The scream of a hundred electric guitars burned throughout the comm system of Omega Murder Comet. Drums thundered from the engineering department. The chimes of keyboards echoed from the cafeteria. The pirate ship was in the middle of a jump and the crew was singing their war song.
“I see you standing dead in space,” roared Randy Deathspasm, Captain and Lead Singer. “I see your ship, helpless for the kill. I aim with the skill of an ace, you die as I laugh my fill.”
Captain Grognard frowned. He didn’t think you could “laugh your fill” but he didn’t say anything. His own ship, The Reroll, was being repaired and he had transferred command to the Omega Murder Comet. It wasn’t his place to interrupt their music.
Plus, he had a solo coming up and he didn’t want to mess up his part. He was playing a recorder, something he hadn’t played since he was a kid but when Captain Deathspasm offered him a musical part in the song, Grognard couldn’t turn it down. This was his chance to rock out like a rock star with an electric recorder just like he used to dream when he was a teenager.
Not to mention, one of the Omega Murder Comet groupies with a blue Mohawk kept giving him the eye while licking her lips. She had black makeup and a piercing that took up most of her nose. She reminded him of the girls he used to lust after back in school. Grognard hoped to fulfill two of his teenage fantasies today.
Of course, that was IF they survived today’s fight. Today they weren’t raiding merchants or attempting a prison break. No, today was strictly personal. Captain Arachnos had insulted Grognard and his fleet at a public bar in front of half the scum of the galaxy. The only thing Grognard could do to save their reputation was challenge Arachnos to a fight.
So here they were at the Aeon Nebula, ready to fight pirates until one of them fled the area. There would be no loot to sell. There would be no treasure to steal. This was all about kicking the ass of a jerk and making the rest of the sector think twice about crossing Grognard’s path.
“Coming out of jump and entering real space!” the helm announced. The song abruptly shifted to an instrumental as the backup band took over. Everyone put down their instruments and even the Mohawk groupie went back to work scrubbing the floors.
“Slapstick is right behind us,” sensors reported.
Captain Deathspasm nodded. “What of our enemies? Did they have the courage to appear?”
“Ghost Widow has been spotted!” sensors reported. “They are dead ahead at thirty-six kliks! Also another class 4 ships, the Black Scorpion.”
Grognard groaned. Captain Arachnos had two class four ships to Gorgnard’s class four and a class three. The hated Arachnos had brought the big guns for this one.
“Tell Captain Ticklepoke to assume a wing position behind us,” Grognard commanded. “Tell her to focus fire on the Ghost Widow. I want to-“
“Incoming fire! Brace for impact!” the tactical officer, Lita Fire said.
“Already?” Grognard said. He checked his screen and saw a barrage of gunfire headed their way. The enemy was focusing fire to try to overwhelm the Omega Murder Comet’s shields.
“They run a tight fleet,” Grognard said. “Veer to port forty-five degrees and return fire!”
The Omega Murder Comet and the slapstick returned fire. Grognard saw all of their attacks concentrate on one point of the Ghost Widow’s shields. It would take a while to wear down even one shield but it could be done.
“Ghost Widow lost a shield!” Officer Fire reported!
“Ha!” Captain Deathspasm said. “We don’t drok around!”
Grognard smiled. That was a lucky break. He kept an eye on his personal screen as the two fleets converged. Omega Murder Comet was in the front and absorbing attacks from Arachnos’ fleet. Grognard’s forces were turning sharply to port and Arachnos had to keep turning to keep Grognard in sight. Once they were both in missile range, the real fight would begin.
A shield collapsed on Omega Murder Comet from the hail of fire. Almost immediately, Arachnos achieved missile lock first. A storm of missiles headed their way. The Omega Murder Comet tried to dodge but two of the missiles slammed into the Omega Murder Comet’s hull.
“Report!” Captain Deathspasm demanded.
“Damage to decks six and seven, airlocks engaged!” someone reported back.
Grognard opened a private channel to The Slapstick. Captain Ticklepoke’s frizzy orange hair and white face appeared before him.
“Howdy-ho, Captain!” Ticklepoke said.
“Ticklepoke, I need you to get behind the Ghost Widow. Use all your speed!” Grognard ordered.
“Awesome-peasy!” Ticklepoke said. She saluted and stabbed herself in the eye in a comic manner.
“Lords of Space, my plan relies on a clown,” Grognard said.
The Slapstick speed ahead with its faster engines. The Omega Murder Comet kept turning but slowed down as it returned fire on the Ghost Widow. They inflicted no noticeable damage.
The Ghost Widow and Black Scorpion had better luck. Their guns and missiles came fast and heavy. The ship shook as the hull took more damage. Another shield collapsed and Grognard felt this entire attack might be doomed.
Grognard looked at Deathspasm and the Captain bellowed more orders to his crew. Grognard surveyed the bridge crew and none of them looked shaken in the least. The ship was being blasted bit by bit but these rockers weren’t flinching.
The Mohawk groupie girl gave Grognard a thumbs up as the ship shook from another hit.
“Madness,” Grognard whispered but it was a kind of madness he was grateful for.
“Slapstick is behind the enemy!” Office Fire reported. “Launching attack on Black Scorpion!”
Grognard had a sudden flash of fear. The Slapstick was a Marauder Class, the Black Scorpion a Ravager. It would take a miracle to get through the Black Scorpion’s defenses.
“Slapstick missile hit Scorpion’s missile bay!” Officer Fire yelled.
“Lords of Space,” Grognard whispered. Luck was on their side.
He watched as the Black Scorpion changed course to engage the Slapstick. Ghost Widow stuck to Omega Murder Comet’s tail which was fine because the Slapstick stayed on the Ghost Widow.
Damage reports scrolled across Grognard’s screen. Omega Murder Comet took another hit to the hull. Slapstick lost a shield. Ghost Widow lost some of their guns to a shot that slipped past the shield. Omega Murder Comet lost more of its rapidly disintegrating hull. Ghost Widow lost another shield to missile fire. It was insane. The Ghost Widow should have destroyed those missiles easily with their AAR guns but the random flight patterns of the clowns’ missiles were slipping past.
“Start slowing down,” Grognard ordered. He wanted to throw off the Black Scorpion’s turning intercept.
“We hit their engines!” someone yelled. Grognard looked at the tactical screen and saw plasma leaking from the Ghost Widow. He allowed himself a laugh.
Even with a damaged engine, the Ghost Widow was still going fast. It zipped past Omega Murder Comet, coming within their missile arc.
“Fire!” Captain Deathspasm yelled and it reverberated all through the ship.
The missiles were taken down by the Ghost Widow’s AAR but Omega Murder Comet and The Slapstick unloaded with their guns on the unshielded ship. Explosions rippled across the hull of the Ghost Widow from multiple collisions.
“Their guns are disabled!” Officer Fire reported. “They have no shields, missiles or guns!”
Grognard let out a laugh. It was unreal. Pure concentrated fire had done the impossible. They had disarmed the enemy through pure stubbornness!
The Ghost Widow shimmered as it activated jump drives. When it leaped out of real space, the bridge crew cheered.
“Drok yeah!” Captain Deathspasm said
“In your face!” Captain Grognard screamed at the vanishing Captain Arachnos.
Mohawk groupie girl jumped in Captain Grognard’s arms. She kissed him with multiple tongue piercings.
“Black Scorpion coming within range!” sensors yelled.
“Oh yeah,” Grognard said as he gently pushed Mohawk Groupie away. “We still got a nearly untouched Ravager to deal with.”
“Black Scorpion is attacking the Slapstick!” sensors reported.
“Come to a dead stop and turn us around!” Captain Deathspasm ordered.
The Omega Murder Comet dropped to zero velocity. Spinning like a turret, the ship swung around to face the incoming Black Scorpion.
“Come on Ticklepoke, get away from there,” Grognard whispered.
The Slapstick poured on speed to elude the Black Scorpion. The one shield wasn’t enough to stop the rain of gunfire headed its way. The Slapstick shook as an explosion ripped a huge part of the hull away.
“Drok,” Grognard whispered. He watched in horror as the Black Scorpion launched missiles. The Slapstick was barely intact as it tried to dodge. Both missiles made contact and turned The Slapstick into a flaming ball of wreckage.
Silence fell upon the bridge of the Omega Murder Comet. Captain Ticklepoke and her clown crew were dead. The crazy weirdoes were freaky but they were their crazy weirdoes. A low growl hummed through the bridge.
“Vengeance for our pale brothers and sisters!” Captain Deathspasm yelled. “Kill them!”
Omega Murder Comet fired long range guns. The Black Scorpion began a long turn around the stationary Omega Murder Comet. They exchanged fire at long range as they felt each other out.
A shield collapsed on the Omega Murder Comet. Grognard swore and shouted instructions to the weapons officers.
A shield collapsed on the Black Scorpion as concentrated fire overwhelmed a shield.
“Forward!” Deathspasm yelled as the Black Scorpion came within ninety degrees of the pirates. Omega Murder Comet surged forward on damaged engines and kept firing.
Grognard let out a ragged breath. This is what space combat boiled down to: giant hunks of metal firing at each other over great distances. It was a test of nerves. The problem was that the Omega Murder Comet was already greatly damaged. If he was smart, he would have ordered the retreat right now and let Arachnos have his bragging rights. It would be the safer thing to do.
But that was before they killed The Slapstick. Now it was personal.
The two ships closed in on each other. They launch missiles at each other. The Black Scorpion lost a shield and some of their AAR guns. The Omega Murder Comet lost more hull.
The two ships passed each other and both began their swing around. Grognard kept staring at the damage report and wonders how the hull was staying together.
The ship shook and Grognard nearly fell out of his chair. “Engines have been hit!” someone yelled.
Captain Deathspasm glanced at Grognard before yelling orders to fight. Engine hits were serious. If they were going to give up the fight, it should be now.
Grognard said nothing. The Black Scorpion was wounded. The Slapstick must be avenged. He wasn’t giving up now.
Another hail of gunfire and the Black Scorpion lost their last shield. The crew of the Omega Murder Comet redoubled their efforts. They smelled blood and they wanted more.
Gunfire smashed into the hull of the Black Scorpion. It was still firing back but most of the shots missed. Grognard wondered if their inaccuracy was down to casualties or just plain understanding of how weak their position was.
The Black Scorpion glowed before vanishing into jump space.
“YES!” Grognard screamed. This was unbelievable! They were outclassed but they are the last ships in the Aeon Nebula. They shouldn’t have won but they did!
Captain Deathspasm grabbed Grognard’s hand and raised it in the air as if they had won an arena match.
“Nobody droks with us!” Captain Deathspasm said. “We’re going to write a rock opera for this battle, complete with a dirge for the Slapstick!”
Grognard nodded in agreement. The Mohawk groupie found her way into his arms again and kissed him. Grognard couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate
Showing posts with label AAR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AAR. Show all posts
Friday, August 29, 2014
Friday, July 25, 2014
Attack on Punishment Center Blue!
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| Image of Pirate Fleet provided by Spy satellite Virgin-Sprint #801 |
“Preparing to cut jump drives,” Johnson on helm announced.
Grognard leaned back in his command chair. The only thing this plan had going for it was sheer audacity. People just don’t attack Maximum Security Prisons. He was hoping the stupid bravery of the act would be enough to rescue the wealthy incarcerated man they had been sent to rescue. Four hundred MegaCreds bought a lot of bravery.
Still, his eyes drifted down to the ‘1’ he rolled.
“Entering real space!” Johnson cried.
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| Punishment Center Blue image provided by Wal-Targ-3 Security Satellite |
Punishment Center Blue appeared on the monitor. It was huge. The folly of attacking it was obvious. They should run now while they could.
“All ships are accounted for,” Isis reported on sensors.
“Attack!” Grognard commanded.
The Reroll surged forward. Omega Murder Comet took a position slightly back and to starboard. The smaller Slapstick took their position to Omega Murder Comet’s starboard while the equally small Recursive Function took their place to The Reroll’s port.
Grognard took a deep breath. The Reroll was the front point of the formation to absorb as much fire as it could from the prison. He prayed to the Gods of Dice and Wargames that they could survive the pounding.
“Open fire!” he commanded. They were at long range but you never knew, they might get lucky.
He watched as the pirate fleet sent a barrage of concentrated lasers and plasma towards the prison. Barely half of the shots reached the prison and those that did hammered what was considered a weak point of shields. He had hoped the focused volley could cause a shield failure. Instead, the shields easily held.
“Return fire incoming!”
Grognard gasped at the multitude of lasers headed their way. He knew the prison was well armed but he didn’t quite grasp just how well armed until now. Fortunately they were still at long range and most of the shots were easy to evade. They wouldn’t have that luxury for much longer.
“They are calling for help,” Isis reported.
“Of course they are, keep firing!” Grognard yelled. They were within optimal targeting range; the fleet’s combined fire might crack the prison’s shields this time.
The prison’s shields held. The pirate fleet managed to hit it more times than last but they still couldn’t crack those shields.
Grognard watched another storm of lasers come from the prison. He watched with dismay as they rained onto The Reroll’s shields.
***
Captain Randy Deathspasm stood on the bridge of Omega Murder Comet. He screaming a long piercing yell into his microphone club as the prison fired upon him. Over the ship communication system, a hundred electric guitars howled their support.
“The Reroll has been hit!” 1st Bass/Tactical officer Lita Fire reported. “Their missile bays have been destroyed!”
“Do they want us to take lead position?” Deathspasm asked. The return fire from the prison had been brutal. He couldn’t wait to risk body and soul.
“Negative!” reported 2nd Guitar/Sensors officer Tokie Slaughter. “They say to hold position.
Deathspasm grinned in appreciation. “I knew Grognard was the right man to follow. That man is metal.”
***
Captain Ticklepoke threw a pie at the back of the head of the helmsman. The bridge crew laughed as he struggled keep their ship flying straight and now kill them all by the crashing into Omega Murder Comet.
Ticklepoke smiled. It was good to keep crew morale up and clowns loved a pie hit. Too bad they couldn’t get a blasted hit through the prison’s shields.
“The Reroll is dropping back and the Omega Murder Comet is taking lead!” Candy Carl reported on sensors.
“Better the Comet than us,” Ticklepoke said. The Slapstick was supposed to take lead next if the Comet got damaged. The thought of the Class Three Marauder absorbing fire from the massive prison was such a ridiculous idea that Ticklepoke was impressed. Grognard did have a sense of humor.
She watched the monitor as the pirate fleet continued to concentrate on a single point in the shields. To her complete surprise, one of the prison shields collapsed!
“Only three more to destroy!” Ticklepoke said sarcastically. Her crew laughed at the futility of their certain death.
***
Captain Atheta-3 watched the monitor with one cybernetic eye. Her other eye read calculations and battle predictions from every crewmember of the Recursive Function. Everyone was in agreement, this was not going well.
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| Exclusive Image from the attempted prison break provided by Spy Satellite Virgin-Sprint #801 |
Atheta-3 felt a strange emotion she didn’t recognize at first. Oh yes, it was fear. How interesting. She relished the long forgotten emotion for the novelty that it was.
“Reroll has ordered missile launch,” Alpni-89 reported.
“Launch missile,” Atheta-3 confirmed.
She watched sensor reports tick in. Punishment Center Blue had an impressive anti-missile array. Missile after missile homed in on the stationry prison only to be shot down. One missile from Omega Murder Comet made it through to cause superficial structural damage to the prison’s hull.
The crew's collective conscious reached a decision. Boarding was their only hope for mission success. This was Grognard’s assessment as well which was why the plan involved a risky dash to the prison. Atheta-3 made a note on the accuracy of Grognard’s assessment. He was the right choice for fleet leader.
Omega Murder Comet absorbed the bulk of the prison’s return fire. A wing of the pirate ship exploded. Hull damage estimates were made and conclusions were that it was a non-fatal blow.
“Wal-Targ reinforcements have arrived!” reported Delted-21. Classification: Frigate, identification: Synergy. Classification: Destroyer, identification: Monetize. Classification: Destroyer, identification: Assests.”
Atheta-3 ran a risk evaluation. Three ships versus the fleet was a minimal risk. Three ships with the support of the prison was a high risk. Survivability was only 3 percent.
She wondered what conclusion the technologically handicapped Grognard would come to. She prepared mutiny protocols if he gave an unsound command.
“Reroll has ordered the retreat!” Alpni-89 reported.
“Activate jump drives to rendezvous point,” Atheta-3 commanded.
Mission was a failure. Survival was secured. Atheta-3 added these facts to the collective’s debate on the continuation of maintaining this relationship with their pirate partners.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Crypt Ship Aftermath
Quarter Mistress Danica was unusually calm. She was in charge of transforming the pirates’ largest haul ever into nice hard currency. The Tricon in front of her always tried to run a hard deal but Danica wasn’t worried this time. In fact, she was looking forward to his usual complaints.
