“Hi kids, I’m Lt. Buddy, your Space Navy friend! What are you doing today?”
“Hi Lt. Buddy! We’re thinking about joining Space Pirates! They do cool things and they get paid a lot!”
“Oh no, kids, that is a bad idea! Space Pirates are not cool at all.”
“What do you mean, Lt. Buddy? I thought pirates get all the girls!”
“They only get the bad girls, kids. They get the bad girls and they get Space Herpes which make you poop your insides out.”
“Oh wow! But they save dogs and save the world, right, Lt. Buddy?”
“No, kids, they don’t! Space Pirates are a drain on the economy by disrupting the chain of production. They promote bad hygiene by not following spaceship protocols and cause plagues to break out on worlds that harbor them. Space Pirates often kidnap small children and make them do horrible things to their special things.”
“Oh my gosh, Lt. Buddy!”
“It’s true, kids. So if you see a space pirate, what should you do?”
“We should report them to the authorities using our local government sanctioned communication channels!”
“That’s right, kids! I’m Lt. Buddy and I’m from the Space Navy so you can trust me!”
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