“This token here represents five army units while this token represents only one,” Captain Grognard said. “Tokens can only move into adjacent sectors on the map.”
“Captain,” one the candidates purred. She licked her lips and straightened her back so her massive cleavage was in full display. “Wouldn’t you rather test our skills in a more carnal way rather than play some silly board game?”
“You’re out,” Captain Grognard said. “Go, get back to your old job! I only accept Cabin Women who take strategic simulations seriously!”
A beep came from the intercom. “Captain, we have made sensor contact. Your presence is required on the bridge.”
“Already?” Captain Grognard said. They had just left port an hour ago. He thought that he had plenty of time to test his Cabin Women candidates in a grueling tournament of games. This was disappointing.
“You three, stay here and read the rules. You, report to your old post immediately.”
The top heavy non-gamer pouted. The Captain ignored her.
Grognard went straight to the bridge. The crew was alert and not drinking. That was new. They must have a worthy prize ahead of them.
“Report,” Grognard said. He stopped by the rum keg and used his special Captain’s mug.
“A fleet of three merchant vessels,” reported Isis on sensors. “2 Grand Freighters and a Tanker. They have Zhuh-Zhuh protocols. They identify as The Low Growl, The Alpha Market and The Wray.”
“Open a channel to The Slapstick,” Grognard ordered.
The screen changed to the bridge of the clown pirates. Captain Ticklepoke stood to attention and snapped a silly salute. Her cybernose honked.
“Ticklepoke, we’re going in at an angle,” Grognard said. “Stay slightly behind us and we’ll draw fire with out better shields.”
“Aye aye, Captain!” Ticklepoke said. She sat down and let out a comic fart.
The screen went blank. “I hope we didn’t make a mistake trusting these clowns,” Grognard said out loud.
The crew had no response.
“Red Hanna, plot a course for the merchants. Rory, hold fire until we get in missile range.”
Grognard watched the tactical screen as his plan went into action. The Slapstick fell into position behind and to the left of The Reroll. Well, at least those clowns can follow orders. What was more interesting were the Zhuh-Zhuh merchants. Instead of changing course, they were heading right for the pirates.
“Taking fire to the shields!” Donna reported. “They are concentrating fire on us but shields are holding!”
“What? Did those monkeys fire first?”
“Aye, Captain,” Isis said. “They also transmitted an image of a Zhuh-Zhuh’s hairy ass. I believe it is meant to be a threat.”
“Hold fire, I want to get within missile range.”
Captain Grognard drank his rum. These merchants were going to be fighters. The Grand Freighters were bigger ship and they would take some work to wear down. On the other hand, the lead Freighter was probably the flagship and if he took it down, the other two might surrender.
“When we get within range, aim for the The Alpha Market. Tell The Slapstick to aim for them as well.”
The Captain waited as they got closer. All three merchant ships were letting loose with their guns. It was a battering to The Reroll’s shields but they were holding. It felt very dramatic and heroic.
Finally they closed to missile range. Grognard smiled as the tactical screen showed the Grand Freighter trying to evade and failing pitifully. Explosions appeared on the screen followed by more explosions as The Reroll’s guns fired.
“We inflicted damage to their hull and one of their shields went down!” Isis reported.
“Let’s see how they like that,” Grognard said.
“They are returning fire! Shields still holding.”
“Yeah, I should have expected that,” Grognard said. “Keep attacking.”
 |
| Image of the battle provided by Googley Spy Satellite #92 |
The Reroll shook as it fired more weapons. The tactical screen showed the meager fire of The Slapstick’s smaller arsenal joining the fight. Grognard hoped this would convince the Zhuh-Zhuh to surrender.
“Captain, we’ve inflicted damage to their hull and we have completely destroyed their shields!” Isis reported. “The Slapstick’s gun hit and oh, drek.”
“Report!” Grognard yelled.
“The Slapstick destroyed one of The Alpha Market’s cargo bays!”
Grognard sighed. Ship targeting was not an exact science but why wasn’t he surprised that the drekking clowns blew up some drekking treasure? It was almost funny.
The merchants kept moving forward and were now passing the pirates. Grognard watched as the pirates began the slow turn to follow the merchants. Guns were still blazing on both sides as they maneuvered.
“Captain, there is an incoming ship responding to the Zhuh-Zhuh’s distress signal! Approaching from Galactic East!”
“Lords of Space!” Grognard swore. “How bad is it?”
“Just one Star Navy Destroyer. Sir, it’s The Atlanta!”
Grognard smiled. This would be their third encounter with the ship. Once the pirates ran away, and the second time, the destroyer fled. It was time to settle this.
To be continued
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