That was because she had asked Captain Grognard if she could borrow Skippy. The seven foot tall hulking menace towered behind her. His chiseled body bursting with steroid enhancements would be enough to intimidate people but the black executioner’s hood that he wore really finished the look. He was a killing machine just waiting for permission to work his bloody magic and sometimes he didn’t even wait for that.
Unusually, all three heads of the Tricon were awake. The Crypt Ship that the pirates had brought in was a rare find. Everything on board that ship, from the precious metal air ducts to the gem encrusted door handles, was a work of art. It was a traveling treasure vault and except for a few holes from a missile and some laser fire, it was mostly intact. The heads were arguing among themselves as they consulted an expansive list of the ship’s inventory.
The heads stopped talking. The center head looked smug. The right head looked irritated. The one on the left looked exhausted.
“We can offer you 150 MegaCreds,” the head on the left said.
Danica should have been outraged. She just smiled and shook her head.
Skippy growled. He stepped forward, his hands clenching and unclenching.
“Told you,” the head on the right said.
“Hold on!” the head on the left said. “That is a fair price! We’ll have to take this ship apart and sell it piece by piece. That is a lot of man hours and that eats into our overhead!”
Danica said nothing. Skippy took that as permission to take another step towards the Tricon.
“Okay, 200 MegaCreds!” the head on the left said.
“And you’re lucky to get that!” the head in the center said.
Danica’s smile turned into a laugh. “Now you guys are just being greedy. We brought you a fine ship and all we are asking for is a fair price.”
Skippy reached into his pockets and pulled out black gloves. The spikes on the gloves sparkled in the station light.
“225 MegaCreds!” the head on the left said.
“You can’t kill us, we’re the best dealers in the sector for your kind!” the head in the center said. “You kill us and you won’t be able to sell your goods!”
“I don’t mind going to another sector,” Danica said. “If I can’t get a good price for the haul of the century, I don’t need to do business here. Skippy, kill the center head last.”
“275 MegaCreds,” the head on the right said. The head in the center was about to say something but the head on the left glared at him.
“275 MegaCreds AND that Xoeg necklace I saw in your jewelry bay,” Danica said.
“Deal,” all three heads said.
Skippy sighed and took off his gloves.
***
The pirates rack up an amazing 276 points of CV. They will probably never see that much money for quite a while.
The pirates made their Campaign Morale roll and it stays at 4. The Reroll and Omega Murder Comet fail to raise their Reps but Reps of 4 is nothing to dismiss. They are still bad asses.
At 393 CV, they get to spend 200 of it for a roll on the recruitment table. They get a Class 3 Marauder with a Rep 3. Wow, we are up to four ships in the fleet.
***
Captain Grognard’s communicator alarm went off. He took one last look at the board and moved a piece. “Checkdeath,” he said.
“Drok,” his opponent said. She was also the board. She knocked her Commander piece over and it fell down her naked breast. “I guess this one was free.”
“Later, I have an appointment,” Grognard said. He kissed the prostitute goodbye and left her some money.
“I said it was free.”
“I know, the money is for the good game,” Grognard said. Good players should always be appreciated.
Grognard headed out of her compartment and made his way through the station. He had posted a notice on Arris Station’s SpaceBook asking for all interested Pirate Captains to meet him on the Level Three Observation Deck to be interviewed for the honor of joining his pirate fleet.
He expected a lot of applicants. News of the Crypt Ship’s capture had spread quickly through the station. The ease of the capture spread even quicker. Pirates liked money but they loved easy money more.
He reached the doors to the Observation Deck. The smell of fried flesh and burnt blood was in the air. Grognard pulled out a laser pistol and his energy sword. He debated calling for reinforcements from his crew but decided against it. He just won a game of Galactic Chess on a prostitute’s naked chest. Grognard was feeling cocky.
The doors opened and a dozen bodies littered the floor. A blood splatter covered a large portion of the glass wall. One body was struggling to get up but the only standing body walked over and put another laser shot through their head.
Grognard took a good look at the standing person. It might have been a female but it was hard to tell with all the cyber enhancements on her. What he thought was a pistol was actually the woman’s robotic hand. Her bionic eyes zoomed on him and he raised his weapons. He was surprised when she put her weapons down.
“I read your offer for new pirate ships,” the woman said. “Inferior alternatives also read your offer. I assisted in narrowing your options.”
Grognard laughed. “That you did. What’s your name?”
“Atheta-3,” the cyborg said. “I command The Recursive Function.”
“I like your initiative,” Grognard said. “Consider yourself hired. Welcome to my fleet.”
“I will upload our communication protocols to your ship immediately,” Atheta-3 said. “I look forward to assisting in the procurement of material goods.”
“Cool,” Grognard said. “Hey, do you play war games?”
“My brain matter has recently acquired the 6th edition rules for Grimhammer 50K as well as the latest version of Hishen Wars.”
“You are my new favorite pirate,” Grognard said.
That was because she had asked Captain Grognard if she could borrow Skippy. The seven foot tall hulking menace towered behind her. His chiseled body bursting with steroid enhancements would be enough to intimidate people but the black executioner’s hood that he wore really finished the look. He was a killing machine just waiting for permission to work his bloody magic and sometimes he didn’t even wait for that.
Unusually, all three heads of the Tricon were awake. The Crypt Ship that the pirates had brought in was a rare find. Everything on board that ship, from the precious metal air ducts to the gem encrusted door handles, was a work of art. It was a traveling treasure vault and except for a few holes from a missile and some laser fire, it was mostly intact. The heads were arguing among themselves as they consulted an expansive list of the ship’s inventory.
The heads stopped talking. The center head looked smug. The right head looked irritated. The one on the left looked exhausted.
“We can offer you 150 MegaCreds,” the head on the left said.
Danica should have been outraged. She just smiled and shook her head.
Skippy growled. He stepped forward, his hands clenching and unclenching.
“Told you,” the head on the right said.
“Hold on!” the head on the left said. “That is a fair price! We’ll have to take this ship apart and sell it piece by piece. That is a lot of man hours and that eats into our overhead!”
Danica said nothing. Skippy took that as permission to take another step towards the Tricon.
“Okay, 200 MegaCreds!” the head on the left said.
“And you’re lucky to get that!” the head in the center said.
Danica’s smile turned into a laugh. “Now you guys are just being greedy. We brought you a fine ship and all we are asking for is a fair price.”
Skippy reached into his pockets and pulled out black gloves. The spikes on the gloves sparkled in the station light.
“225 MegaCreds!” the head on the left said.
“You can’t kill us, we’re the best dealers in the sector for your kind!” the head in the center said. “You kill us and you won’t be able to sell your goods!”
“I don’t mind going to another sector,” Danica said. “If I can’t get a good price for the haul of the century, I don’t need to do business here. Skippy, kill the center head last.”
“275 MegaCreds,” the head on the right said. The head in the center was about to say something but the head on the left glared at him.
“275 MegaCreds AND that Xoeg necklace I saw in your jewelry bay,” Danica said.
“Deal,” all three heads said.
Skippy sighed and took off his gloves.
***
The pirates rack up an amazing 276 points of CV. They will probably never see that much money for quite a while.
The pirates made their Campaign Morale roll and it stays at 4. The Reroll and Omega Murder Comet fail to raise their Reps but Reps of 4 is nothing to dismiss. They are still bad asses.
At 393 CV, they get to spend 200 of it for a roll on the recruitment table. They get a Class 3 Marauder with a Rep 3. Wow, we are up to four ships in the fleet.
***
Captain Grognard’s communicator alarm went off. He took one last look at the board and moved a piece. “Checkdeath,” he said.
“Drok,” his opponent said. She was also the board. She knocked her Commander piece over and it fell down her naked breast. “I guess this one was free.”
“Later, I have an appointment,” Grognard said. He kissed the prostitute goodbye and left her some money.
“I said it was free.”
“I know, the money is for the good game,” Grognard said. Good players should always be appreciated.
Grognard headed out of her compartment and made his way through the station. He had posted a notice on Arris Station’s SpaceBook asking for all interested Pirate Captains to meet him on the Level Three Observation Deck to be interviewed for the honor of joining his pirate fleet.
He expected a lot of applicants. News of the Crypt Ship’s capture had spread quickly through the station. The ease of the capture spread even quicker. Pirates liked money but they loved easy money more.
He reached the doors to the Observation Deck. The smell of fried flesh and burnt blood was in the air. Grognard pulled out a laser pistol and his energy sword. He debated calling for reinforcements from his crew but decided against it. He just won a game of Galactic Chess on a prostitute’s naked chest. Grognard was feeling cocky.
The doors opened and a dozen bodies littered the floor. A blood splatter covered a large portion of the glass wall. One body was struggling to get up but the only standing body walked over and put another laser shot through their head.
Grognard took a good look at the standing person. It might have been a female but it was hard to tell with all the cyber enhancements on her. What he thought was a pistol was actually the woman’s robotic hand. Her bionic eyes zoomed on him and he raised his weapons. He was surprised when she put her weapons down.
“I read your offer for new pirate ships,” the woman said. “Inferior alternatives also read your offer. I assisted in narrowing your options.”
Grognard laughed. “That you did. What’s your name?”
“Atheta-3,” the cyborg said. “I command The Recursive Function.”
“I like your initiative,” Grognard said. “Consider yourself hired. Welcome to my fleet.”
“I will upload our communication protocols to your ship immediately,” Atheta-3 said. “I look forward to assisting in the procurement of material goods.”
“Cool,” Grognard said. “Hey, do you play war games?”
“My brain matter has recently acquired the 6th edition rules for Grimhammer 50K as well as the latest version of Hishen Wars.”
“You are my new favorite pirate,” Grognard said.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Capture of The Long Sleep!
“Go, into the vacuum.
Go there, die there.
We reject your right to air.
We enjoy your dying stare.”
Captain Grognard found himself singing along to the transmission from Omega Murder Comet. The pirates wrote and performed their own music and it was quite catchy. Grognard had never heard a hundred electric guitars before and it was invigorating. For some reason, Grognard had an urge to wear more black t-shirts.
“Crypt Ship has been located!” announced Isis on sensors. “It identifies as The Long Sleep.”
Grognard muted the music. “What kind of escorts do they have?”
“A single Blackwater Frigate,” Isis reported. “It identifies as the Hasan.”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. “Blackwater is one of the more ruthless mercenary companies. Those guys would kill their grandmother and charge their parents for the bullets. Just one, you said?”
“Aye,” Isis said.
Grognard pushed a button. The sweating hulking form of Captain Deathspasm appeared on his personal viewer. Grognard waited until Deathspasm was done howling the end of the song.
“Deathspasm, we found the Crypt Ship. Let’s go knock out their bodyguard.”
Deathspasm nodded and lifted his battle-microphone.
“Into battle, RIDE!”
***
Today’s AAR involves playtesting one of my adventures for Star navy. The scenario is Crypt Ship. It has a rather limited ship loaded with treasure traveling in a straight line protected by escorts. My pirate force consists of 2 Class 4 Ravagers. The main thing to note is that the Crypt Ship is so valuable that any time it takes damage, it loses some of its 300 Cargo Value.
First thing I did was roll up the escorts. A low roll got me the result of “Two Less Than Player Force”. This meant the poor Crypt Ship only got a single escort.
Another roll determined that the lone escort was a mere Class 3 Free Company Frigate. On the up side, it has a Rep 5. I am sure the crew is very plucky.
Initial long range scans were sad for everyone. Starting distance was 36 inches and head on.
***
“The Hasan has left formation and is headed for us. The Hasan and The Long Sleep are concentrating their fire on us.”
Captain Grognard caught himself humming the guitar solo of “Go into the Vacuum. “Open fire on The Hasan. Tell the Omega Murder Comet to do the same. Man, that is a mouthful. Let’s just call them Omega.”
***
Concentrated fire from the Crypt Ship and Frigate was sad. A combined 2 guns against 3 shields is a long shot. As long as a shot that it is, it still has a miniscule chance of taking down a shield which at least makes every roll important. They failed but hey, they had a chance.
Funny enough, the Pirate ships had to combine fire to get through the Frigate’s shields and they stood a much better chance. They failed, but they had a chance.
Next turn, the frigate got closer, tried concentrated fire and failed. The pirates then got closer, and were within missile range. The Reroll fired two missiles, both of which hit. One missile destroyed the Frigate’s shields and the other missile hit the sheilds that no longer existed.
The Reroll then let loose with their guns. One gun hits the Frigate’s engine and the other chipped away at the Hull.
The Frigate fails their received damage test and loses a point of Rep. The crew is no longer as plucky! The Frigate then fails their engine damage test and decide that they are done with this lopsided battle.
***
Grognard watched the explosions ripple across The Hasan. The shield flickered off and something important looking was now drifting behind the ship. The frigate wobbled and seemed to veer to port uncontrollably. Seconds later, The Hasan vanished as it activated their jump drives.
The bridge crew cheered. Grognard allowed himself a smile. Nothing left now put to capture that golden prize headed right for them.”
***
Already the Crypt Ship is alone. With one gun and one shield, it is hardly a threat. The real challenge is that any damage it takes reduces the value of the ship. It is a Class 4 Tanker so boarding it is not a guarantee that the Class Four Ravagers would automatically win. I decide to fire a few shots and see if maybe I can get lucky with a bridge or engine hit.
****
“Gunner, soften up The Long Sleep and encourage them to take a nap,” Grognard ordered.
The gunner stared back at him, trying to work out Grognard’s tortured metaphor. He gave up and activated the missiles.
Grognard watched with satisfaction as the missiles closed in on the slow moving Crypt Ship. He chuckled as the awkward ship failed to evade. He laughed as plasma exploded within the Crypt Ship.
His laugh died as he saw thousands of glittering precious items get sucked into the vacuum of space from a hole in the ship.
“Uh, we hit one of the cargo bays,” someone reported.
***
Sigh. First missile launch and I take out a cargo bay. There goes 30 CV right there.
The guns fire and I manage to get a hit on the Crypt Ship’s guns. That reduces their own weapon to zero and the CV to 269. I decide that maybe it is time to stop damaging the really valuable ship.
***
“Captain Deathspasm? How would you like to be the first to board the Crypt Ship and claim our prize?” Grognard did his best to make it sound as awesome as possible.
It wasn’t necessary. Captain Deathspasm screamed so loud that his Mohawk shook. “It would be an honor! I will lead the charge myself!”
“Good for you!” Grognard replied. He knew how nasty boarding actions were. Better the new guys than his crew.
***
The Crypt Ship moves forward two inches every turn. That is it. It isn’t allowed to maneuver. It is a slow moving duck that just requires the pirates to match speed and direction in order to board.
Of course, this takes me close to eight turns to pull off. Coming to a full stop, pivoting 180 degrees and then catching up took me way too long. I am starting to believe that shooting and taking damage is important but man, not as nearly as getting your ships to go where they need to go. I feel like I need flight lessons.
Omega Murder Comet has the ‘honor’ of attempting the first boarding. What is the point of being the commander of a pirate fleet if you can’t make others take the risks?
The pirates had no troubles. They rolled 6 success to the Crypt Ship’s 2 and took command of the ship. Sadly for the crew of the Crypt Ship, they completely botch their surrender roll and their corpses were added to the debris littering this sector of space.
***
Captain Grognard slowly walked the halls of The Long Sleep. The smell of ritual incense was thick in the air which was good because it covered the smell of blood and laser fire. He stopped to admire a ventilation screen that looked to be made of polished silver.
“Captain! I found a toilet seat made of pure platinum! Can I keep it?”
Grognard shook his head at the excited crewman. “Sorry, Alez. We’re taking the whole ship to a dealer. There will be no golden thrones for you but you’ll have enough credits to wipe your butt with them if you want.”
Pirate life was getting better every day.
Go there, die there.
We reject your right to air.
We enjoy your dying stare.”
Captain Grognard found himself singing along to the transmission from Omega Murder Comet. The pirates wrote and performed their own music and it was quite catchy. Grognard had never heard a hundred electric guitars before and it was invigorating. For some reason, Grognard had an urge to wear more black t-shirts.
“Crypt Ship has been located!” announced Isis on sensors. “It identifies as The Long Sleep.”
Grognard muted the music. “What kind of escorts do they have?”
“A single Blackwater Frigate,” Isis reported. “It identifies as the Hasan.”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. “Blackwater is one of the more ruthless mercenary companies. Those guys would kill their grandmother and charge their parents for the bullets. Just one, you said?”
“Aye,” Isis said.
Grognard pushed a button. The sweating hulking form of Captain Deathspasm appeared on his personal viewer. Grognard waited until Deathspasm was done howling the end of the song.
“Deathspasm, we found the Crypt Ship. Let’s go knock out their bodyguard.”
Deathspasm nodded and lifted his battle-microphone.
“Into battle, RIDE!”
***
Today’s AAR involves playtesting one of my adventures for Star navy. The scenario is Crypt Ship. It has a rather limited ship loaded with treasure traveling in a straight line protected by escorts. My pirate force consists of 2 Class 4 Ravagers. The main thing to note is that the Crypt Ship is so valuable that any time it takes damage, it loses some of its 300 Cargo Value.
