the yacht’s shields in an attempt to weaken it and break through. The chances of it working were low but it was all they could. It was the only way they were going to crack the yacht’s shield.
Grognard laughed as Your Girlfriend’s shield flickered out. These clowns had a knack for beating the odds!
The yachts returned fire. They were concentrating their fire to crack The Slapstick’s shield. Grognard watched the tactical screen closely as the shield emitter report came in. The shield was holding but just barely.
“Wait, are they calling for help?” Grognard asked.
The clown on comms answered. “They are as quiet as a flippity mime!”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. They must be smugglers who don’t want any attention. That was fine with him.
The ships continued on their course towards each other with guns blazing. The Slapstick got within missile range and fired a missile at Earl and saved their guns for the unshielded Your Girlfriend.
Grognard watched as Earl almost evaded the missile but took a hit. According to scans, they took slight damage to the hull.
Meanwhile, The Slapstick’s gun missed Your Girlfriend completely. Apparently shields were easier to hit than ships.
“Earl is waving white socks!” a clown announced. It took Grognard a second to realize they this was clown-speak for surrendering.
“Send Dr. Nose and his bloopy crew over!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Tell them to head back to our rendezvous!”
Your Girlfriend had no intentions of giving up. The yacht slowed dramatically down in front of the Slapstick and opened fire at point blank range. The yacht’s guns overwhelmed the Slapstick’s last shield. They also fired a missile!
 |
| Image of the Battle provided by Spy Satellite Virgin-Sprint #970 |
Grognard was nearly thrown from his seat as the helmsclown threw everything into an evasion maneuver. Thankfully, the missile missed!
The runner started to turn to flee. The Slapstick opened fire and missed. Grognard realized that all his battle simulation games never took into account how demoralizing it was to miss at such close range.
“After them!” Captain Ticklepoke said. The Slapstick adjusted course in pursuit. Both ships were equally fast so they should be able to keep up with the speedy yacht.
A barrage of shots came from the yacht. Grognard was painfully aware of their ship’s lack of shields. Thankfully, the clowns were good at dodging.
The clowns were also good at shooting. An explosion erupted from the top of the yacht. Grognard checked the tactical screen and let out a cheer. They had hit Your Girlfriend’s bridge! Not many ships can take a hit like that and keep going!
The Slapstick shook violently. Power went out and was replaced by emergency lights. Grognard slapped the blank tactical screen until it rebooted.
The Slapstick had taken a hit to the engines. Power was fluctuating. All the clowns on the bridge stopped giggling, which was the scariest thing Grognard had ever seen.
“Break off and run away like our pants are on fire!” Captain Ticklepoke said.
Grognard agreed. Your Girlfriend would get away today. The slapstick was done pirating until they got back to port.
He let out a sigh. Maybe it was for the best. If he stayed any longer on board this ship, he might get his nose replaced with a cyber red one.
The thought made him laugh.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
The Marauding Duo Minus One Part One
The airlock opened and Captain Grognard stepped aboard The Slapstick. The smell of cotton candy was everywhere. A clown walked by and slipped on a banana. Grognard wasn’t surprised.
A small clown on a tricycle motioned at Grognard to follow him. Grognard followed the small clown through twisting corridor lined with odd mirrors. There were clowns everywhere. The Slapstick was half the size of The Reroll but it appeared to have twice as many crew members. Where did they all fit?
They entered the bridge. Clowns were busy manning consoles and honking each others’ noses. The large monitor was covered in various cream pie explosions. Carnival music played.
Captain Ticklepoke stood up from her chair. The pale clown had been braiding her orange frizzy hair with balloon animals. She looked at Grognard and snapped a salute that popped one of her balloon animals.
“Admiral! Please, sit in the chair we made for you!” she said.
The bridge clowns giggled and tried to keep straight faces.
It was obviously a trap but Grognard needed these clowns. He had transferred command to The Slapstick because there were two more unidentified contacts out there that might be laden with treasure. He might give them orders, but he needed them to want to obey him.
He went to the chair and sat down in it. An exaggerated long fart noise blasted through the bridge. The clowns all looked at him with faux shocked faces.
“Excuuuuuuuuse me,” Grognard said. He waved his hand to clear the imaginary fart.
The clowns burst out laughing. Captain Ticklepoke smiled at him with admiration. He had earned the clowns’ respect.
“Contact at six boobpity-poo!” the sensors clown said.
