His mind was on other things. He was getting a bit worried about his time spent here. He was noticing small changes in himself. He felt like his shoes were too small. He found himself flirting with pale clowns with big balloons. Yesterday he was smacked in the face with a fish and he had laughed.
Grognard prayed to the Lords of Space that he was not becoming a clown.
“Commodore to the bridge!” his communicator beeped.
Grognard rushed to the bridge. There were two unidentified contacts in the system around Wal-Targ 3 and the Slapstick was en route to the closest one. The sooner they identified and resolved these contacts, the sooner Grognard could get back to his own ship.
Captain Ticklepoke greeted him when he walked in. She had two large flowers on her bikini top. “Rear-Admiral, we have two yachts in sight.”
“Yachts?” Grognard said. “Sounds expensive.”
Captain Ticklepoke nodded. One of the flowers sprayed water onto his face. He stood there and took it until the minute long discharge was done.
“I’m not thirsty anymore!” he quipped. The clowns laughed.
He sat down at his chair. He caught himself smiling. It was worrisome.
The tactical screen shows the yacht’s designations. One was called Your Girlfriend and the other was called Booty-Wagon. The Slapstick had jumped in close and heading straight for them. These clowns knew their scanners.
Ticklepoke ordered the clowns to strike Your Girlfriend. The Slaptick’s single gun fired at a single point in the yacht’s shields in an attempt to weaken it and break through. The chances of it working were low but it was all they could. It was the only way they were going to crack the yacht’s shield.
Grognard laughed as Your Girlfriend’s shield flickered out. These clowns had a knack for beating the odds!
The yachts returned fire. They were concentrating their fire to crack The Slapstick’s shield. Grognard watched the tactical screen closely as the shield emitter report came in. The shield was holding but just barely.
“Wait, are they calling for help?” Grognard asked.
The clown on comms answered. “They are as quiet as a flippity mime!”
“Hmm,” Grognard said. They must be smugglers who don’t want any attention. That was fine with him.
The ships continued on their course towards each other with guns blazing. The Slapstick got within missile range and fired a missile at Earl and saved their guns for the unshielded Your Girlfriend.
Grognard watched as Earl almost evaded the missile but took a hit. According to scans, they took slight damage to the hull.
Meanwhile, The Slapstick’s gun missed Your Girlfriend completely. Apparently shields were easier to hit than ships.
“Earl is waving white socks!” a clown announced. It took Grognard a second to realize they this was clown-speak for surrendering.
“Send Dr. Nose and his bloopy crew over!” Captain Ticklepoke said. “Tell them to head back to our rendezvous!”
Your Girlfriend had no intentions of giving up. The yacht slowed dramatically down in front of the Slapstick and opened fire at point blank range. The yacht’s guns overwhelmed the Slapstick’s last shield. They also fired a missile!
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| Image of the Battle provided by Spy Satellite Virgin-Sprint #970 |
Grognard was nearly thrown from his seat as the helmsclown threw everything into an evasion maneuver. Thankfully, the missile missed!
The runner started to turn to flee. The Slapstick opened fire and missed. Grognard realized that all his battle simulation games never took into account how demoralizing it was to miss at such close range.
“After them!” Captain Ticklepoke said. The Slapstick adjusted course in pursuit. Both ships were equally fast so they should be able to keep up with the speedy yacht.
A barrage of shots came from the yacht. Grognard was painfully aware of their ship’s lack of shields. Thankfully, the clowns were good at dodging.
The clowns were also good at shooting. An explosion erupted from the top of the yacht. Grognard checked the tactical screen and let out a cheer. They had hit Your Girlfriend’s bridge! Not many ships can take a hit like that and keep going!
The Slapstick shook violently. Power went out and was replaced by emergency lights. Grognard slapped the blank tactical screen until it rebooted.
The Slapstick had taken a hit to the engines. Power was fluctuating. All the clowns on the bridge stopped giggling, which was the scariest thing Grognard had ever seen.
“Break off and run away like our pants are on fire!” Captain Ticklepoke said.
Grognard agreed. Your Girlfriend would get away today. The slapstick was done pirating until they got back to port.
He let out a sigh. Maybe it was for the best. If he stayed any longer on board this ship, he might get his nose replaced with a cyber red one.
The thought made him laugh.
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