First thing I did was roll up the escorts. A low roll got me the result of “Two Less Than Player Force”. This meant the poor Crypt Ship only got a single escort.
Another roll determined that the lone escort was a mere Class 3 Free Company Frigate. On the up side, it has a Rep 5. I am sure the crew is very plucky.
Initial long range scans were sad for everyone. Starting distance was 36 inches and head on.
***
“The Hasan has left formation and is headed for us. The Hasan and The Long Sleep are concentrating their fire on us.”
Captain Grognard caught himself humming the guitar solo of “Go into the Vacuum. “Open fire on The Hasan. Tell the Omega Murder Comet to do the same. Man, that is a mouthful. Let’s just call them Omega.”
***
Concentrated fire from the Crypt Ship and Frigate was sad. A combined 2 guns against 3 shields is a long shot. As long as a shot that it is, it still has a miniscule chance of taking down a shield which at least makes every roll important. They failed but hey, they had a chance.
Funny enough, the Pirate ships had to combine fire to get through the Frigate’s shields and they stood a much better chance. They failed, but they had a chance.
Next turn, the frigate got closer, tried concentrated fire and failed. The pirates then got closer, and were within missile range. The Reroll fired two missiles, both of which hit. One missile destroyed the Frigate’s shields and the other missile hit the sheilds that no longer existed.
The Reroll then let loose with their guns. One gun hits the Frigate’s engine and the other chipped away at the Hull.
The Frigate fails their received damage test and loses a point of Rep. The crew is no longer as plucky! The Frigate then fails their engine damage test and decide that they are done with this lopsided battle.
***
Grognard watched the explosions ripple across The Hasan. The shield flickered off and something important looking was now drifting behind the ship. The frigate wobbled and seemed to veer to port uncontrollably. Seconds later, The Hasan vanished as it activated their jump drives.
The bridge crew cheered. Grognard allowed himself a smile. Nothing left now put to capture that golden prize headed right for them.”
***
Already the Crypt Ship is alone. With one gun and one shield, it is hardly a threat. The real challenge is that any damage it takes reduces the value of the ship. It is a Class 4 Tanker so boarding it is not a guarantee that the Class Four Ravagers would automatically win. I decide to fire a few shots and see if maybe I can get lucky with a bridge or engine hit.
****
“Gunner, soften up The Long Sleep and encourage them to take a nap,” Grognard ordered.
The gunner stared back at him, trying to work out Grognard’s tortured metaphor. He gave up and activated the missiles.
Grognard watched with satisfaction as the missiles closed in on the slow moving Crypt Ship. He chuckled as the awkward ship failed to evade. He laughed as plasma exploded within the Crypt Ship.
His laugh died as he saw thousands of glittering precious items get sucked into the vacuum of space from a hole in the ship.
“Uh, we hit one of the cargo bays,” someone reported.
***
Sigh. First missile launch and I take out a cargo bay. There goes 30 CV right there.
The guns fire and I manage to get a hit on the Crypt Ship’s guns. That reduces their own weapon to zero and the CV to 269. I decide that maybe it is time to stop damaging the really valuable ship.
***
“Captain Deathspasm? How would you like to be the first to board the Crypt Ship and claim our prize?” Grognard did his best to make it sound as awesome as possible.
It wasn’t necessary. Captain Deathspasm screamed so loud that his Mohawk shook. “It would be an honor! I will lead the charge myself!”
“Good for you!” Grognard replied. He knew how nasty boarding actions were. Better the new guys than his crew.
***
The Crypt Ship moves forward two inches every turn. That is it. It isn’t allowed to maneuver. It is a slow moving duck that just requires the pirates to match speed and direction in order to board.
Of course, this takes me close to eight turns to pull off. Coming to a full stop, pivoting 180 degrees and then catching up took me way too long. I am starting to believe that shooting and taking damage is important but man, not as nearly as getting your ships to go where they need to go. I feel like I need flight lessons.
Omega Murder Comet has the ‘honor’ of attempting the first boarding. What is the point of being the commander of a pirate fleet if you can’t make others take the risks?
The pirates had no troubles. They rolled 6 success to the Crypt Ship’s 2 and took command of the ship. Sadly for the crew of the Crypt Ship, they completely botch their surrender roll and their corpses were added to the debris littering this sector of space.
***
Captain Grognard slowly walked the halls of The Long Sleep. The smell of ritual incense was thick in the air which was good because it covered the smell of blood and laser fire. He stopped to admire a ventilation screen that looked to be made of polished silver.
“Captain! I found a toilet seat made of pure platinum! Can I keep it?”
Grognard shook his head at the excited crewman. “Sorry, Alez. We’re taking the whole ship to a dealer. There will be no golden thrones for you but you’ll have enough credits to wipe your butt with them if you want.”
Pirate life was getting better every day.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Marauding Duo Aftermath
Captain Grognard wiped the sweat from his brow. He was surrounded by Space Orcs. The objective was just past the hill but an Orc tank was right on the spot. It looked bleak.
“Make a move already,” Notwe said. The burly merchant couldn’t shut up for a moment. “You’re drekked no matter what you do.”
Grognard shook his head. Arris Station was a haven for pirates and smugglers but it was terrible for finding gamers to play against. Normally Grognard made due with what he could find but the repairs on the Reroll were going to take a while. He didn’t like the idea of playing Grimhammer 50K against rude bastards like Notwe for that long.
He touched a button on the holodisplay. A handful of unengaged Space Elves activated their jump packs and skipped over most of the Space Orc army. They landed on the tank and engaged in hand to hand.
Grognard and Newte were silent as the holographic models attacked each other. Numbers streamed on the side as combat calculations were being performed. Finally the tank exploded and the Space Elves stood victorious on the objective point.
“Space Elf victory!” the game announced.
“You lucky piece of drek!” Newte yelled.
Grognard stood up. “Thanks for the game,” he said. Then he pulled out a hand needler and shot Newte. The foul mouthed merchant fell to the ground, foaming at the mouth as a dozen toxins killed him.
“That’s for being a bad sport,” Grognard said.
His communicator beeped. It was Quartermistress Danica with the report from the ships they took.
***
Welcome to the Aftermath section of the latest pirate Patrol mission. There was one PEF left on the board before the pirates had to retreat but they did get a crapload of loot before then.
Firt though, we should check the Campaign Morale. We didn’t complete our Patrol Mission so we only roll 1d6 against the Campaign Morale of 4. I roll a 4 and get one success. The GP Ring rolls against their morale of 3, and get a 5 and a 6. Lucky break for me! My Campaign Morale stays where it is. I guess the pirates liked the loot they got.
Next we have possible Rep adjustments. First The Reroll. We had a Rep of 5, which went down to 4 after a bad boarding action but we roll against the original 5. I roll a 5 and my Rep stays where it is at 4. Oh well, some butt whoopings leave a mark.
The Slapstick rolls. They had a Rep of 4 and it stayed there. I roll a 4 so no change.
Even though I came up with rules for Contraband back in January, I didn’t get a chance to try them until now. Let’s see what I rolled.
Grand Freighter:
CB 1 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 2 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 3 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 5 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 6 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 7 – Rarities for CV of 25
CB 8 – Goods for CV of 15
CB 9 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 10 – Destroyed.
Total – 75
Tanker:
CB 1 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 2 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 3 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 5 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 6 – Goods for a CV of 12
CB 7 – Goods for a CV of 12
CB 8 – Goods for a CV of 12
Total – 56
Freighter:
CB 1 – Goods for CV of 9
CB 2- Contraband for CV of 30 Weapons, I made the controlled contraband roll for full value.
CB 3- Contraband for CV of 30. Slaves! Pirates free them for CV 0 but +1 die for recruitment roll.
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 3
CB 5 – Goods for CV of 9
CB 6 – destroyed
Total - 51
Runner:
CB 1 – Rarities for CV of 15
CB 2 – Contraband for CV of 30. Weapons, I only made one controlled looting success, for CV 15
CB 3 – Goods for CV of 9.
Total – 39
Grand Total = 221 CV
I am also using some ship salvage rules where you get 1 CV for every class of a ship that has been captured. The Freighter was destroyed, the Grand Freighter was allowed to leave with the crew but the other two remained for a total of 7 CV.
You know, single digit CV’s might not be worth tracking in the future. I may drop my ship salvage rules as unnecessary bookkeeping.
Anyhoo, the previous CV of the pirates’ haul was 76 so now we have a total of 297. We’ll spend 200 CV to roll on the Recruitment Table. Because we freed some slaves, I’ll roll 3d6 against the campaign morale of 4 and count success. I roll a 2,2 and 4. We get a recruit! Go me!
We roll and get a Class 4 Ravager with a Rep of 4. Nice. I’m going to need some time think about this new Captain.
***
Grognard looked at Newte’s twitchy body. It was the first time he killed someone for being a rude player and he was surprised at how good it felt. The only downside was that the few other gamers in Arris Station might decline to play against Grognard now.
He activated his communicator. “Jarella, didn’t you tell me that there was a civilized planet nearby?”
Jarella snorted. “I wouldn’t call New Hope civilized but yeah, it’s there.”
“Repairs are going to take a week,” Grognard said. “Get me a shuttle to New Hope. I need to find a gaming store.”
“Make a move already,” Notwe said. The burly merchant couldn’t shut up for a moment. “You’re drekked no matter what you do.”
Grognard shook his head. Arris Station was a haven for pirates and smugglers but it was terrible for finding gamers to play against. Normally Grognard made due with what he could find but the repairs on the Reroll were going to take a while. He didn’t like the idea of playing Grimhammer 50K against rude bastards like Notwe for that long.
He touched a button on the holodisplay. A handful of unengaged Space Elves activated their jump packs and skipped over most of the Space Orc army. They landed on the tank and engaged in hand to hand.
Grognard and Newte were silent as the holographic models attacked each other. Numbers streamed on the side as combat calculations were being performed. Finally the tank exploded and the Space Elves stood victorious on the objective point.
“Space Elf victory!” the game announced.
“You lucky piece of drek!” Newte yelled.
Grognard stood up. “Thanks for the game,” he said. Then he pulled out a hand needler and shot Newte. The foul mouthed merchant fell to the ground, foaming at the mouth as a dozen toxins killed him.
“That’s for being a bad sport,” Grognard said.
His communicator beeped. It was Quartermistress Danica with the report from the ships they took.
***
Welcome to the Aftermath section of the latest pirate Patrol mission. There was one PEF left on the board before the pirates had to retreat but they did get a crapload of loot before then.
Firt though, we should check the Campaign Morale. We didn’t complete our Patrol Mission so we only roll 1d6 against the Campaign Morale of 4. I roll a 4 and get one success. The GP Ring rolls against their morale of 3, and get a 5 and a 6. Lucky break for me! My Campaign Morale stays where it is. I guess the pirates liked the loot they got.
Next we have possible Rep adjustments. First The Reroll. We had a Rep of 5, which went down to 4 after a bad boarding action but we roll against the original 5. I roll a 5 and my Rep stays where it is at 4. Oh well, some butt whoopings leave a mark.
The Slapstick rolls. They had a Rep of 4 and it stayed there. I roll a 4 so no change.
Even though I came up with rules for Contraband back in January, I didn’t get a chance to try them until now. Let’s see what I rolled.
Grand Freighter:
CB 1 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 2 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 3 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 5 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 6 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 7 – Rarities for CV of 25
CB 8 – Goods for CV of 15
CB 9 – Commodities for CV of 5
CB 10 – Destroyed.
Total – 75
Tanker:
CB 1 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 2 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 3 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 5 – Commodities for CV of 4
CB 6 – Goods for a CV of 12
CB 7 – Goods for a CV of 12
CB 8 – Goods for a CV of 12
Total – 56
Freighter:
CB 1 – Goods for CV of 9
CB 2- Contraband for CV of 30 Weapons, I made the controlled contraband roll for full value.
CB 3- Contraband for CV of 30. Slaves! Pirates free them for CV 0 but +1 die for recruitment roll.
CB 4 – Commodities for CV of 3
CB 5 – Goods for CV of 9
CB 6 – destroyed
Total - 51
Runner:
CB 1 – Rarities for CV of 15
CB 2 – Contraband for CV of 30. Weapons, I only made one controlled looting success, for CV 15
CB 3 – Goods for CV of 9.
Total – 39
Grand Total = 221 CV
I am also using some ship salvage rules where you get 1 CV for every class of a ship that has been captured. The Freighter was destroyed, the Grand Freighter was allowed to leave with the crew but the other two remained for a total of 7 CV.
You know, single digit CV’s might not be worth tracking in the future. I may drop my ship salvage rules as unnecessary bookkeeping.
Anyhoo, the previous CV of the pirates’ haul was 76 so now we have a total of 297. We’ll spend 200 CV to roll on the Recruitment Table. Because we freed some slaves, I’ll roll 3d6 against the campaign morale of 4 and count success. I roll a 2,2 and 4. We get a recruit! Go me!
We roll and get a Class 4 Ravager with a Rep of 4. Nice. I’m going to need some time think about this new Captain.
***
Grognard looked at Newte’s twitchy body. It was the first time he killed someone for being a rude player and he was surprised at how good it felt. The only downside was that the few other gamers in Arris Station might decline to play against Grognard now.
He activated his communicator. “Jarella, didn’t you tell me that there was a civilized planet nearby?”
Jarella snorted. “I wouldn’t call New Hope civilized but yeah, it’s there.”
“Repairs are going to take a week,” Grognard said. “Get me a shuttle to New Hope. I need to find a gaming store.”
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
The Maurading Duo Minus One Part Two
Grognard ate a pretzel as he walked down the corridors of The Slapstick. He avoided a banana, a tripwire connected to a perched bucket and a surprisingly deep puddle. After a week on board the clown pirates’ ship, he barely noticed the hazards.
His mind was on other things. He was getting a bit worried about his time spent here. He was noticing small changes in himself. He felt like his shoes were too small. He found himself flirting with pale clowns with big balloons. Yesterday he was smacked in the face with a fish and he had laughed.
Grognard prayed to the Lords of Space that he was not becoming a clown.
“Commodore to the bridge!” his communicator beeped.
Grognard rushed to the bridge. There were two unidentified contacts in the system around Wal-Targ 3 and the Slapstick was en route to the closest one. The sooner they identified and resolved these contacts, the sooner Grognard could get back to his own ship.
Captain Ticklepoke greeted him when he walked in. She had two large flowers on her bikini top. “Rear-Admiral, we have two yachts in sight.”
“Yachts?” Grognard said. “Sounds expensive.”
Captain Ticklepoke nodded. One of the flowers sprayed water onto his face. He stood there and took it until the minute long discharge was done.
“I’m not thirsty anymore!” he quipped. The clowns laughed.
He sat down at his chair. He caught himself smiling. It was worrisome.
The tactical screen shows the yacht’s designations. One was called Your Girlfriend and the other was called Booty-Wagon. The Slapstick had jumped in close and heading straight for them. These clowns knew their scanners.
Ticklepoke ordered the clowns to strike Your Girlfriend. The Slaptick’s single gun fired at a single point in the yacht’s shields in an attempt to weaken it and break through. The chances of it working were low but it was all they could. It was the only way they were going to crack the yacht’s shield.
Grognard laughed as Your Girlfriend’s shield flickered out. These clowns had a knack for beating the odds!
The yachts returned fire. They were concentrating their fire to crack The Slapstick’s shield. Grognard watched the tactical screen closely as the shield emitter report came in. The shield was holding but just barely.
“Wait, are they calling for help?” Grognard asked.
The clown on comms answered. “They are as quiet as a flippity mime!”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. They must be smugglers who don’t want any attention. That was fine with him.
The ships continued on their course towards each other with guns blazing. The Slapstick got within missile range and fired a missile at Earl and saved their guns for the unshielded Your Girlfriend.
Grognard watched as Earl almost evaded the missile but took a hit. According to scans, they took slight damage to the hull.
Meanwhile, The Slapstick’s gun missed Your Girlfriend completely. Apparently shields were easier to hit than ships.
“Earl is waving white socks!” a clown announced. It took Grognard a second to realize they this was clown-speak for surrendering.
“Send Dr. Nose and his bloopy crew over!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Tell them to head back to our rendezvous!”
Your Girlfriend had no intentions of giving up. The yacht slowed dramatically down in front of the Slapstick and opened fire at point blank range. The yacht’s guns overwhelmed the Slapstick’s last shield. They also fired a missile!
Grognard was nearly thrown from his seat as the helmsclown threw everything into an evasion maneuver. Thankfully, the missile missed!
The runner started to turn to flee. The Slapstick opened fire and missed. Grognard realized that all his battle simulation games never took into account how demoralizing it was to miss at such close range.