“What?” Grognard said. “Already?” They just had an engagement less than six hours ago. This sector of space was crowded today!
Ticklepoke went into action. “Arm laser thingys! Prepare the pie launchers! Secure the seltzer! Full speed ahead!”
The clowns went into action. Grognard watched in fascination. People tended to dismiss the weird worshipers of the clown cults, but they forget that even clowns have things to do. The Slapstick went into battle readiness in seconds.
Grognard looked at the tactical screen on his command chair. The ship had been identified as a simple Freighter. It was called The Delayed Quote. It wasn’t a big prize but it would be better than nothing.
To Grognard’s surprise, The Slapstick managed to jump very close to The Delayed Quote. These clowns were better with their scanners than his own pirates.
The freighter began to turn and The Slapstick zoomed into missile range. Grognard shook his head. He was going to order some sort of exchange program so his pirates could learn a thing or two from these clowns.
The Slapstick launched a missile. Grognard watched with glee as The Delayed Quote utterly failed to evade it. The glee turned to disbelief as he saw the missile vaporize a cargo bay.
Maybe there wasn’t as much to learn from clowns as he thought.
The Delayed Quote was running away. They fired their guns but they were too weak against The Slapstick’s shields.
The Slapstick fired another missile. Gorgnard held his breath as the missile smashed into the freighter. He let it out when he saw the freighter’s shields wink out of existence.
“Sheilds are down!” he yelled. “Fire all guns!”
The Slapstick responded. Sadly, they only had the one gun and Grognard sighed as it missed the slow moving freighter.
Yeah, aim was definitely a problem for these clowns.
“They are hollering for their momma!” a clown yelled.
Grognard interpreted that to mean that the freighter was calling for help. The pirates had jut come from a battle where the Star Navy sent two waves of help. He hoped that all available military forces had been exhausted.
The Slapstick kept firing. Miss after miss shot past the unshielded freighter. Grognard wondered if it was sort of a joke that he didn’t understand.
At least the missiles were hitting. Grognard watched as bits of the freighter’s hull were blasted off. The clowns had stopped hitting cargo bays but he knew that could change at any moment.
A shudder went through the ship. Grognard was bounced around so much that he reactivated the fart simulator.
“They blew our bleeping blooping shields!” a clown reported.
Lords of Space! The freaking merchants took one of their shields? Grognard swore to look into maybe hiring merchant gunners.
“Time to make them laugh!” Ticklepoke said. She looked defiant and angry which was hard to do with balloon animals in your hair. “Board them and take them!”
Grognard had a bad case of déjà vu. The last time he ordered a boarding, they got their booty kicked. What were these clowns going to do?
The Slapstick matched speeds with The Delayed Quote. Striped airlocks extended and latched on. The carnival music on the ship changed to something far more sinister yet weirdly upbeat.
“Send in the clowns!” Captain Ticklepoke cried.
Grognard wondered what it must look like for the poor freighter crew. They would see the airlocks burst open and hordes of clowns pour through. They would be killed by lethal shock buzzers, hilariously big pistols and buckets of confetti that was really nanonites that would tear their flesh apart. It would be horrifying.
Several long minutes passed.
“The freighter crew is dead!” a clown announced.
The clowns cheered. Several of them honked with glee. Grognard was stunned. The clowns had slaughtered everyone. These clowns were bad asses!
He was in for another surprise. Captain Ticklepoke jumped with joy and grabbed Grognard. She kissed him and he found himself kissing her back.
She tasted funny; like sugar and corn dogs.
“Empty the freighter and blow her up!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Party in the Center Ring tonight!”
The clowns cheered. Grognard cheered too. Ticklepoke winked at him and he felt his cheeks burn. He hoped that he survived this party.
A small clown on a tricycle motioned at Grognard to follow him. Grognard followed the small clown through twisting corridor lined with odd mirrors. There were clowns everywhere. The Slapstick was half the size of The Reroll but it appeared to have twice as many crew members. Where did they all fit?
They entered the bridge. Clowns were busy manning consoles and honking each others’ noses. The large monitor was covered in various cream pie explosions. Carnival music played.
Captain Ticklepoke stood up from her chair. The pale clown had been braiding her orange frizzy hair with balloon animals. She looked at Grognard and snapped a salute that popped one of her balloon animals.
“Admiral! Please, sit in the chair we made for you!” she said.
The bridge clowns giggled and tried to keep straight faces.