“After them!” Captain Ticklepoke said. The Slapstick adjusted course in pursuit. Both ships were equally fast so they should be able to keep up with the speedy yacht.
A barrage of shots came from the yacht. Grognard was painfully aware of their ship’s lack of shields. Thankfully, the clowns were good at dodging.
The clowns were also good at shooting. An explosion erupted from the top of the yacht. Grognard checked the tactical screen and let out a cheer. They had hit Your Girlfriend’s bridge! Not many ships can take a hit like that and keep going!
The Slapstick shook violently. Power went out and was replaced by emergency lights. Grognard slapped the blank tactical screen until it rebooted.
The Slapstick had taken a hit to the engines. Power was fluctuating. All the clowns on the bridge stopped giggling, which was the scariest thing Grognard had ever seen.
“Break off and run away like our pants are on fire!” Captain Ticklepoke said.
Grognard agreed. Your Girlfriend would get away today. The slapstick was done pirating until they got back to port.
He let out a sigh. Maybe it was for the best. If he stayed any longer on board this ship, he might get his nose replaced with a cyber red one.
The thought made him laugh.
His mind was on other things. He was getting a bit worried about his time spent here. He was noticing small changes in himself. He felt like his shoes were too small. He found himself flirting with pale clowns with big balloons. Yesterday he was smacked in the face with a fish and he had laughed.
Grognard prayed to the Lords of Space that he was not becoming a clown.
“Commodore to the bridge!” his communicator beeped.
Grognard rushed to the bridge. There were two unidentified contacts in the system around Wal-Targ 3 and the Slapstick was en route to the closest one. The sooner they identified and resolved these contacts, the sooner Grognard could get back to his own ship.
Captain Ticklepoke greeted him when he walked in. She had two large flowers on her bikini top. “Rear-Admiral, we have two yachts in sight.”
“Yachts?” Grognard said. “Sounds expensive.”
Captain Ticklepoke nodded. One of the flowers sprayed water onto his face. He stood there and took it until the minute long discharge was done.
“I’m not thirsty anymore!” he quipped. The clowns laughed.
He sat down at his chair. He caught himself smiling. It was worrisome.
The tactical screen shows the yacht’s designations. One was called Your Girlfriend and the other was called Booty-Wagon. The Slapstick had jumped in close and heading straight for them. These clowns knew their scanners.
Ticklepoke ordered the clowns to strike Your Girlfriend. The Slaptick’s single gun fired at a single point in the yacht’s shields in an attempt to weaken it and break through. The chances of it working were low but it was all they could. It was the only way they were going to crack the yacht’s shield.
Grognard laughed as Your Girlfriend’s shield flickered out. These clowns had a knack for beating the odds!
The yachts returned fire. They were concentrating their fire to crack The Slapstick’s shield. Grognard watched the tactical screen closely as the shield emitter report came in. The shield was holding but just barely.
“Wait, are they calling for help?” Grognard asked.
The clown on comms answered. “They are as quiet as a flippity mime!”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. They must be smugglers who don’t want any attention. That was fine with him.
The ships continued on their course towards each other with guns blazing. The Slapstick got within missile range and fired a missile at Earl and saved their guns for the unshielded Your Girlfriend.
Grognard watched as Earl almost evaded the missile but took a hit. According to scans, they took slight damage to the hull.
Meanwhile, The Slapstick’s gun missed Your Girlfriend completely. Apparently shields were easier to hit than ships.
“Earl is waving white socks!” a clown announced. It took Grognard a second to realize they this was clown-speak for surrendering.
“Send Dr. Nose and his bloopy crew over!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Tell them to head back to our rendezvous!”
Your Girlfriend had no intentions of giving up. The yacht slowed dramatically down in front of the Slapstick and opened fire at point blank range. The yacht’s guns overwhelmed the Slapstick’s last shield. They also fired a missile!
 |
| Image of the Battle provided by Spy Satellite Virgin-Sprint #970 |
Grognard was nearly thrown from his seat as the helmsclown threw everything into an evasion maneuver. Thankfully, the missile missed!
The runner started to turn to flee. The Slapstick opened fire and missed. Grognard realized that all his battle simulation games never took into account how demoralizing it was to miss at such close range.
“After them!” Captain Ticklepoke said. The Slapstick adjusted course in pursuit. Both ships were equally fast so they should be able to keep up with the speedy yacht.
A barrage of shots came from the yacht. Grognard was painfully aware of their ship’s lack of shields. Thankfully, the clowns were good at dodging.
The clowns were also good at shooting. An explosion erupted from the top of the yacht. Grognard checked the tactical screen and let out a cheer. They had hit Your Girlfriend’s bridge! Not many ships can take a hit like that and keep going!
The Slapstick shook violently. Power went out and was replaced by emergency lights. Grognard slapped the blank tactical screen until it rebooted.
The Slapstick had taken a hit to the engines. Power was fluctuating. All the clowns on the bridge stopped giggling, which was the scariest thing Grognard had ever seen.
“Break off and run away like our pants are on fire!” Captain Ticklepoke said.
Grognard agreed. Your Girlfriend would get away today. The slapstick was done pirating until they got back to port.
He let out a sigh. Maybe it was for the best. If he stayed any longer on board this ship, he might get his nose replaced with a cyber red one.
The thought made him laugh.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
The Marauding Duo Minus One Part One
The airlock opened and Captain Grognard stepped aboard The Slapstick. The smell of cotton candy was everywhere. A clown walked by and slipped on a banana. Grognard wasn’t surprised.
A small clown on a tricycle motioned at Grognard to follow him. Grognard followed the small clown through twisting corridor lined with odd mirrors. There were clowns everywhere. The Slapstick was half the size of The Reroll but it appeared to have twice as many crew members. Where did they all fit?
They entered the bridge. Clowns were busy manning consoles and honking each others’ noses. The large monitor was covered in various cream pie explosions. Carnival music played.
Captain Ticklepoke stood up from her chair. The pale clown had been braiding her orange frizzy hair with balloon animals. She looked at Grognard and snapped a salute that popped one of her balloon animals.
“Admiral! Please, sit in the chair we made for you!” she said.
The bridge clowns giggled and tried to keep straight faces.
It was obviously a trap but Grognard needed these clowns. He had transferred command to The Slapstick because there were two more unidentified contacts out there that might be laden with treasure. He might give them orders, but he needed them to want to obey him.
He went to the chair and sat down in it. An exaggerated long fart noise blasted through the bridge. The clowns all looked at him with faux shocked faces.
“Excuuuuuuuuse me,” Grognard said. He waved his hand to clear the imaginary fart.
The clowns burst out laughing. Captain Ticklepoke smiled at him with admiration. He had earned the clowns’ respect.
“Contact at six boobpity-poo!” the sensors clown said.
“What?” Grognard said. “Already?” They just had an engagement less than six hours ago. This sector of space was crowded today!
Ticklepoke went into action. “Arm laser thingys! Prepare the pie launchers! Secure the seltzer! Full speed ahead!”
The clowns went into action. Grognard watched in fascination. People tended to dismiss the weird worshipers of the clown cults, but they forget that even clowns have things to do. The Slapstick went into battle readiness in seconds.
Grognard looked at the tactical screen on his command chair. The ship had been identified as a simple Freighter. It was called The Delayed Quote. It wasn’t a big prize but it would be better than nothing.
To Grognard’s surprise, The Slapstick managed to jump very close to The Delayed Quote. These clowns were better with their scanners than his own pirates.
The freighter began to turn and The Slapstick zoomed into missile range. Grognard shook his head. He was going to order some sort of exchange program so his pirates could learn a thing or two from these clowns.
The Slapstick launched a missile. Grognard watched with glee as The Delayed Quote utterly failed to evade it. The glee turned to disbelief as he saw the missile vaporize a cargo bay.
Maybe there wasn’t as much to learn from clowns as he thought.
The Delayed Quote was running away. They fired their guns but they were too weak against The Slapstick’s shields.
The Slapstick fired another missile. Gorgnard held his breath as the missile smashed into the freighter. He let it out when he saw the freighter’s shields wink out of existence.
“Sheilds are down!” he yelled. “Fire all guns!”
The Slapstick responded. Sadly, they only had the one gun and Grognard sighed as it missed the slow moving freighter.
Yeah, aim was definitely a problem for these clowns.
“They are hollering for their momma!” a clown yelled.
Grognard interpreted that to mean that the freighter was calling for help. The pirates had jut come from a battle where the Star Navy sent two waves of help. He hoped that all available military forces had been exhausted.
The Slapstick kept firing. Miss after miss shot past the unshielded freighter. Grognard wondered if it was sort of a joke that he didn’t understand.
At least the missiles were hitting. Grognard watched as bits of the freighter’s hull were blasted off. The clowns had stopped hitting cargo bays but he knew that could change at any moment.
A shudder went through the ship. Grognard was bounced around so much that he reactivated the fart simulator.
“They blew our bleeping blooping shields!” a clown reported.
Lords of Space! The freaking merchants took one of their shields? Grognard swore to look into maybe hiring merchant gunners.
“Time to make them laugh!” Ticklepoke said. She looked defiant and angry which was hard to do with balloon animals in your hair. “Board them and take them!”
Grognard had a bad case of déjà vu. The last time he ordered a boarding, they got their booty kicked. What were these clowns going to do?
The Slapstick matched speeds with The Delayed Quote. Striped airlocks extended and latched on. The carnival music on the ship changed to something far more sinister yet weirdly upbeat.
“Send in the clowns!” Captain Ticklepoke cried.
Grognard wondered what it must look like for the poor freighter crew. They would see the airlocks burst open and hordes of clowns pour through. They would be killed by lethal shock buzzers, hilariously big pistols and buckets of confetti that was really nanonites that would tear their flesh apart. It would be horrifying.
Several long minutes passed.
“The freighter crew is dead!” a clown announced.
The clowns cheered. Several of them honked with glee. Grognard was stunned. The clowns had slaughtered everyone. These clowns were bad asses!
He was in for another surprise. Captain Ticklepoke jumped with joy and grabbed Grognard. She kissed him and he found himself kissing her back.
She tasted funny; like sugar and corn dogs.
“Empty the freighter and blow her up!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Party in the Center Ring tonight!”
The clowns cheered. Grognard cheered too. Ticklepoke winked at him and he felt his cheeks burn. He hoped that he survived this party.
A small clown on a tricycle motioned at Grognard to follow him. Grognard followed the small clown through twisting corridor lined with odd mirrors. There were clowns everywhere. The Slapstick was half the size of The Reroll but it appeared to have twice as many crew members. Where did they all fit?
They entered the bridge. Clowns were busy manning consoles and honking each others’ noses. The large monitor was covered in various cream pie explosions. Carnival music played.
Captain Ticklepoke stood up from her chair. The pale clown had been braiding her orange frizzy hair with balloon animals. She looked at Grognard and snapped a salute that popped one of her balloon animals.
“Admiral! Please, sit in the chair we made for you!” she said.
The bridge clowns giggled and tried to keep straight faces.
It was obviously a trap but Grognard needed these clowns. He had transferred command to The Slapstick because there were two more unidentified contacts out there that might be laden with treasure. He might give them orders, but he needed them to want to obey him.
He went to the chair and sat down in it. An exaggerated long fart noise blasted through the bridge. The clowns all looked at him with faux shocked faces.
“Excuuuuuuuuse me,” Grognard said. He waved his hand to clear the imaginary fart.
The clowns burst out laughing. Captain Ticklepoke smiled at him with admiration. He had earned the clowns’ respect.
“Contact at six boobpity-poo!” the sensors clown said.
“What?” Grognard said. “Already?” They just had an engagement less than six hours ago. This sector of space was crowded today!
Ticklepoke went into action. “Arm laser thingys! Prepare the pie launchers! Secure the seltzer! Full speed ahead!”
The clowns went into action. Grognard watched in fascination. People tended to dismiss the weird worshipers of the clown cults, but they forget that even clowns have things to do. The Slapstick went into battle readiness in seconds.
Grognard looked at the tactical screen on his command chair. The ship had been identified as a simple Freighter. It was called The Delayed Quote. It wasn’t a big prize but it would be better than nothing.
To Grognard’s surprise, The Slapstick managed to jump very close to The Delayed Quote. These clowns were better with their scanners than his own pirates.
The freighter began to turn and The Slapstick zoomed into missile range. Grognard shook his head. He was going to order some sort of exchange program so his pirates could learn a thing or two from these clowns.
The Slapstick launched a missile. Grognard watched with glee as The Delayed Quote utterly failed to evade it. The glee turned to disbelief as he saw the missile vaporize a cargo bay.
Maybe there wasn’t as much to learn from clowns as he thought.
The Delayed Quote was running away. They fired their guns but they were too weak against The Slapstick’s shields.
The Slapstick fired another missile. Gorgnard held his breath as the missile smashed into the freighter. He let it out when he saw the freighter’s shields wink out of existence.
“Sheilds are down!” he yelled. “Fire all guns!”
The Slapstick responded. Sadly, they only had the one gun and Grognard sighed as it missed the slow moving freighter.
Yeah, aim was definitely a problem for these clowns.
“They are hollering for their momma!” a clown yelled.
Grognard interpreted that to mean that the freighter was calling for help. The pirates had jut come from a battle where the Star Navy sent two waves of help. He hoped that all available military forces had been exhausted.
 | |
| Battle images provided by VirginFox Satellite #312 |
The Slapstick kept firing. Miss after miss shot past the unshielded freighter. Grognard wondered if it was sort of a joke that he didn’t understand.
At least the missiles were hitting. Grognard watched as bits of the freighter’s hull were blasted off. The clowns had stopped hitting cargo bays but he knew that could change at any moment.
A shudder went through the ship. Grognard was bounced around so much that he reactivated the fart simulator.
“They blew our bleeping blooping shields!” a clown reported.
Lords of Space! The freaking merchants took one of their shields? Grognard swore to look into maybe hiring merchant gunners.
“Time to make them laugh!” Ticklepoke said. She looked defiant and angry which was hard to do with balloon animals in your hair. “Board them and take them!”
Grognard had a bad case of déjà vu. The last time he ordered a boarding, they got their booty kicked. What were these clowns going to do?
The Slapstick matched speeds with The Delayed Quote. Striped airlocks extended and latched on. The carnival music on the ship changed to something far more sinister yet weirdly upbeat.
“Send in the clowns!” Captain Ticklepoke cried.
Grognard wondered what it must look like for the poor freighter crew. They would see the airlocks burst open and hordes of clowns pour through. They would be killed by lethal shock buzzers, hilariously big pistols and buckets of confetti that was really nanonites that would tear their flesh apart. It would be horrifying.
Several long minutes passed.
“The freighter crew is dead!” a clown announced.
The clowns cheered. Several of them honked with glee. Grognard was stunned. The clowns had slaughtered everyone. These clowns were bad asses!
He was in for another surprise. Captain Ticklepoke jumped with joy and grabbed Grognard. She kissed him and he found himself kissing her back.
She tasted funny; like sugar and corn dogs.
“Empty the freighter and blow her up!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Party in the Center Ring tonight!”
The clowns cheered. Grognard cheered too. Ticklepoke winked at him and he felt his cheeks burn. He hoped that he survived this party.
Monday, March 24, 2014
The Maurading Duo Aftermath
Captain Grognard drained his mug. The rum soaked into his body. A pleasant warmness came over him. He felt his worries slipping away.
“Damage report, Captain,” someone said. He took the report and read it. The warm feeling turned cold and his worries returned. The hull was barely holding together. AA guns were completely offline. Even the engine had taken a hit. There was no way that they were going back into battle any time soon.
“Isis, pull up the scans,” Grognard said. He took another sip from his mug but it was empty. “Someone get me a fresh cup!”
The long range scans appeared on the screen. There were two blips out in the darkness of space. They could be nothing. They could be a whole lot of trouble.
Grognard grunted. The smart thing would be to go home now and repair. That isn’t what his crew would want; not those bastards. They would want to lay eyes on those two blips. They would want to make sure that they weren’t fat freighters loaded with treasure.
If Grognard went home now and they never found out what dangers that blips held, the crew would whisper about how they might have lost the score of a lifetime. The whispers would turn into grumbles and before you knew it, half of them might decide to desert at the next port.
Right now, Grognard really hated pirates. And he hated not having rum.
“Where is my cup?” he yelled.
Someone passed him a full mug of rum. He drank it. He hated pirates a little less.
“I have an estimate from our captures,” Danica said.
Grognard looked at the Quartermistress. Oh yeah, they did capture two ships during that disastrous battle with the Star Navy fighters. With the way his luck had been running, it was probably just a bunch of raw goods and processed sewage.
He looked at the list. First was the Grand Freighter. What was it carrying that it fought so hard to protect? Fruit, fruit, fruit and more fruit. Lords of Space! That is what he gets for raiding Zhuh-Zhuh ships. He kept reading. Fruit, fruit, platinum bricks, fruit yogurt and fruit.
“Wait, platinum bricks?” Grognard said?
Danica smiled. Her olive skin was glowing. “Yeah, a whole cargo bay’s worth.”
Grognard put down his mug of rum. The warm feeling was coming back. “What about the tanker?”
Danica handed him another list. The warm feeling turned cold.
"Fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit," Grognard said out loud. "Did we raid a grocer?"
Danica nodded. "I think so."
"Oh wait, they also have fruit paste, fruit cups and fruit gum," Grognard says. "Well that makes it all good then."
“They are,” Danica said. She was grinning from ear to ear. “I think we have 131 MegaCreds between both ships.”
Grognard stood up. he was not going home with precious metals and an assortment of fruits. The annoyance was turning into a hot lust for more treasure.
“Isis, notify the Slapstick,” he said.
“Shall I tell them to return to port?” Isis asked.
“Hell no,” Grognard said. “Inform them that I am coming aboard. I am transferring command. The Reroll can return to port. I have more blips to investigate!”
“Damage report, Captain,” someone said. He took the report and read it. The warm feeling turned cold and his worries returned. The hull was barely holding together. AA guns were completely offline. Even the engine had taken a hit. There was no way that they were going back into battle any time soon.
“Isis, pull up the scans,” Grognard said. He took another sip from his mug but it was empty. “Someone get me a fresh cup!”
The long range scans appeared on the screen. There were two blips out in the darkness of space. They could be nothing. They could be a whole lot of trouble.
Grognard grunted. The smart thing would be to go home now and repair. That isn’t what his crew would want; not those bastards. They would want to lay eyes on those two blips. They would want to make sure that they weren’t fat freighters loaded with treasure.
If Grognard went home now and they never found out what dangers that blips held, the crew would whisper about how they might have lost the score of a lifetime. The whispers would turn into grumbles and before you knew it, half of them might decide to desert at the next port.
Right now, Grognard really hated pirates. And he hated not having rum.
“Where is my cup?” he yelled.
Someone passed him a full mug of rum. He drank it. He hated pirates a little less.
“I have an estimate from our captures,” Danica said.
Grognard looked at the Quartermistress. Oh yeah, they did capture two ships during that disastrous battle with the Star Navy fighters. With the way his luck had been running, it was probably just a bunch of raw goods and processed sewage.
He looked at the list. First was the Grand Freighter. What was it carrying that it fought so hard to protect? Fruit, fruit, fruit and more fruit. Lords of Space! That is what he gets for raiding Zhuh-Zhuh ships. He kept reading. Fruit, fruit, platinum bricks, fruit yogurt and fruit.
“Wait, platinum bricks?” Grognard said?
Danica smiled. Her olive skin was glowing. “Yeah, a whole cargo bay’s worth.”
Grognard put down his mug of rum. The warm feeling was coming back. “What about the tanker?”
Danica handed him another list. The warm feeling turned cold.
"Fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit," Grognard said out loud. "Did we raid a grocer?"
Danica nodded. "I think so."
"Oh wait, they also have fruit paste, fruit cups and fruit gum," Grognard says. "Well that makes it all good then."
“They are,” Danica said. She was grinning from ear to ear. “I think we have 131 MegaCreds between both ships.”
Grognard stood up. he was not going home with precious metals and an assortment of fruits. The annoyance was turning into a hot lust for more treasure.
“Isis, notify the Slapstick,” he said.
“Shall I tell them to return to port?” Isis asked.
“Hell no,” Grognard said. “Inform them that I am coming aboard. I am transferring command. The Reroll can return to port. I have more blips to investigate!”
Thursday, March 20, 2014
The Maurading Duo Part Three
“Lords of Space!” Grognard swore. He stared at the tactical screen. Three squads of Star Navy fighters were coming and coming fast.
“Is there a Navy fleet nearby that I don’t know about?” Grognard asked.
No one answered.
“You know what, drek them!” Grognard said. “We have anti-aircraft guns, right? How tough can they be? Just keep firing at the merchants! Fire at will!”
The pirates embraced his orders. The Reroll and The Slapstick split their fire on both merchants. Explosions appeared on both merchant ships. It was an ugly assault of lasers and missiles. Hulls were damaged and shields were failing.
Sadly, a cargo bay on the Grand Freighter also exploded and this time, they couldn’t blame the clowns. It was The Reroll that hit it.
“Let’s board The Low Growl,” Grognard said. “It might be safer for the treasure that way.”
“We just hit the bridge of The Wray!” Isis announced. “They are surrendering!”
“Yeah, us!” Grognard said. “Send a trophy crew over ASAP! Where are those fighters?”
“Still closing, are trying to catch up to our pursuit!” Isis said.
“Ha, the battle might be won before they get here,” Grognard said. He felt a little wobbly. It had been a long fight and he had drunk a lot of rum.
The last Grand Freighter kept fleeing. They were down to one gun and it wouldn’t even scratch The Slapstick’s shields. Grognard watched as the pirates kept firing. Isis repeated reports of hull hits as they slowly chipped away at the Grand Freighter.
“Ready to board,” Red Hanna reported. They were right on top of The Low Growl.
“Commence boarding,” Grognard said. “And tell them to be quick; those fighters will get here any minute.”
The firing finally stopped. The Reroll docked with The Low Growl and the assault began.
It felt strange. There was nothing to watch on the tactical screen. There was no movement of tokens across a battle mat. All Grognard could do was wait.
Waiting sucked.
“Captain, we have a report from the boarding crew,” Blackjack said. “Putting it on speaker.”
“HE JUST RIPPED KYLE’S ARM OFF! RUN RUN RUN! Ru-Ack!”
“Drek,” Grognard said.
“Uh, not many came back sir,” Blackjack said.
“Maybe hand to hand with those monkeys was a bad idea,” Grognard said. “Drek it, blow them out of the sky!”
“Fighters are here!” Isis said.
“Keep calm and fire the anti-aircraft guns,” Grognard said.
The ship shook. Warning klaxons sounded. The damage screen on Grognard’s command chair scrolled with endless updates.
“Direct hit to decks, three, four and the engines! Hull is down to sixty percent integrity!” Donna reported. The fearsome pirate looked pale which was quite impressive for a person with brown skin.
“Lords of Space!” Grognard swore. “What the hell are our AA guns doing?”
“They’re too fast!” Donna snapped. The ship shook and the power flickered. “Hull is down to thirty percent integrity!”
“We have destroyed one fighter squad!” Isis reported.
The ship shook again. “We just lost all our AA’s!” Donna snapped.
“That does it! Get us out of here! Prepare for jump!” Grognard snapped.
He felt the comfortable vibration of the jump engines powering up. He just prayed that the fighters didn’t finish them off.
“Jump activated!”
Grognard let out a long sigh. He sat in his chair and looked at the damage report. Holy crap, he was going to take fighters a lot more seriously in the future.
“Is there a Navy fleet nearby that I don’t know about?” Grognard asked.
No one answered.
“You know what, drek them!” Grognard said. “We have anti-aircraft guns, right? How tough can they be? Just keep firing at the merchants! Fire at will!”
The pirates embraced his orders. The Reroll and The Slapstick split their fire on both merchants. Explosions appeared on both merchant ships. It was an ugly assault of lasers and missiles. Hulls were damaged and shields were failing.
Sadly, a cargo bay on the Grand Freighter also exploded and this time, they couldn’t blame the clowns. It was The Reroll that hit it.
“Let’s board The Low Growl,” Grognard said. “It might be safer for the treasure that way.”
“We just hit the bridge of The Wray!” Isis announced. “They are surrendering!”
“Yeah, us!” Grognard said. “Send a trophy crew over ASAP! Where are those fighters?”
“Still closing, are trying to catch up to our pursuit!” Isis said.
“Ha, the battle might be won before they get here,” Grognard said. He felt a little wobbly. It had been a long fight and he had drunk a lot of rum.
The last Grand Freighter kept fleeing. They were down to one gun and it wouldn’t even scratch The Slapstick’s shields. Grognard watched as the pirates kept firing. Isis repeated reports of hull hits as they slowly chipped away at the Grand Freighter.
“Ready to board,” Red Hanna reported. They were right on top of The Low Growl.
“Commence boarding,” Grognard said. “And tell them to be quick; those fighters will get here any minute.”
The firing finally stopped. The Reroll docked with The Low Growl and the assault began.
It felt strange. There was nothing to watch on the tactical screen. There was no movement of tokens across a battle mat. All Grognard could do was wait.
Waiting sucked.
“Captain, we have a report from the boarding crew,” Blackjack said. “Putting it on speaker.”
“HE JUST RIPPED KYLE’S ARM OFF! RUN RUN RUN! Ru-Ack!”
“Drek,” Grognard said.
“Uh, not many came back sir,” Blackjack said.
“Maybe hand to hand with those monkeys was a bad idea,” Grognard said. “Drek it, blow them out of the sky!”
“Fighters are here!” Isis said.
“Keep calm and fire the anti-aircraft guns,” Grognard said.
The ship shook. Warning klaxons sounded. The damage screen on Grognard’s command chair scrolled with endless updates.
“Direct hit to decks, three, four and the engines! Hull is down to sixty percent integrity!” Donna reported. The fearsome pirate looked pale which was quite impressive for a person with brown skin.
“Lords of Space!” Grognard swore. “What the hell are our AA guns doing?”
“They’re too fast!” Donna snapped. The ship shook and the power flickered. “Hull is down to thirty percent integrity!”
 | |
| Image of the battle provided by Googley Spy Satellite #92 |
“We have destroyed one fighter squad!” Isis reported.
The ship shook again. “We just lost all our AA’s!” Donna snapped.
“That does it! Get us out of here! Prepare for jump!” Grognard snapped.
He felt the comfortable vibration of the jump engines powering up. He just prayed that the fighters didn’t finish them off.
“Jump activated!”
Grognard let out a long sigh. He sat in his chair and looked at the damage report. Holy crap, he was going to take fighters a lot more seriously in the future.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
The Marauding Duo Part Two
“Concentrate fire on The Alpha Market!” Grognard ordered. “I want them to surrender before The Atlanta even gets here.”
The pirate fleet kept firing. Grognard drank his rum as the estimate damage reports came in. The Alpha Market lost a gun, some crew quarters and apparently a swimming pool. Not exactly crippling damage.
The merchants were still firing at The Reroll. The Atlanta was a long way off but they were attempting long distance attacks as well. The barrage of fire was a bit worrying but the shields held for now.
Grognard was so busy watching the shields report that he barely noticed when a laser shot from The Slapstick slammed into the thruster array on The Alpha Market. The engines on the Grand Freighter winked out.
“Captain, The Alpha Market just surrendered!” Isis reported.
“Thank the Lords of Space for pirate clowns!” Grognard said. “What about the other merchant?”
“They are ignoring our demands to surrender,” Isis reported.
“Send a trophy crew to The Alpha Market,” Grognard ordered. He watched as the pirates finally completed their turning arc and resumed pursuit of the merchants. The Atlanta had closed a lot of space and would be on them soon.
The shooting continued. The ranges were far but everyone was still trying. The pirates shifted their focus to the tanker since it was closest but the occasional shot that managed to hit bounced off its shield. The Atlanta was moving at high speed and quickly zipped past the fleeing merchants.
Grognard refilled his rum mug at the keg. He thought about having a keg installed in his command chair.
“Open fire on The Atlanta. Blast her from the sky!” Grognard said.
Missiles flew from The Reroll. Grognard chugged his rum as the Atlanta tried to evade. It almost succeeded but both missiles hit their mark. A shield flickered out and the missile launchers on the destroyer vanished into a cloud of debris.
Grognard choked on his rum. “Are they still alive?”
“Barely!” Isis reported. “Guns have missed and The Slapstick just blew up The Atlanta’s rec room. Still, they have no missiles and we destroyed their shields.”
“We really need to talk to those clowns about their aim,” Grognard said.
He watched as The Atlanta powered up their jump engines and vanished. Grognard threw his mug at the screen and rum splattered everywhere.
“We’ll kill you next time you fleeing bastards!” he swore.
The crew cheered his oath. Or maybe they cheered to hide their giggles at his little tantrum. Either way, Grognard was annoyed.
“Kill me some merchants,” he commanded. “Someone get me another mug!”
Grognard sat back in his chair. Someone handed him another mug full of rum.
The pursuit took place on the tactical screen. The merchants were slow but they had a head start from the pirate’s turning earlier. The merchants kept firing but the pirates held theirs. Grognard was tired of missing. He wanted to let the merchants freak out a little.
It only took a minute to catch up but the tensions kept building. Grognard felt his heart beat rise as they closed in. He wanted blood.
“Open fire on the tanker,” he commanded. The Grand Freighter would be a tougher nut to crack.
The Reroll and The Slapstick fired their guns. The Wray was remarkably durable. Damage was inflicted to the tanker’s hull but it kept steady.
“Fire missiles,” Grognard said.
Missiles from both pirate ships slammed into The Wray. Grognard felt a warm tingle at the sight of the carnage.
“They lost their guns!” Isis reported. “Uh, they also sent us an image of a pile of feces. I doubt they are surrendering.”
Grognard shook his head. And here he thought humans loved money. The Zhuh-Zhuh’s were stubborn monkeys.
“Uhh, Captain?” Isis said.
He did not like that tone. “What is it?” he asked.
“More Star Navy forces are arriving from Galactic West. Three squads of fighters.”
To be continued
The pirate fleet kept firing. Grognard drank his rum as the estimate damage reports came in. The Alpha Market lost a gun, some crew quarters and apparently a swimming pool. Not exactly crippling damage.
The merchants were still firing at The Reroll. The Atlanta was a long way off but they were attempting long distance attacks as well. The barrage of fire was a bit worrying but the shields held for now.
Grognard was so busy watching the shields report that he barely noticed when a laser shot from The Slapstick slammed into the thruster array on The Alpha Market. The engines on the Grand Freighter winked out.
“Captain, The Alpha Market just surrendered!” Isis reported.
“Thank the Lords of Space for pirate clowns!” Grognard said. “What about the other merchant?”
“They are ignoring our demands to surrender,” Isis reported.
“Send a trophy crew to The Alpha Market,” Grognard ordered. He watched as the pirates finally completed their turning arc and resumed pursuit of the merchants. The Atlanta had closed a lot of space and would be on them soon.
The shooting continued. The ranges were far but everyone was still trying. The pirates shifted their focus to the tanker since it was closest but the occasional shot that managed to hit bounced off its shield. The Atlanta was moving at high speed and quickly zipped past the fleeing merchants.
Grognard refilled his rum mug at the keg. He thought about having a keg installed in his command chair.
“Open fire on The Atlanta. Blast her from the sky!” Grognard said.
 |
| Image of the battle provided by Googley Spy Satellite #92 |
Missiles flew from The Reroll. Grognard chugged his rum as the Atlanta tried to evade. It almost succeeded but both missiles hit their mark. A shield flickered out and the missile launchers on the destroyer vanished into a cloud of debris.
Grognard choked on his rum. “Are they still alive?”
“Barely!” Isis reported. “Guns have missed and The Slapstick just blew up The Atlanta’s rec room. Still, they have no missiles and we destroyed their shields.”
“We really need to talk to those clowns about their aim,” Grognard said.
He watched as The Atlanta powered up their jump engines and vanished. Grognard threw his mug at the screen and rum splattered everywhere.
“We’ll kill you next time you fleeing bastards!” he swore.
The crew cheered his oath. Or maybe they cheered to hide their giggles at his little tantrum. Either way, Grognard was annoyed.
“Kill me some merchants,” he commanded. “Someone get me another mug!”
Grognard sat back in his chair. Someone handed him another mug full of rum.
The pursuit took place on the tactical screen. The merchants were slow but they had a head start from the pirate’s turning earlier. The merchants kept firing but the pirates held theirs. Grognard was tired of missing. He wanted to let the merchants freak out a little.
It only took a minute to catch up but the tensions kept building. Grognard felt his heart beat rise as they closed in. He wanted blood.
“Open fire on the tanker,” he commanded. The Grand Freighter would be a tougher nut to crack.
The Reroll and The Slapstick fired their guns. The Wray was remarkably durable. Damage was inflicted to the tanker’s hull but it kept steady.
“Fire missiles,” Grognard said.
Missiles from both pirate ships slammed into The Wray. Grognard felt a warm tingle at the sight of the carnage.
“They lost their guns!” Isis reported. “Uh, they also sent us an image of a pile of feces. I doubt they are surrendering.”
Grognard shook his head. And here he thought humans loved money. The Zhuh-Zhuh’s were stubborn monkeys.
“Uhh, Captain?” Isis said.
He did not like that tone. “What is it?” he asked.
“More Star Navy forces are arriving from Galactic West. Three squads of fighters.”
To be continued
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
The Marauding Duo Part One
Captain Grognard looked at the four candidates for the position of Cabin Woman. Each of them was beautiful. Each of them was also willing to do damn near anything to get out of regular ship duties in exchange for being a personal companion to the Captain. All Grognard had to do was pick one but they had to be worthy.