It was obviously a trap but Grognard needed these clowns. He had transferred command to The Slapstick because there were two more unidentified contacts out there that might be laden with treasure. He might give them orders, but he needed them to want to obey him.
He went to the chair and sat down in it. An exaggerated long fart noise blasted through the bridge. The clowns all looked at him with faux shocked faces.
“Excuuuuuuuuse me,” Grognard said. He waved his hand to clear the imaginary fart.
The clowns burst out laughing. Captain Ticklepoke smiled at him with admiration. He had earned the clowns’ respect.
“Contact at six boobpity-poo!” the sensors clown said.
“What?” Grognard said. “Already?” They just had an engagement less than six hours ago. This sector of space was crowded today!
Ticklepoke went into action. “Arm laser thingys! Prepare the pie launchers! Secure the seltzer! Full speed ahead!”
The clowns went into action. Grognard watched in fascination. People tended to dismiss the weird worshipers of the clown cults, but they forget that even clowns have things to do. The Slapstick went into battle readiness in seconds.
Grognard looked at the tactical screen on his command chair. The ship had been identified as a simple Freighter. It was called The Delayed Quote. It wasn’t a big prize but it would be better than nothing.
To Grognard’s surprise, The Slapstick managed to jump very close to The Delayed Quote. These clowns were better with their scanners than his own pirates.
The freighter began to turn and The Slapstick zoomed into missile range. Grognard shook his head. He was going to order some sort of exchange program so his pirates could learn a thing or two from these clowns.
The Slapstick launched a missile. Grognard watched with glee as The Delayed Quote utterly failed to evade it. The glee turned to disbelief as he saw the missile vaporize a cargo bay.
Maybe there wasn’t as much to learn from clowns as he thought.
The Delayed Quote was running away. They fired their guns but they were too weak against The Slapstick’s shields.
The Slapstick fired another missile. Gorgnard held his breath as the missile smashed into the freighter. He let it out when he saw the freighter’s shields wink out of existence.
“Sheilds are down!” he yelled. “Fire all guns!”
The Slapstick responded. Sadly, they only had the one gun and Grognard sighed as it missed the slow moving freighter.
Yeah, aim was definitely a problem for these clowns.
“They are hollering for their momma!” a clown yelled.
Grognard interpreted that to mean that the freighter was calling for help. The pirates had jut come from a battle where the Star Navy sent two waves of help. He hoped that all available military forces had been exhausted.
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| Battle images provided by VirginFox Satellite #312 |
The Slapstick kept firing. Miss after miss shot past the unshielded freighter. Grognard wondered if it was sort of a joke that he didn’t understand.
At least the missiles were hitting. Grognard watched as bits of the freighter’s hull were blasted off. The clowns had stopped hitting cargo bays but he knew that could change at any moment.
A shudder went through the ship. Grognard was bounced around so much that he reactivated the fart simulator.
“They blew our bleeping blooping shields!” a clown reported.
Lords of Space! The freaking merchants took one of their shields? Grognard swore to look into maybe hiring merchant gunners.
“Time to make them laugh!” Ticklepoke said. She looked defiant and angry which was hard to do with balloon animals in your hair. “Board them and take them!”
Grognard had a bad case of déjà vu. The last time he ordered a boarding, they got their booty kicked. What were these clowns going to do?
The Slapstick matched speeds with The Delayed Quote. Striped airlocks extended and latched on. The carnival music on the ship changed to something far more sinister yet weirdly upbeat.
“Send in the clowns!” Captain Ticklepoke cried.
Grognard wondered what it must look like for the poor freighter crew. They would see the airlocks burst open and hordes of clowns pour through. They would be killed by lethal shock buzzers, hilariously big pistols and buckets of confetti that was really nanonites that would tear their flesh apart. It would be horrifying.
Several long minutes passed.
“The freighter crew is dead!” a clown announced.
The clowns cheered. Several of them honked with glee. Grognard was stunned. The clowns had slaughtered everyone. These clowns were bad asses!
He was in for another surprise. Captain Ticklepoke jumped with joy and grabbed Grognard. She kissed him and he found himself kissing her back.
She tasted funny; like sugar and corn dogs.
“Empty the freighter and blow her up!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Party in the Center Ring tonight!”
The clowns cheered. Grognard cheered too. Ticklepoke winked at him and he felt his cheeks burn. He hoped that he survived this party.
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