“This token here represents five army units while this token represents only one,” Captain Grognard said. “Tokens can only move into adjacent sectors on the map.”
“Captain,” one the candidates purred. She licked her lips and straightened her back so her massive cleavage was in full display. “Wouldn’t you rather test our skills in a more carnal way rather than play some silly board game?”
“You’re out,” Captain Grognard said. “Go, get back to your old job! I only accept Cabin Women who take strategic simulations seriously!”
A beep came from the intercom. “Captain, we have made sensor contact. Your presence is required on the bridge.”
“Already?” Captain Grognard said. They had just left port an hour ago. He thought that he had plenty of time to test his Cabin Women candidates in a grueling tournament of games. This was disappointing.
“You three, stay here and read the rules. You, report to your old post immediately.”
The top heavy non-gamer pouted. The Captain ignored her.
Grognard went straight to the bridge. The crew was alert and not drinking. That was new. They must have a worthy prize ahead of them.
“Report,” Grognard said. He stopped by the rum keg and used his special Captain’s mug.
“A fleet of three merchant vessels,” reported Isis on sensors. “2 Grand Freighters and a Tanker. They have Zhuh-Zhuh protocols. They identify as The Low Growl, The Alpha Market and The Wray.”
“Open a channel to The Slapstick,” Grognard ordered.
The screen changed to the bridge of the clown pirates. Captain Ticklepoke stood to attention and snapped a silly salute. Her cybernose honked.
“Ticklepoke, we’re going in at an angle,” Grognard said. “Stay slightly behind us and we’ll draw fire with out better shields.”
“Aye aye, Captain!” Ticklepoke said. She sat down and let out a comic fart.
The screen went blank. “I hope we didn’t make a mistake trusting these clowns,” Grognard said out loud.
The crew had no response.
“Red Hanna, plot a course for the merchants. Rory, hold fire until we get in missile range.”
Grognard watched the tactical screen as his plan went into action. The Slapstick fell into position behind and to the left of The Reroll. Well, at least those clowns can follow orders. What was more interesting were the Zhuh-Zhuh merchants. Instead of changing course, they were heading right for the pirates.
“Taking fire to the shields!” Donna reported. “They are concentrating fire on us but shields are holding!”
“What? Did those monkeys fire first?”
“Aye, Captain,” Isis said. “They also transmitted an image of a Zhuh-Zhuh’s hairy ass. I believe it is meant to be a threat.”
“Hold fire, I want to get within missile range.”
Captain Grognard drank his rum. These merchants were going to be fighters. The Grand Freighters were bigger ship and they would take some work to wear down. On the other hand, the lead Freighter was probably the flagship and if he took it down, the other two might surrender.
“When we get within range, aim for the The Alpha Market. Tell The Slapstick to aim for them as well.”
The Captain waited as they got closer. All three merchant ships were letting loose with their guns. It was a battering to The Reroll’s shields but they were holding. It felt very dramatic and heroic.
Finally they closed to missile range. Grognard smiled as the tactical screen showed the Grand Freighter trying to evade and failing pitifully. Explosions appeared on the screen followed by more explosions as The Reroll’s guns fired.
“We inflicted damage to their hull and one of their shields went down!” Isis reported.
“Let’s see how they like that,” Grognard said.
“They are returning fire! Shields still holding.”
“Yeah, I should have expected that,” Grognard said. “Keep attacking.”
The Reroll shook as it fired more weapons. The tactical screen showed the meager fire of The Slapstick’s smaller arsenal joining the fight. Grognard hoped this would convince the Zhuh-Zhuh to surrender.
“Captain, we’ve inflicted damage to their hull and we have completely destroyed their shields!” Isis reported. “The Slapstick’s gun hit and oh, drek.”
“Report!” Grognard yelled.
“The Slapstick destroyed one of The Alpha Market’s cargo bays!”
Grognard sighed. Ship targeting was not an exact science but why wasn’t he surprised that the drekking clowns blew up some drekking treasure? It was almost funny.
The merchants kept moving forward and were now passing the pirates. Grognard watched as the pirates began the slow turn to follow the merchants. Guns were still blazing on both sides as they maneuvered.
“Captain, there is an incoming ship responding to the Zhuh-Zhuh’s distress signal! Approaching from Galactic East!”
“Lords of Space!” Grognard swore. “How bad is it?”
“Just one Star Navy Destroyer. Sir, it’s The Atlanta!”
Grognard smiled. This would be their third encounter with the ship. Once the pirates ran away, and the second time, the destroyer fled. It was time to settle this.
To be continued
“This token here represents five army units while this token represents only one,” Captain Grognard said. “Tokens can only move into adjacent sectors on the map.”
“Captain,” one the candidates purred. She licked her lips and straightened her back so her massive cleavage was in full display. “Wouldn’t you rather test our skills in a more carnal way rather than play some silly board game?”
“You’re out,” Captain Grognard said. “Go, get back to your old job! I only accept Cabin Women who take strategic simulations seriously!”
A beep came from the intercom. “Captain, we have made sensor contact. Your presence is required on the bridge.”
“Already?” Captain Grognard said. They had just left port an hour ago. He thought that he had plenty of time to test his Cabin Women candidates in a grueling tournament of games. This was disappointing.
“You three, stay here and read the rules. You, report to your old post immediately.”
The top heavy non-gamer pouted. The Captain ignored her.
Grognard went straight to the bridge. The crew was alert and not drinking. That was new. They must have a worthy prize ahead of them.
“Report,” Grognard said. He stopped by the rum keg and used his special Captain’s mug.
“A fleet of three merchant vessels,” reported Isis on sensors. “2 Grand Freighters and a Tanker. They have Zhuh-Zhuh protocols. They identify as The Low Growl, The Alpha Market and The Wray.”
“Open a channel to The Slapstick,” Grognard ordered.
The screen changed to the bridge of the clown pirates. Captain Ticklepoke stood to attention and snapped a silly salute. Her cybernose honked.
“Ticklepoke, we’re going in at an angle,” Grognard said. “Stay slightly behind us and we’ll draw fire with out better shields.”
“Aye aye, Captain!” Ticklepoke said. She sat down and let out a comic fart.
The screen went blank. “I hope we didn’t make a mistake trusting these clowns,” Grognard said out loud.
The crew had no response.
“Red Hanna, plot a course for the merchants. Rory, hold fire until we get in missile range.”
Grognard watched the tactical screen as his plan went into action. The Slapstick fell into position behind and to the left of The Reroll. Well, at least those clowns can follow orders. What was more interesting were the Zhuh-Zhuh merchants. Instead of changing course, they were heading right for the pirates.
“Taking fire to the shields!” Donna reported. “They are concentrating fire on us but shields are holding!”
“What? Did those monkeys fire first?”
“Aye, Captain,” Isis said. “They also transmitted an image of a Zhuh-Zhuh’s hairy ass. I believe it is meant to be a threat.”
“Hold fire, I want to get within missile range.”
Captain Grognard drank his rum. These merchants were going to be fighters. The Grand Freighters were bigger ship and they would take some work to wear down. On the other hand, the lead Freighter was probably the flagship and if he took it down, the other two might surrender.
“When we get within range, aim for the The Alpha Market. Tell The Slapstick to aim for them as well.”
The Captain waited as they got closer. All three merchant ships were letting loose with their guns. It was a battering to The Reroll’s shields but they were holding. It felt very dramatic and heroic.
Finally they closed to missile range. Grognard smiled as the tactical screen showed the Grand Freighter trying to evade and failing pitifully. Explosions appeared on the screen followed by more explosions as The Reroll’s guns fired.
“We inflicted damage to their hull and one of their shields went down!” Isis reported.
“Let’s see how they like that,” Grognard said.
“They are returning fire! Shields still holding.”
“Yeah, I should have expected that,” Grognard said. “Keep attacking.”
 |
| Image of the battle provided by Googley Spy Satellite #92 |
The Reroll shook as it fired more weapons. The tactical screen showed the meager fire of The Slapstick’s smaller arsenal joining the fight. Grognard hoped this would convince the Zhuh-Zhuh to surrender.
“Captain, we’ve inflicted damage to their hull and we have completely destroyed their shields!” Isis reported. “The Slapstick’s gun hit and oh, drek.”
“Report!” Grognard yelled.
“The Slapstick destroyed one of The Alpha Market’s cargo bays!”
Grognard sighed. Ship targeting was not an exact science but why wasn’t he surprised that the drekking clowns blew up some drekking treasure? It was almost funny.
The merchants kept moving forward and were now passing the pirates. Grognard watched as the pirates began the slow turn to follow the merchants. Guns were still blazing on both sides as they maneuvered.
“Captain, there is an incoming ship responding to the Zhuh-Zhuh’s distress signal! Approaching from Galactic East!”
“Lords of Space!” Grognard swore. “How bad is it?”
“Just one Star Navy Destroyer. Sir, it’s The Atlanta!”
Grognard smiled. This would be their third encounter with the ship. Once the pirates ran away, and the second time, the destroyer fled. It was time to settle this.
To be continued
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Return of the Reroll: Aftermath
Welcome to the paperwork phase of Star navy! Luckily, the paperwork phase of Star Navy is fast and easy. First though, I check to see if my own Rep goes up. I roll a single die and I have to get above my current Rep of 4. I roll a six and let out a piratey cheer! These bastard have finally learned something.
***
“Hey Stabbin Rory! I’m glad to see you back in port! I have a bunch of new holovids that you will love! I got Cybercop! I got Star Vampire Academy! I got the latest reboot of Arachind-Man!”
“What’s this one here? The one with the Star Navy logo?”
“That? You don’t want that. It’s just a training vid for targeting arrays. I don’t know why I even have it out front like this. No one buys these things except Navy wannabes.”
“I’ll take it. We destroyed a Star Navy Carrier recently and it got me to thinking that maybe I should learn what all the buttons on my console actually do, you know? Like, what does the prograde button do on my missile console?
“I have no idea. Okay, you’re buying that then. You still want Arachnid-Man?”
“Heck yeah, I can’t wait to see how Petro Paz turns into Arachnid-Man this time!”
***
Quarter Mistress Danica prepared herself for outrage. It was her job to sell the loot that the pirates had stolen but it was a poor haul. Ice was not exactly a rare commodity and the two cargo bays of TEGO Holovid toy tie-ins were not what pirates dream about capturing.
The Tricon passed her a datapad. The middle head was sleeping but the two heads on either side looked nervous. She read the datapad and reached for her laser pistol.
“Are you drekking me?” Danica screamed. “80 Megacreds? I can’t take this back to my Captain! We fought a damn battlecruiser!”
“Hey, I hear you,” the head on the right side. “The TEGO toys are good but ice doesn’t sell like it used to since the outbreak of Space Herpes wiped out most of the Ice Pirates. I can give you 80 MegCreds and 8 more in store credit.”
“Lords of Space,” Danica swore.
The middle head grumbled but kept snoring.
“Hey, I would take that offer,” the head on the left said. He gestured with his hand to the middle head. “Especially before he wakes up.”
Danica took the offer but she kept one of the TEGO toys for herself.
***
I only picked up 88 cargo value on this mission but I had 188 left over from the last mission for a total of 276. This is enough to get a roll on the recruitment table.
***
Captain Grognard finished his mug of rum and let out a hearty burp. A crowd of pirates and doxies were hanging on his every word as he recounted the fearsome battle with the Star Navy. Life was good.
“So this mug will represent my hip, The Reroll,” he said as he set the mug down on the table. “This turducken wing will represent the freighter we were chasing. We were set up like this when all of a sudden, this Dreadnought showed up. We’ll use this plate to represent the Dreadnought.”
There was a honking noise and the crowd around Grognard quickly dispersed. He looked up to see a woman who had been genetically altered to have pasty white skin and frizzy orange hair. She squeezed the red bulb of her cyber-nose again and let out another honk.
“Are you the same Grognard who injured The Atlanta?” the clown asked.
“Yep,” Grognard said. Her choose his words carefully. She was from the planet of Giggles, a notorious planet known for their insane clown cult.
“Good,” the clown woman said. She blew up a balloon and twisted it into a rather remarkable facsimile of a space ship. She gave it to Grognard.
“Err, thank you?” Grognard said.
“The Atlanta killed my last partner,” the clown woman said. “My name is Captain Ticklepoke and we have hit rough times. We haven’t made a good score in a long time. We can barely afford cream for our pies.”
“That is rough,” Captain Grognard said. He was hoping other pirates would join him but he hadn’t counted on clowns. “What is the name of your ship?”
“The Slapstick,” Captain Ticklepoke said.
“Of course it is,” Captain Grognard said. “Consider yourself a member of the fleet!”
Captain Peaches sat down and fell dramatically out of her chair.
***
I got two successes on the recruitment table. A d6 roll later and I found that I had hired a Class 3 Marauder with a Rep of 4. 1 gun and 1 missile don’t give me much hope but the 2 shields are nice. If nothing else, concentrated fire will help me crack the tougher ships.
Slowly but surely, my pirate fleet is growing.
***
“Hey Stabbin Rory! I’m glad to see you back in port! I have a bunch of new holovids that you will love! I got Cybercop! I got Star Vampire Academy! I got the latest reboot of Arachind-Man!”
“What’s this one here? The one with the Star Navy logo?”
“That? You don’t want that. It’s just a training vid for targeting arrays. I don’t know why I even have it out front like this. No one buys these things except Navy wannabes.”
“I’ll take it. We destroyed a Star Navy Carrier recently and it got me to thinking that maybe I should learn what all the buttons on my console actually do, you know? Like, what does the prograde button do on my missile console?
“I have no idea. Okay, you’re buying that then. You still want Arachnid-Man?”
“Heck yeah, I can’t wait to see how Petro Paz turns into Arachnid-Man this time!”
***
Quarter Mistress Danica prepared herself for outrage. It was her job to sell the loot that the pirates had stolen but it was a poor haul. Ice was not exactly a rare commodity and the two cargo bays of TEGO Holovid toy tie-ins were not what pirates dream about capturing.
The Tricon passed her a datapad. The middle head was sleeping but the two heads on either side looked nervous. She read the datapad and reached for her laser pistol.
“Are you drekking me?” Danica screamed. “80 Megacreds? I can’t take this back to my Captain! We fought a damn battlecruiser!”
“Hey, I hear you,” the head on the right side. “The TEGO toys are good but ice doesn’t sell like it used to since the outbreak of Space Herpes wiped out most of the Ice Pirates. I can give you 80 MegCreds and 8 more in store credit.”
“Lords of Space,” Danica swore.
The middle head grumbled but kept snoring.
“Hey, I would take that offer,” the head on the left said. He gestured with his hand to the middle head. “Especially before he wakes up.”
Danica took the offer but she kept one of the TEGO toys for herself.
***
I only picked up 88 cargo value on this mission but I had 188 left over from the last mission for a total of 276. This is enough to get a roll on the recruitment table.
***
Captain Grognard finished his mug of rum and let out a hearty burp. A crowd of pirates and doxies were hanging on his every word as he recounted the fearsome battle with the Star Navy. Life was good.
“So this mug will represent my hip, The Reroll,” he said as he set the mug down on the table. “This turducken wing will represent the freighter we were chasing. We were set up like this when all of a sudden, this Dreadnought showed up. We’ll use this plate to represent the Dreadnought.”
There was a honking noise and the crowd around Grognard quickly dispersed. He looked up to see a woman who had been genetically altered to have pasty white skin and frizzy orange hair. She squeezed the red bulb of her cyber-nose again and let out another honk.
“Are you the same Grognard who injured The Atlanta?” the clown asked.
“Yep,” Grognard said. Her choose his words carefully. She was from the planet of Giggles, a notorious planet known for their insane clown cult.
“Good,” the clown woman said. She blew up a balloon and twisted it into a rather remarkable facsimile of a space ship. She gave it to Grognard.
“Err, thank you?” Grognard said.
“The Atlanta killed my last partner,” the clown woman said. “My name is Captain Ticklepoke and we have hit rough times. We haven’t made a good score in a long time. We can barely afford cream for our pies.”
“That is rough,” Captain Grognard said. He was hoping other pirates would join him but he hadn’t counted on clowns. “What is the name of your ship?”
“The Slapstick,” Captain Ticklepoke said.
“Of course it is,” Captain Grognard said. “Consider yourself a member of the fleet!”
Captain Peaches sat down and fell dramatically out of her chair.
***
I got two successes on the recruitment table. A d6 roll later and I found that I had hired a Class 3 Marauder with a Rep of 4. 1 gun and 1 missile don’t give me much hope but the 2 shields are nice. If nothing else, concentrated fire will help me crack the tougher ships.
Slowly but surely, my pirate fleet is growing.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Return of the Reroll Part Three
Attention: Images from Spy Satellite Virgin-Sprint #998 were not available due to Cosmic Wind Vortex interference.
Captain Grognard put down the holo-miniature. It was the latest War Hussy hologram from Dystopiafree Miniatures but his heart just wasn’t in it. The pirate captain turned off his game of All Thing Bioplague and sat back in his chair.
He was depressed. He took over this ship with grand dreams of capturing merchant ships and daring battles with the Star Navy. Well, he only encountered the Navy once and he ran away. He knew it was the right move but no one ever wrote glowing stories about the time a pirate did a cunning retreat.
Captain Grognard wanted glory. He wanted a good fight with a smart enemy. Most of all he wanted a close spaceship fight that would impress the cyber-prostitutes in every brothel in the sector.
The Captain’s communicator buzzed. It was from Isis on scanners.
“Captain, we have reached that blip I was telling you about. It is a Class 4 Zhuh-Zhuh Tanker. Name protocol, Snarling Purse.”
“Hmm,” Captain Grognard said. “Set an intercept course, I’ll be right there.”
The captain’s mood improved. The cyber-prostitutes liked war stories but what they really loved was money.
***
This is part three of my second patrol as a space pirate. We have our first alien encounter, the apish Zhuh-Zhuh!
The Tanker has a Rep of 3 so this should be an easy fight. They only get 2 successes on their long range scans and so do the pirates. For the first time, the pirates win activation!
We start at 48 inches away but the pirates quickly close that gap. At 13 inches away, the pirates get impatient and fires guns before getting within missile range. We get one success for one gun pinging off the Tanker’s shield.
The Tanker fires concentrated guns for no success. The Tanker does call for help and holy crap, they get some help! A Class 3 Destroyer with a Rep of 4 arrives this turn!
***
“Captain! Sensors detect a Star Navy ship! It is a Class 3 Destroyer, The Atlanta!”
Captain Grognard stood up from his chair. The Atlanta had been part of the squad that had chased them off a week ago! This was his chance at glory!
“Keep attacking the Snarling Purse! I want them crippled before we deal with The Atlanta!”
***
The Destroyer is on the other side of the table so the pirates have a little bit of time. The pirates close to within 8 inches and unloads with their guns. They get two successes to crack through the one shield but sadly they hit the Tanker’s non-existent missiles.
The pirates unleash their very existent missiles. The Tanker actually dodges one but the other missile smacks into their hull for one point. These apes know how to move!
The Tanker and the Destroyer concentrate fire on the pirates. The merchants suck at shooting bring the results down to nothing.
The pirates decide on a new strategy. They fire missiles at the tanker and guns at the destroyer.
The Tanker fails to evade this time. One missile hits the life support while the other missile takes down the one shield.
The pirates fire guns at the Destroyer. They manage to get 2 successes which results in one gun getting through shields. Sadly, it hits the Destroyer’s lack of AAR.
Man, pirates really suck at targeting.
The Tanker does 2 Received Damage Tests. It passes the loss of shields but fails the life support hit. They surrender!
The Destroyer makes their Received Damage Test.
***
“Captain, the Snarling Purse wishes to surrender!”
“Tell them to stay put!” Captain Grognard yelled. His heart was thumping. They had survived so far but now it was time to man up and roll the dice.
“Set a course for The Atlanta! Fire at will!”
***
The Destroyer heads for the pirates. They fire with no hits.
The Reroll heads for the pirates. They fire guns but can’t get through the shields.
The Destroyer closes in. Their guns miss but now they are within missile range. The Reroll manages to evade both missiles!
The Reroll fires guns. They crack through the one shield to hit the missiles for a whopping 4 point. The Destroyer’s missiles are toast!
The Reroll fire missiles and one hit to damage the hull.
The Destroyer at this point has one gun that can’t get through the Pirates’ shields. They wisely jump out.
***
“They’re retreating!” A cry of joy went through the pirate bridge!
Captain Grognard laughed. It wasn’t a kill or a capture, but it was still a win against military forces! He was starting to feel like a real pirate Captain.
He sat down in his chair and basked in the glow of a good win. He was already thinking of getting back to his quarters to play a game of All Things Bioplague.
***
The Tanker made their surrender test so I guess no one cracks a monkey joke and everything goes okay.
The cargo seized is as follows.
Six of the cargo bays are commodities for a value of 4cv each for a total of 24 cv.
Two of the bays however are goods for a value of 12 each for a total of 24 cv.
48 Cv is all we get for this haul but hey, we also get bragging right for driving off The Atlanta! By the time the pirates get to port, that Destroyer will be have grown to be a Dreadnought.
Captain Grognard put down the holo-miniature. It was the latest War Hussy hologram from Dystopiafree Miniatures but his heart just wasn’t in it. The pirate captain turned off his game of All Thing Bioplague and sat back in his chair.
He was depressed. He took over this ship with grand dreams of capturing merchant ships and daring battles with the Star Navy. Well, he only encountered the Navy once and he ran away. He knew it was the right move but no one ever wrote glowing stories about the time a pirate did a cunning retreat.
Captain Grognard wanted glory. He wanted a good fight with a smart enemy. Most of all he wanted a close spaceship fight that would impress the cyber-prostitutes in every brothel in the sector.
The Captain’s communicator buzzed. It was from Isis on scanners.
“Captain, we have reached that blip I was telling you about. It is a Class 4 Zhuh-Zhuh Tanker. Name protocol, Snarling Purse.”
“Hmm,” Captain Grognard said. “Set an intercept course, I’ll be right there.”
The captain’s mood improved. The cyber-prostitutes liked war stories but what they really loved was money.
***
This is part three of my second patrol as a space pirate. We have our first alien encounter, the apish Zhuh-Zhuh!
The Tanker has a Rep of 3 so this should be an easy fight. They only get 2 successes on their long range scans and so do the pirates. For the first time, the pirates win activation!
We start at 48 inches away but the pirates quickly close that gap. At 13 inches away, the pirates get impatient and fires guns before getting within missile range. We get one success for one gun pinging off the Tanker’s shield.
The Tanker fires concentrated guns for no success. The Tanker does call for help and holy crap, they get some help! A Class 3 Destroyer with a Rep of 4 arrives this turn!
***
“Captain! Sensors detect a Star Navy ship! It is a Class 3 Destroyer, The Atlanta!”
Captain Grognard stood up from his chair. The Atlanta had been part of the squad that had chased them off a week ago! This was his chance at glory!
“Keep attacking the Snarling Purse! I want them crippled before we deal with The Atlanta!”
***
The Destroyer is on the other side of the table so the pirates have a little bit of time. The pirates close to within 8 inches and unloads with their guns. They get two successes to crack through the one shield but sadly they hit the Tanker’s non-existent missiles.
The pirates unleash their very existent missiles. The Tanker actually dodges one but the other missile smacks into their hull for one point. These apes know how to move!
The Tanker and the Destroyer concentrate fire on the pirates. The merchants suck at shooting bring the results down to nothing.
The pirates decide on a new strategy. They fire missiles at the tanker and guns at the destroyer.
The Tanker fails to evade this time. One missile hits the life support while the other missile takes down the one shield.
The pirates fire guns at the Destroyer. They manage to get 2 successes which results in one gun getting through shields. Sadly, it hits the Destroyer’s lack of AAR.
Man, pirates really suck at targeting.
The Tanker does 2 Received Damage Tests. It passes the loss of shields but fails the life support hit. They surrender!
The Destroyer makes their Received Damage Test.
***
“Captain, the Snarling Purse wishes to surrender!”
“Tell them to stay put!” Captain Grognard yelled. His heart was thumping. They had survived so far but now it was time to man up and roll the dice.
“Set a course for The Atlanta! Fire at will!”
***
The Destroyer heads for the pirates. They fire with no hits.
The Reroll heads for the pirates. They fire guns but can’t get through the shields.
The Destroyer closes in. Their guns miss but now they are within missile range. The Reroll manages to evade both missiles!
The Reroll fires guns. They crack through the one shield to hit the missiles for a whopping 4 point. The Destroyer’s missiles are toast!
The Reroll fire missiles and one hit to damage the hull.
The Destroyer at this point has one gun that can’t get through the Pirates’ shields. They wisely jump out.
***
“They’re retreating!” A cry of joy went through the pirate bridge!
Captain Grognard laughed. It wasn’t a kill or a capture, but it was still a win against military forces! He was starting to feel like a real pirate Captain.
He sat down in his chair and basked in the glow of a good win. He was already thinking of getting back to his quarters to play a game of All Things Bioplague.
***
The Tanker made their surrender test so I guess no one cracks a monkey joke and everything goes okay.
The cargo seized is as follows.
Six of the cargo bays are commodities for a value of 4cv each for a total of 24 cv.
Two of the bays however are goods for a value of 12 each for a total of 24 cv.
48 Cv is all we get for this haul but hey, we also get bragging right for driving off The Atlanta! By the time the pirates get to port, that Destroyer will be have grown to be a Dreadnought.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Return of the Reroll Part Two
Attention: Images from Spy Satellite Virgin-Sprint #998 were not available due to Cosmic Wind Vortex interference.
Anderson awoke to the sound of the battle alarm. He scrambled out of hi bunk and grabbed his pants. He had no idea what time it was but he knew that he was on Boarding Duty again so he better get his ass down to the airlock.
“Attention! The Socchi Grift has been spotted! Standby for boarding action!”
Anderson debated putting on shoes or just running to the airlock. That was when he saw a shadow move in the darkness of his cabin. He scrambled for the light switch and flicked it on. He screamed like a merchant when he saw what was there.
A man wearing a thong and black hood stood in his room. Muscles rippled along his shoulders as he shrugged.
“Lords of Space!” Anderson yelled. “What are you doing in my quarters, Skippy?”
The hooded man said nothing and walked out the door. Anderson knew where he was going. Skippy was on airlock duty too.
“Creepy psycho pirate freak,” Anderson swore.
***
Welcome to part two of my second AAR. In the last episode, the pirate ship, The Reroll encountered three military vessels and ran away before they could loot the Grand Freighter that they were crippling. The pirates were annoyed by this cruel twist of fortune and hope that the next PEF will be more profitable.
As luck would have it, they found a Class 4 Tanker, The Socchi Grift. Well, it is not a Grand Freighter but pirates can’t be choosers.
Long Range scans are conducted and the merchants kick butt with a total of four successes to the pirates’ two. Man, pirates really need a cloaking device.
Starting distance is 72 inches away. The Reroll spends a few turns closing in while The Socchi Grift hopes that the heavily armed ship that is coming right for them is friendly.
The Reroll closes to within 9 inches and opens fire with their guns and missles. My plan is to injure the ship before attempting a boarding action.
I get one success for the guns which means only one gun bounces off the Tanker’s one shield.
The missiles do much better. The Socchi Grift fails to evade both missiles. Both missiles explode into the hull for a total of two points of damage. Barely a scratch.
The funny thing about scratches is that Merchants don’t like them. They fail their Received Damage test and their Rep drops to 2. This is enough to trigger surrender!
Well now, that was easy.
I roll for the Merchants surrender and they fail both dice again. Uh-oh. The result is that all of the cargo is seized, the crew is captured and the ship is destroyed! Man, the merchants couldn’t even surrender right without pissing off the pirates.
***
Anderson sneered at the shivering merchant crew. They were terrified and scared out of their wits. Many of them had soiled themselves and one of them kept burping in fear. Anderson had never seen anything like it.
“Quit your crying!” he yelled. “We’re just going to take your goods and you can go on your way!”
“Attention! Fatal breach in the engine room! Evacuate immediately! Ship destruction will occur in three minutes. Please gather any personal belongings at this time.”
The captured crewmen wailed in despair.
“What the drek?” Anderson said. He didn’t know of any orders to scuttle the ship.
A door opened and Skippy walked out. In one hand he was carrying a wrench that dripped with blood. In the other hand he was carrying an engineer’s manual. The manual was soaked in blood too.
“Did you just murder a ship?” Anderson yelled.
Skippy dropped the wrench and headed to the airlock with the manual. Anderson knew that Skippy was going to add it to his box of trophies.
***
Before the destruction of The Socchi Grift, let’s see what cargo we picked up.
Bay 1 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 2 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 3 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 4 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 5 – goods for cv 12
Bay 6 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 7 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 8 – commodities for cv 4
That is a measly 40 cargo value. Pirating ain’t easy.
I make my After the Battle rolls and The Reroll is ship shape for more battles. Hopefully that last PEF will be more profitable.
Anderson awoke to the sound of the battle alarm. He scrambled out of hi bunk and grabbed his pants. He had no idea what time it was but he knew that he was on Boarding Duty again so he better get his ass down to the airlock.
“Attention! The Socchi Grift has been spotted! Standby for boarding action!”
Anderson debated putting on shoes or just running to the airlock. That was when he saw a shadow move in the darkness of his cabin. He scrambled for the light switch and flicked it on. He screamed like a merchant when he saw what was there.
A man wearing a thong and black hood stood in his room. Muscles rippled along his shoulders as he shrugged.
“Lords of Space!” Anderson yelled. “What are you doing in my quarters, Skippy?”
The hooded man said nothing and walked out the door. Anderson knew where he was going. Skippy was on airlock duty too.
“Creepy psycho pirate freak,” Anderson swore.
***
Welcome to part two of my second AAR. In the last episode, the pirate ship, The Reroll encountered three military vessels and ran away before they could loot the Grand Freighter that they were crippling. The pirates were annoyed by this cruel twist of fortune and hope that the next PEF will be more profitable.
As luck would have it, they found a Class 4 Tanker, The Socchi Grift. Well, it is not a Grand Freighter but pirates can’t be choosers.
Long Range scans are conducted and the merchants kick butt with a total of four successes to the pirates’ two. Man, pirates really need a cloaking device.
Starting distance is 72 inches away. The Reroll spends a few turns closing in while The Socchi Grift hopes that the heavily armed ship that is coming right for them is friendly.
The Reroll closes to within 9 inches and opens fire with their guns and missles. My plan is to injure the ship before attempting a boarding action.
I get one success for the guns which means only one gun bounces off the Tanker’s one shield.
The missiles do much better. The Socchi Grift fails to evade both missiles. Both missiles explode into the hull for a total of two points of damage. Barely a scratch.
The funny thing about scratches is that Merchants don’t like them. They fail their Received Damage test and their Rep drops to 2. This is enough to trigger surrender!
Well now, that was easy.
I roll for the Merchants surrender and they fail both dice again. Uh-oh. The result is that all of the cargo is seized, the crew is captured and the ship is destroyed! Man, the merchants couldn’t even surrender right without pissing off the pirates.
***
Anderson sneered at the shivering merchant crew. They were terrified and scared out of their wits. Many of them had soiled themselves and one of them kept burping in fear. Anderson had never seen anything like it.
“Quit your crying!” he yelled. “We’re just going to take your goods and you can go on your way!”
“Attention! Fatal breach in the engine room! Evacuate immediately! Ship destruction will occur in three minutes. Please gather any personal belongings at this time.”
The captured crewmen wailed in despair.
“What the drek?” Anderson said. He didn’t know of any orders to scuttle the ship.
A door opened and Skippy walked out. In one hand he was carrying a wrench that dripped with blood. In the other hand he was carrying an engineer’s manual. The manual was soaked in blood too.
“Did you just murder a ship?” Anderson yelled.
Skippy dropped the wrench and headed to the airlock with the manual. Anderson knew that Skippy was going to add it to his box of trophies.
***
Before the destruction of The Socchi Grift, let’s see what cargo we picked up.
Bay 1 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 2 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 3 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 4 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 5 – goods for cv 12
Bay 6 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 7 – commodities for cv 4
Bay 8 – commodities for cv 4
That is a measly 40 cargo value. Pirating ain’t easy.
I make my After the Battle rolls and The Reroll is ship shape for more battles. Hopefully that last PEF will be more profitable.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Return of The Reroll
Attention: Images from Spy Satellite Virgin-Sprint #998 were not available due to Cosmic Wind Vortex interference.
“Attention! The Bloated Whale has been spotted! Battle stations!”
Anderson checked his body armor again. The pirates were eager for loot and Captain Grognard had told the crew that he wanted to board and capture ships. It was a heck of a lot easier on the loot if they don’t send a missile into it first.
That was why Anderson was crammed into an airlock. He had drawn ‘First-In!’ duty and he would be one of the first pirates through the airlock if they boarded. His only company was a guy in a black hood named Skippy.
“At least we get first pick of the loot, right?” he asked Skippy.
Skippy said nothing. Anderson didn’t like the way Skippy flexed his hands. The guy wasn’t wearing armor and he didn’t have a weapon but Anderson was creeped out by him. The rumors said that Skippy hasn’t taken off his mask since the mutiny. Other rumors said that Skippy should have never passed the psych exam for enlisted penal crewmen. Anderson’s gut was telling him that Skippy was the wrong person to be stuck in an airlock with.
Anderson took a deep breath. If they were lucky, The Reroll would board a merchant ship and Skippy would be the merchant’s problems, not his.
***
Welcome to the 2nd AAR of my Space Pirates Campaign. Time to break out the rum and the odd colored dice. It's space pirates time!
The Reroll has three PEF’s on the big scanner and one of them was a Rep 5. It was farther away from the planet than a PEF 4 but I was concerned that it might activate faster than the others and reach the planet. If one ship reaches the planet, then the Patrol Mission is over and the pirates get cranky. I headed towards it first.
It turned out to be a Class 5 Grand Freighter with a Rep 4. Using the PDF Prime scanners this time for the merchant, we yielded 2 successes for the merchants and 2 successes for the pirates. Yeah, that seems much more realistic than the Star Navy’s scanners that I did last time.
Reading the rules for who activates first, I make a stunning realization. Last time, I thought who goes first alternates between turns. I realize now that it is ACTIVATION that alternates, not who goes first. I play a lot of Arkham Horror and I realized that I had carried over that rules sensibility rather than you know, reading the actual rules themselves. Oops!
We start off 48 inches away and the Merchants go first. Five turns later, the Pirates are within 9 inches and fires missiles. The slow Grand Freighter fails both evasion rolls.
One missile crashes into the Grand Freighter’s Life Support! This might be over already!
The other missile smacks into the hull for a single point of damage.
The Grand Freighter passes one success for their received damage test. Since The Reroll is of a lesser Class, the Grand Freighter decides that it isn’t afraid. Curses!
The Grand Freighter goes. I use concentrated fire to see if the 2 guns can penetrate the 3 shields of The Reroll. Final result is one shield goes down.
The Grand Freighter sends out a distress signal. To my utter shock, they get an answer!
***
Captain Grognard leapt out of his chair. “Am I seeing this?” he yelled.
“Three Star Navy ships are forty-eight Scribe-units away!” Isis yelled. “The Atlanta and The Savannah are both destroyers! The Waffle is a frigate!”
“Captain?” the helmsmen said. “What do we do?”
Captain Grognard ran the math in his head. Three Class 3 ships. The Destroyers has missiles. All of the ships combined had twice the guns of The Reroll. They might be able to take them. They might not.
It would be a glorious fight. It would be the kind of fight that would gave him the reputation of a great pirate. It would be the kind of fight that would impress all of the women in any brothel.
It could also be the kind of fight that completely destroyed The Reroll. The thing is, Captain Grognard just didn’t know and if you don’t know the odds, don’t play the game.
“Retreat!” he commanded.
***
Anderson felt the shake of the ship as it jumped into hyperwarp. He let out the breath he was holding. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for boarding duty. He had been nervous as hell but now he could finally relax.
He heard an angry growl. It had come from Skippy. The hooded man stood up and punched the wall of the airlock.
Anderson felt the nerves come back.
***
Well that was disappointing. I had been look for a fight with navy ships but three on one was a bit much. I fear that the 4 missiles alone could have messed me up not to mention that the four guns would rip through my two shields. Still, I can’t help but feel I was too cautious.
I performed my After the Battle rolls and The Reroll was able to repair their shields. I am still not 100% convinced that you do this test after each battle in a mission. The rules use the term ‘Mission’ a lot and I am not clear if they mean the entire Patrol Mission or just this part of the patrol.
Oh well, at least The Reroll is alive to battle again.
“Attention! The Bloated Whale has been spotted! Battle stations!”
Anderson checked his body armor again. The pirates were eager for loot and Captain Grognard had told the crew that he wanted to board and capture ships. It was a heck of a lot easier on the loot if they don’t send a missile into it first.
That was why Anderson was crammed into an airlock. He had drawn ‘First-In!’ duty and he would be one of the first pirates through the airlock if they boarded. His only company was a guy in a black hood named Skippy.
“At least we get first pick of the loot, right?” he asked Skippy.
Skippy said nothing. Anderson didn’t like the way Skippy flexed his hands. The guy wasn’t wearing armor and he didn’t have a weapon but Anderson was creeped out by him. The rumors said that Skippy hasn’t taken off his mask since the mutiny. Other rumors said that Skippy should have never passed the psych exam for enlisted penal crewmen. Anderson’s gut was telling him that Skippy was the wrong person to be stuck in an airlock with.
Anderson took a deep breath. If they were lucky, The Reroll would board a merchant ship and Skippy would be the merchant’s problems, not his.
***
Welcome to the 2nd AAR of my Space Pirates Campaign. Time to break out the rum and the odd colored dice. It's space pirates time!
The Reroll has three PEF’s on the big scanner and one of them was a Rep 5. It was farther away from the planet than a PEF 4 but I was concerned that it might activate faster than the others and reach the planet. If one ship reaches the planet, then the Patrol Mission is over and the pirates get cranky. I headed towards it first.
It turned out to be a Class 5 Grand Freighter with a Rep 4. Using the PDF Prime scanners this time for the merchant, we yielded 2 successes for the merchants and 2 successes for the pirates. Yeah, that seems much more realistic than the Star Navy’s scanners that I did last time.
Reading the rules for who activates first, I make a stunning realization. Last time, I thought who goes first alternates between turns. I realize now that it is ACTIVATION that alternates, not who goes first. I play a lot of Arkham Horror and I realized that I had carried over that rules sensibility rather than you know, reading the actual rules themselves. Oops!
We start off 48 inches away and the Merchants go first. Five turns later, the Pirates are within 9 inches and fires missiles. The slow Grand Freighter fails both evasion rolls.
One missile crashes into the Grand Freighter’s Life Support! This might be over already!
The other missile smacks into the hull for a single point of damage.
The Grand Freighter passes one success for their received damage test. Since The Reroll is of a lesser Class, the Grand Freighter decides that it isn’t afraid. Curses!
The Grand Freighter goes. I use concentrated fire to see if the 2 guns can penetrate the 3 shields of The Reroll. Final result is one shield goes down.
The Grand Freighter sends out a distress signal. To my utter shock, they get an answer!
***
Captain Grognard leapt out of his chair. “Am I seeing this?” he yelled.
“Three Star Navy ships are forty-eight Scribe-units away!” Isis yelled. “The Atlanta and The Savannah are both destroyers! The Waffle is a frigate!”
“Captain?” the helmsmen said. “What do we do?”
Captain Grognard ran the math in his head. Three Class 3 ships. The Destroyers has missiles. All of the ships combined had twice the guns of The Reroll. They might be able to take them. They might not.
It would be a glorious fight. It would be the kind of fight that would gave him the reputation of a great pirate. It would be the kind of fight that would impress all of the women in any brothel.
It could also be the kind of fight that completely destroyed The Reroll. The thing is, Captain Grognard just didn’t know and if you don’t know the odds, don’t play the game.
“Retreat!” he commanded.
***
Anderson felt the shake of the ship as it jumped into hyperwarp. He let out the breath he was holding. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for boarding duty. He had been nervous as hell but now he could finally relax.
He heard an angry growl. It had come from Skippy. The hooded man stood up and punched the wall of the airlock.
Anderson felt the nerves come back.
***
Well that was disappointing. I had been look for a fight with navy ships but three on one was a bit much. I fear that the 4 missiles alone could have messed me up not to mention that the four guns would rip through my two shields. Still, I can’t help but feel I was too cautious.
I performed my After the Battle rolls and The Reroll was able to repair their shields. I am still not 100% convinced that you do this test after each battle in a mission. The rules use the term ‘Mission’ a lot and I am not clear if they mean the entire Patrol Mission or just this part of the patrol.
Oh well, at least The Reroll is alive to battle again.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Flight of the Reroll Aftermath
Arris Station was once a precious molecule extraction satellite around a gas giant. After changing hands a dozen times as companies rose and fell, it eventually came under the control of a private citizen. It is now a refueling station for passing starships as well as a place where one can buy and sell gently used cargo. Officially it was considered a trader zone but unofficially it is one of the prime locations that a pirate can offload some cargo.
Quarter Mistress Danica used to be an inventory supply clerk for a holonovel company but that was before she was press ganged into military service for the crime of public flashing in traffic. One mutiny later, she was now the Quarter Mistress for the pirate ship, The Reroll. Duncan, no, Captain Grognard had promoted her and tasked her with the job of selling the loot they had recently acquired. She would rather spend her days talking self holographic photos but at least as a pirate, no one complained about her short skirts any more, or if she was even wearing one to begin with.
Still, the Captain had offered her a commission on anything she sold so was eager to make some money so she could buy more transparent clothes.
“380 MegaCreds is outrageous!” she yelled.
The Tricon in front of her shrugged. The center head scowled while the head on the left tried to look apologetic. The head on the right was snoring.
“That’s the best I can do,” the center head said.
“A lot of your goods still have trade tags on them,” the left head said. “It will cost us money to scrub them.”
Danica shook the cargo manifest in her hand. “The penile enhancement drugs alone are worth 300 MegaCreds.”
“Fine,” the center head said. “I’ll offer you 280 MegaCreds.”
“That’s less than what you just offered!” Danica snapped.
“That’s right,” the center head said. “Want to keep haggling?”
“Look,” the left head said. “300 MegaCreds for the drugs is retail. If you own your own trader station, hire your own staff, pay the generator bills and bribe the local Star Navy, then yeah, you can charge 300. But since we are the ones selling it, we have to make a profit. We can offer you 380 MegaCreds for all of your cargo and I think you will find that is a fair deal.”
Danica thought about it. The center head was still snarling at her but the left head made sense. “Fine, that works. Now what can you give me for the freighters? We don’t need them.”
“We can give them a wash,” the center head said.
“Freighters aren’t worth much,” the left head said. “They don’t have jump drives and quite frankly, they don’t sell. Pirates don’t want them and real merchants would rather have something new rather than something that pirates had already proven they can capture.”
“Well we sure don’t want then,” Danica said. “Make me an offer.”
“8 MegaCreds for all three,” the center head said. “Final offer. We can sell them for scrap.”
Danica sighed. She looked at the inventory list of the things that Arris station had to sell. “Throw in the invisible dress and you have a deal.”
“Done,” both heads said. The third head kept snoring.
***
Welcome to the bookkeeping phase of my Space Pirates game. Fortunately Star Navy is light on the bookkeeping which is fine with me. I tend to over complicate things and maybe the sparseness of these rules will reign me in.
The total cargo haul came up to 380 Cargo value. I had the matter of the three merchant ships I had captured to consider. I didn’t want them in my fleet which suggested to me that their retail value wasn’t much either. After years of watching people beg to sell their outdated crap on Pawn Stars, I decided to take a hard line and create a simple rule.
Pirates can sell Captured Merchant Ships for a Cargo Value of the ship’s Class.
So the Class 5 Grand Freighter is worth 5 CV. The Class 3 Freighter is only worth CV 3.
Now it is time to determine the Pirates Campaign Morale. They used the Patrol Mission which tasks them with resolving every PEF in the sector. I am going to interpret that as they need to investigate and identify every PEF, not necessarily defeat them. In other words, an unsuccessful pirate mission is when they go home and there are PEF’s out there that they don’t know about. The crew will grumble because surely that last blip was the Grand Freighter carrying a cargo full of Sex Droids but noooo, their Captain is too much of a turduken to check it out.
The pirates roll two dice plus they get to add one for having a successful patrol. They get three successes so their moral goes up! Captain Grognard has succeeded! His merry band of mutineers enjoy being pirates.
For now.
Now we go to the recruitment table to see if any more pirates join The Reroll. We roll two dice against the Pirates’ Morale of 4. We only get one success so no one joins but hey, no one leaves either.
Now I looked at the After the Battle rules to see if I can repair that one shield I lost. It is now that I realize that I am supposed to roll After the Battle after EACH encounter. Which means I could have repaired that shield a lot earlier but also I had the chance of having my adventure cut short if I took more significant damage. Oh well, wargaming is all about the learning.
The Reroll rolls two successes and gets fully repaired. We are ready for our next adventure!
Now on to the most important part: how do I feel about the game?
It’s been ages since I have played a spaceship game and I have to say that I enjoyed Star Navy a lot. It doesn’t have the super complexity of Starfleet Battles or the lumbering bluntness of Battlefleet Gothic. It is a fast, sensible game that has some depth but not a crushing amount of it.
I enjoy the randomness of the PEF system and it works very well for solo play. It is the first solo game in ages where I felt challenged. I am tempted to make some more missions for Pirates but for now I will stick with what is recommended in the book.
All in all, I enjoy the game a lot and I would recommend it for solo or group play.
Quarter Mistress Danica used to be an inventory supply clerk for a holonovel company but that was before she was press ganged into military service for the crime of public flashing in traffic. One mutiny later, she was now the Quarter Mistress for the pirate ship, The Reroll. Duncan, no, Captain Grognard had promoted her and tasked her with the job of selling the loot they had recently acquired. She would rather spend her days talking self holographic photos but at least as a pirate, no one complained about her short skirts any more, or if she was even wearing one to begin with.
Still, the Captain had offered her a commission on anything she sold so was eager to make some money so she could buy more transparent clothes.
“380 MegaCreds is outrageous!” she yelled.
The Tricon in front of her shrugged. The center head scowled while the head on the left tried to look apologetic. The head on the right was snoring.
“That’s the best I can do,” the center head said.
“A lot of your goods still have trade tags on them,” the left head said. “It will cost us money to scrub them.”
Danica shook the cargo manifest in her hand. “The penile enhancement drugs alone are worth 300 MegaCreds.”
“Fine,” the center head said. “I’ll offer you 280 MegaCreds.”
“That’s less than what you just offered!” Danica snapped.
“That’s right,” the center head said. “Want to keep haggling?”
“Look,” the left head said. “300 MegaCreds for the drugs is retail. If you own your own trader station, hire your own staff, pay the generator bills and bribe the local Star Navy, then yeah, you can charge 300. But since we are the ones selling it, we have to make a profit. We can offer you 380 MegaCreds for all of your cargo and I think you will find that is a fair deal.”
Danica thought about it. The center head was still snarling at her but the left head made sense. “Fine, that works. Now what can you give me for the freighters? We don’t need them.”
“We can give them a wash,” the center head said.
“Freighters aren’t worth much,” the left head said. “They don’t have jump drives and quite frankly, they don’t sell. Pirates don’t want them and real merchants would rather have something new rather than something that pirates had already proven they can capture.”
“Well we sure don’t want then,” Danica said. “Make me an offer.”
“8 MegaCreds for all three,” the center head said. “Final offer. We can sell them for scrap.”
Danica sighed. She looked at the inventory list of the things that Arris station had to sell. “Throw in the invisible dress and you have a deal.”
“Done,” both heads said. The third head kept snoring.
***
Welcome to the bookkeeping phase of my Space Pirates game. Fortunately Star Navy is light on the bookkeeping which is fine with me. I tend to over complicate things and maybe the sparseness of these rules will reign me in.
The total cargo haul came up to 380 Cargo value. I had the matter of the three merchant ships I had captured to consider. I didn’t want them in my fleet which suggested to me that their retail value wasn’t much either. After years of watching people beg to sell their outdated crap on Pawn Stars, I decided to take a hard line and create a simple rule.
Pirates can sell Captured Merchant Ships for a Cargo Value of the ship’s Class.
So the Class 5 Grand Freighter is worth 5 CV. The Class 3 Freighter is only worth CV 3.
Now it is time to determine the Pirates Campaign Morale. They used the Patrol Mission which tasks them with resolving every PEF in the sector. I am going to interpret that as they need to investigate and identify every PEF, not necessarily defeat them. In other words, an unsuccessful pirate mission is when they go home and there are PEF’s out there that they don’t know about. The crew will grumble because surely that last blip was the Grand Freighter carrying a cargo full of Sex Droids but noooo, their Captain is too much of a turduken to check it out.
The pirates roll two dice plus they get to add one for having a successful patrol. They get three successes so their moral goes up! Captain Grognard has succeeded! His merry band of mutineers enjoy being pirates.
For now.
Now we go to the recruitment table to see if any more pirates join The Reroll. We roll two dice against the Pirates’ Morale of 4. We only get one success so no one joins but hey, no one leaves either.
Now I looked at the After the Battle rules to see if I can repair that one shield I lost. It is now that I realize that I am supposed to roll After the Battle after EACH encounter. Which means I could have repaired that shield a lot earlier but also I had the chance of having my adventure cut short if I took more significant damage. Oh well, wargaming is all about the learning.
The Reroll rolls two successes and gets fully repaired. We are ready for our next adventure!
Now on to the most important part: how do I feel about the game?
It’s been ages since I have played a spaceship game and I have to say that I enjoyed Star Navy a lot. It doesn’t have the super complexity of Starfleet Battles or the lumbering bluntness of Battlefleet Gothic. It is a fast, sensible game that has some depth but not a crushing amount of it.
I enjoy the randomness of the PEF system and it works very well for solo play. It is the first solo game in ages where I felt challenged. I am tempted to make some more missions for Pirates but for now I will stick with what is recommended in the book.
All in all, I enjoy the game a lot and I would recommend it for solo or group play.
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